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Old 17-06-2020, 16:23   #11191
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 17-06-2020, 16:24   #11192
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Old 17-06-2020, 16:25   #11193
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Looks like they could have used a pole lock?
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Old 17-06-2020, 16:25   #11194
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Old 17-06-2020, 16:26   #11195
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Old 17-06-2020, 16:27   #11196
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heard this may be back ordered.
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Old 17-06-2020, 16:28   #11197
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Re: The New Joke Thread

A burglar breaks into a house. He sees a CD player that he wants so he takes it. Then he hears a voice

"JESUS is watching you".

He looks around with his flashlight wandering "What The HELL Was That?". He spots some $ on a table and takes it......Once again he hears a voice

"JESUS is watching you".

He hides in a corner trying to find where the voice came from. He spots a birdcage
with a parrot in it! He goes over and asks " Was that your voice?". It said "YES". He then says "What's your name?". It says "MOSES".

The burglar says " What kind of person names his bird Moses??"

The parrot replys "THE SAME PERSON THAT NAMES HIS ROTTWEILER "JESUS".



cheers,
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Old 17-06-2020, 16:29   #11198
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Old 17-06-2020, 16:31   #11199
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by chrisr View Post
A burglar breaks into a house. He sees a CD player that he wants so he takes it. Then he hears a voice

"JESUS is watching you".

He looks around with his flashlight wandering "What The HELL Was That?". He spots some $ on a table and takes it......Once again he hears a voice

"JESUS is watching you".

He hides in a corner trying to find where the voice came from. He spots a birdcage
with a parrot in it! He goes over and asks " Was that your voice?". It said "YES". He then says "What's your name?". It says "MOSES".

The burglar says " What kind of person names his bird Moses??"

The parrot replys "THE SAME PERSON THAT NAMES HIS ROTTWEILER "JESUS".



cheers,
SO "WWJD"
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Old 17-06-2020, 16:49   #11200
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by chrisr View Post
A burglar breaks into a house. He sees a CD player that he wants so he takes it. Then he hears a voice

"JESUS is watching you".

He looks around with his flashlight wandering "What The HELL Was That?". He spots some $ on a table and takes it......Once again he hears a voice

"JESUS is watching you".

He hides in a corner trying to find where the voice came from. He spots a birdcage
with a parrot in it! He goes over and asks " Was that your voice?". It said "YES". He then says "What's your name?". It says "MOSES".

The burglar says " What kind of person names his bird Moses??"

The parrot replys "THE SAME PERSON THAT NAMES HIS ROTTWEILER "JESUS".



cheers,

Back in 2004, I met a nice guy who had two Dobermans, they looked like twins.

He told me that they had interesting behavior. If someone was breaking into the house, they would stay where they were, laying on the living room floor. After the burglar was halfway into the living room, they would casually get up and come over to greet the burglar in a friendly manner. When the burglar reached down to pet the first one, it would bite his hand and the other dog would attack one of the legs or the other hand and the two of them would keep the burglar fighting and bleeding in the living room until the cops showed up or the owner showed up. I thought that was pretty amazing behavior for two dogs!

About 9 months later, I had pretty much forgotten about that story and he and I both ended up at the same campground about 1150 mi away from home for roughly 9 or 10 days. On the 2nd or 3rd day, I spotted him in his camp site and came over to say "Hi." His Doberman casually trotted over to me and I extended my right hand out to pet it and it bit right through my palm, the teeth met between the bones. As it went for a second bite, I yanked my hand back and he got up and pulled the dog back and chained it up inside his trailer, then apologized to me. I went back to my trailer and my GF cleaned the wound and bandaged it up.

Meanwhile, his camp neighbor had witnessed the whole thing and reported it to the RV camp owner, who came and talked to me the next day. I confirmed that I'd been bitten, but told him the guy was a friend, really nice and had driven 1150 mi to come up there. At first he was going to throw him out, but after I pleaded with him, he agreed to let him stay as long as the dog was leashed or chained up in the trailer, for liability reasons.

The dog owner stopped by that evening, apologized again and said teh RV camp owner told him he wanted to throw him out but the only reason he was allowed to stay was because I pleaded on his behalf. When he asked me why I did that, I told him, "Nine months ago you told me exactly how the Dobermans behaved, and I'd forgotten it and stuck my hand out to pet it, so it's partially my fault." He said, "No, I should never let them off the leash."

We're still on friendly terms. I think it was 2006 he also sold me a boat, but I don't hold that against him either.
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Old 17-06-2020, 16:54   #11201
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Old 17-06-2020, 16:56   #11202
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Old 17-06-2020, 16:58   #11203
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Old 17-06-2020, 16:59   #11204
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Old 17-06-2020, 17:02   #11205
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That's not my dog. I swear, he's deaf, blind and his nose is broken.

In the mornings, he'll go into the back yard to take a morning pee, and walk right past a rabbit and start peeing 2 feet away from the rabbit. Meanwhile, the rabbit is frozen in fear, staring at the dog while it pees for like 5 minutes.

Then he wanders back into the house while the rabbit stares at him every step of the way, probably thinking, "Was that Elmer Fudd?"
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