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Old 19-06-2020, 22:27   #11341
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 19-06-2020, 22:28   #11342
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 19-06-2020, 22:30   #11343
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Old 19-06-2020, 23:17   #11344
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Phil Hughes was born at Macksville, 30mins up the road from me.

On 25 November 2014, Hughes was hit in the neck by a bouncer, during a Sheffield Shield match at the Sydney Cricket Ground, causing a vertebral artery dissection that led to a subarachnoid haemorrhage. The Australian team doctor, Peter Brukner, noted that only 100 such cases had ever been reported, with "only one case reported as a result of a cricket ball".[7] Hughes was taken to St Vincent's Hospital in Sydney, where he underwent surgery, was placed into an induced coma and was in intensive care in a critical condition.[8] He died on 27 November, having never regained consciousness, three days before his 26th birthday

Coroner ruled 'tragic accident'.

In 2017, the new 4-lane bridge over the Nambucca River constructed as part of the Macksville bypass was named Phil Hughes Bridge, in his honour.

Funny place, Australia.....


And now, back to the jokes...
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Old 20-06-2020, 00:09   #11345
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Amusing/serious...


https://www.bbc.com/news/av/world-as...otect-children


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Name:	Screenshot_2020-06-20 A public porn ad - to protect <a title=children.jpg Views: 202 Size: 222.3 KB ID: 217750" style="margin: 2px" />


Sorry don't know why there's metadata showing.
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Old 20-06-2020, 06:15   #11346
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Re: The New Joke Thread

cricket and girls...

sigh....yes, I could tell some stories but I'd be skirting the edge of the law and common decency...

it's true though that a sailor has a new girlfriend in each port he visits, sometimes two or three, or even more....'nuff said...
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Old 20-06-2020, 10:31   #11347
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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cricket and girls...

sigh....yes, I could tell some stories but I'd be skirting the edge of the law and common decency...

it's true though that a sailor has a new girlfriend in each port he visits, sometimes two or three, or even more....'nuff said...
Who's leg ya trying to pull? This is the joke thread and more than a few of us have been accused of "skirting the edge of the law and common decency." I know this because of back-channel chats with other CF members who, like me, have had jokes deleted or modifed. (Incoming or outgoing PM: Hey! Saw that your joke was deleted. What did the mods say?)

If you don't get your wrist slapped now and then, well, how you gonna know where the line really is?

Anyway... You're choice if you don't want to back up your claim with a story. But you'll be regarded like that one guy at the pub who makes a bold statement then saunters on his way.
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Old 20-06-2020, 10:46   #11348
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Re: The New Joke Thread

well, I've had my wrist slapped more than a few times by moderators, as well as having posts pulled..so I'm a tad leery to go full on Scottish....which, if you don't know, refers to wearing your kilt without underwear......

I could tell some rip roarers, but I'd get a " go directly to jail, do not pass go" card then...perhaps best to leave some stuff in the vault, never to see the light off day again, until I have passed on....

I will try to sneak one or two in when the moderators aren't looking and hopefully they won't get swept under the floor...
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Old 20-06-2020, 11:07   #11349
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Re: The New Joke Thread

So the company had transferred me to South Korea for a few years and found my self dating then cohabitating with the Madam of a whore house. Completely against the law and company regs - if discovered then at a minimum could have gotten my security clearance yanked and myself fired. (Thank god for statutes of limitations!)

During off-hours the girls waited on me hand and foot - because I was Mama-san's man. Half naked girls bringing me another beer, or giving me a shoulder massage, or hand feeding me tasty tidbits from the communal table. Life was good. Except: no sex with any of them - because I was Mama-san's man.

Sort of felt like Charlie walking into Willy Wonka's chocolate factory.

Joke was on me, I guess.
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Old 20-06-2020, 11:38   #11350
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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well, I've had my wrist slapped more than a few times by moderators..... will try to sneak one or two in when the moderators aren't looking and hopefully they won't get swept under the floor...
Fair enough. Now please excuse me while I climb down from my high horse.
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Old 20-06-2020, 12:07   #11351
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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So the company had transferred me to South Korea for a few years and found my self dating then cohabitating with the Madam of a whore house. Completely against the law and company regs - if discovered then at a minimum could have gotten my security clearance yanked and myself fired. (Thank god for statutes of limitations!)

During off-hours the girls waited on me hand and foot - because I was Mama-san's man. Half naked girls bringing me another beer, or giving me a shoulder massage, or hand feeding me tasty tidbits from the communal table. Life was good. Except: no sex with any of them - because I was Mama-san's man.

Sort of felt like Charlie walking into Willy Wonka's chocolate factory.

Joke was on me, I guess.
This reminds me of another true story...

I had just returned to my boat as #1 in my class from the Navy's top Electronic Warfare Surveillance Measures school. We were just getting ready to go on WESTPAC and I found a problem in my ESM equipment. I troubleshot it from the front, I troubleshot it from the other unit, and all indications were the problem was at the rear of Unit #1.

I reported my findings to my Master Chief, who I respected more than anyone else in the world and he sent off a message requesting a tech assist from the civilian contractor. I was beyond angry, I took it as a personal affront to my technical abilities and a slap in the face! The equipment was 100% functional, but it had an indicator lamp that would not light.

We left port and proceeded to HI and then went on to Subic Bay, where the civilian tech met us 2 weeks after we left San Diego. He looked like he'd been drinking and repeatedly run over by a steam roller for the entire 2 weeks!

He said, "It's about time you guys got here! I flew out here two weeks ago and moved into a massage parlor, where I handed them 2 credit cards and told them the sky's the limit! Now I'm shooting dust clouds and if I never drink another San Miguel, it'll be too soon!!"

He worked with me for a couple of days and he concurred with me exactly where the broken pin was, behind unit #1. I was vindicated!! I was triumphant! When I told the Master Chief over a couple of beers at lunch, he started laughing!

He said, "I never doubted you for a second! My requesting a tech assist wasn't about second guessing you. Larry hadn't been to Subic in a while, and this was his only opportunity to meet us out here and spend some quality time before we arrived. This wasn't about your troubleshooting ability, it was about Larry needing a vacation. But now that I'm looking at him, he's gonna need a few weeks to recover from this vacation!"

That was a real eye opener for me!
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Old 20-06-2020, 12:10   #11352
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Fair enough. Now please excuse me while I climb down from my high horse.
You know what they say on all of the other websites I'm on...


"Post pics, or it didn't happen!"
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Old 20-06-2020, 12:22   #11353
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Old 20-06-2020, 12:25   #11354
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Old 20-06-2020, 12:26   #11355
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Re: The New Joke Thread

WTF is Almond milk? Do Almonds have nipples??

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