A man walks into a pub, and the barmaid asks what he
wants. "I want bury my face in your cleavage and lick
the perspiration from your breasts'" he says.
"You filthy wotsit - get out before I fetch my husband!"
shouts the barmaid.
The man apologises and promises not to repeat his gaffe.
The barmaid accepts, and again asks him what he wants.
"I want to pull your pants down, spread yogurt on your
bum and lick it off," he says. "You dirty old man - get out!"
she storms. Again, the man apologises and swears never
to do it again.
"Now - what do you want?" He replies: "I want to turn you
upside down, fill your secret place with Guinness, and drink
every last drop."
The barmaid is furious, and runs upstairs to fetch her husband,
who's watching TV. "There's a man in the bar who wants to put
between my breasts and lick the perspiration off," she
says. "I'll kill him!" storms the husband. "And he wants to pour
yogurt onto my bum and lick it off," she screams. "He's dead!"
howls the husband, reaching for a cricket bat. "Then he said
he wanted to turn me upside down, fill my secret place with
Guinness and then drink it all," she cries. The husband puts
down his bat and slumps into his armchair. "Aren't you going
to protect my honor?" she cries, hysterically. "Look - I'm not
messing with someone who can drink two gallons of Guinness,"