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Old 17-06-2020, 17:18   #11206
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Old 17-06-2020, 17:18   #11207
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by socaldmax View Post
Back in 2004, I met a nice guy who had two Dobermans, they looked like twins.

He told me that they had interesting behavior. If someone was breaking into the house, they would stay where they were, laying on the living room floor. After the burglar was halfway into the living room, they would casually get up and come over to greet the burglar in a friendly manner. When the burglar reached down to pet the first one, it would bite his hand and the other dog would attack one of the legs or the other hand and the two of them would keep the burglar fighting and bleeding in the living room until the cops showed up or the owner showed up. I thought that was pretty amazing behavior for two dogs!

About 9 months later, I had pretty much forgotten about that story and he and I both ended up at the same campground about 1150 mi away from home for roughly 9 or 10 days. On the 2nd or 3rd day, I spotted him in his camp site and came over to say "Hi." His Doberman casually trotted over to me and I extended my right hand out to pet it and it bit right through my palm, the teeth met between the bones. As it went for a second bite, I yanked my hand back and he got up and pulled the dog back and chained it up inside his trailer, then apologized to me. I went back to my trailer and my GF cleaned the wound and bandaged it up.

Meanwhile, his camp neighbor had witnessed the whole thing and reported it to the RV camp owner, who came and talked to me the next day. I confirmed that I'd been bitten, but told him the guy was a friend, really nice and had driven 1150 mi to come up there. At first he was going to throw him out, but after I pleaded with him, he agreed to let him stay as long as the dog was leashed or chained up in the trailer, for liability reasons.

The dog owner stopped by that evening, apologized again and said teh RV camp owner told him he wanted to throw him out but the only reason he was allowed to stay was because I pleaded on his behalf. When he asked me why I did that, I told him, "Nine months ago you told me exactly how the Dobermans behaved, and I'd forgotten it and stuck my hand out to pet it, so it's partially my fault." He said, "No, I should never let them off the leash."

We're still on friendly terms. I think it was 2006 he also sold me a boat, but I don't hold that against him either.
somebody once told me that when greeting a strange dog, you NEVER lead with an open hand to pat...firstly the dog can see this as threatening, and secondly it's much easier to bite

apparently you should hold out a clenched fist for it to smell...then see how it goes...

cheers,
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Old 17-06-2020, 17:26   #11208
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Old 17-06-2020, 17:27   #11209
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Old 17-06-2020, 17:30   #11210
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Old 17-06-2020, 18:48   #11211
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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somebody once told me that when greeting a strange dog, you NEVER lead with an open hand to pat...firstly the dog can see this as threatening, and secondly it's much easier to bite



apparently you should hold out a clenched fist for it to smell...then see how it goes...



cheers,


Yep, dog logic is kinda weird sometimes.

For instance, this is my dog sleeping comfortably.

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Old 17-06-2020, 19:25   #11212
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Old 17-06-2020, 19:25   #11213
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Old 17-06-2020, 21:11   #11214
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by LakeSuperior View Post
A bass player found a brass lamp on the beach
I passed this on to a friend who is a bass player, he replied:



Into the darkest Africa the safari goes. And that night as the sun went
down, drums started, and they went all night.

Next day the leader of the safari went to see the chief. Says "Chief,
could you maybe 86 the drums around 9pm? They're keeping us all awake".
Chief: When drum stop. Bad thing happens." "Well, OK chief, do the best
you can."

Next night the sun goes down, the drums start up and they drum all night.
Next day the leader goes to the chief again and says, "Chief, two days now we haven't got any sleep. Can't you do something about the all night
drumming?" Chief: When drum stop, bad thing happen." "All right, but
please give us a break here."

Third night same thing. Safari leader confronts the chief. "Chief, this is
serious. Everyone crank to the point of violence. The porters are
quitting the camp. I don't think we can handle another night..."

The chief interrupts: "When drum stop..."

Leader "Yes, yes. When drum stop a bad thing happens. What HAPPENS WHEN THE DRUMS STOP??!!"

Chief: When drum stop, Bass solo."



==========================
As you can tell from the "86", he's a septic
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Old 17-06-2020, 22:52   #11215
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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For those who might question the humour/interest that test cricket can provide, I would commend this commentary (it begins at around minute three): https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x4uewlx

It even takes a pop at Tasmanians.
Brilliant!
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Old 17-06-2020, 22:55   #11216
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Definitely hungry for some milk
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Old 17-06-2020, 23:00   #11217
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Yes and Knick Knack is still attending to Paddy, who is trying to quit whacking off.
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Old 17-06-2020, 23:09   #11218
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Old 17-06-2020, 23:10   #11219
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Old 17-06-2020, 23:12   #11220
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