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Old 03-06-2020, 05:35   #10756
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Re: The New Joke Thread

The subject of more than a few threads on CF...


Americans have a terrible sense of humour.

I mean, their healthcare is a joke and most of them don't even get it.
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Old 03-06-2020, 05:36   #10757
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Re: The New Joke Thread

My singing voice sounds bad in my tiny apartment.

It’s a little flat.
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Old 03-06-2020, 05:38   #10758
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Re: The New Joke Thread

What do you call a snowman that plays piano?

Meltin' John
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Old 03-06-2020, 06:17   #10759
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Re: The New Joke Thread

I went to the bottle shop last Friday afternoon on my bicycle.
Bought a bottle of whisky and put it in the bicycle basket.
As I was about to leave I thought to myself that if I fell of my bike the bottle would break.
So I drank all the whisky before I cycled home.


It turned out to be a very good decision because I fell of my bike seven times on the way home.
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Old 03-06-2020, 06:23   #10760
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Re: The New Joke Thread

One in the style of LakeSuperior:




I want to be buried with all my records.


It will be my vinyl resting place.
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Old 03-06-2020, 09:38   #10761
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by ArmyDaveNY View Post
Would it be wrong to ask if this works on corn rows?


Yes it would be wrong.
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Old 03-06-2020, 09:38   #10762
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by a64pilot View Post
Prince of darkness indeed.

As a kid I built and raced drag racing motorcycles. Worked at Star Cycles in Americus Ga.
One night I riding with a group, I was on a Triumph Bonneville, a decent handling bike, we were going around a left hand sweeper with me in the lead, speed was I guess close to 100 MPH, the headlight got REAL bright, a very while light, then went out.
Somehow I remembered the radius of the turn and got myself around it completely blind, but it was honestly terrifying, waiting to feel the curb.

The Lucas rectifier failed and allowed all the power the lighting coil could make into the system, rectifiers work by shorting excess power to ground so when they fail, nothing controls the current, it all goes to the battery, or no current, it can go either way. Lucas I guess chose the wide open failure mode.


Lucas is only a Prince. Magneti Marelli should be crowned king. I went from Lucas on TR3’s. Then owned two Alfa’s a 56 & 58 spiders. One was Lucas the other MM - Lucas was far better
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Old 03-06-2020, 10:00   #10763
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Re: The New Joke Thread

The little MG midget I had wasn’t bad at all, the only time it ever stranded one of us was my Wife and then it was a little piece of fuel hose between the tank and the steel line that rotted out and that could have happened to any old car.
There were a few things I thought very good, in particular the design of the Armstrong shocks was I thought brilliant, it removed the shocks unsprung weight entirely, I’m surprised that design didn’t persist, especially on a real sports car.
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Old 03-06-2020, 10:28   #10764
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Some of you need to google search "systemic racism" and do some reading


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Old 03-06-2020, 10:44   #10765
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Really not cool.

How about if the caption was “LOOTER HARVESTER”?
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Old 03-06-2020, 11:07   #10766
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Let me see if I have this straight.

Everyone can post jokes about the Scottish, English, Welsh, French, Polish, Germans, Swiss, the Swedes, Americans, Australians, Kiwis, South Africans, the Spanish, Portuguese, Chileans, Brazilians, Mexicans, Chinese, Japanese, Filipinos, Abos (Buzzman's word), Canadians, Russians, Czechs, drunks, gays, etc, etc...

but someone posts a couple of jokes about current events involving protesters and suddenly you start tossing around "systemic racism."

That truly IS hilarious!

Now go look up "Super-Hypocrisy - Beyond Ironic!"


This is the joke thread. If you think it's funny, laugh. If you don't, scroll past it, like I do. If you feel like whingeing, feel free to call your mummy. If you've somehow mistaken me for your mummy, then she's got some serious problems, including but not limited to, a big old moustache and a beer gut.
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Old 03-06-2020, 11:25   #10767
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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How about if the caption was “LOOTER HARVESTER”?
I think it would make them feel better, but my truck driver friends want to call it the "Lane Cleaner" or the "Street Sweeper."

Boating related: about 14 yrs ago I got the urge to buy a jetski. Asking around a little bit, it became apparent that a lot of them end up in collisions, either with each other, or boats and often it's fatal for the jetski driver. The problem with their erratic driving is so bad, performance boat owners call them "lake lice." So instead of spending $6K on a used jetski, I bought a nice 19' boat for about the same price, but much safer in a collision.

I did the same thing in the desert. Rather than buying a 400 lb quad, often driven erratically and called "Desert Lice" by my friends and I, I bought a 2500 lb V8 powered sand rail that can glide over any terrain at about 115 mph. I added intrusion bars to the windshield area and called them "Quad Catcher", kinda like a cow catcher on a train. This pisses off quad riders.

Why?






















Because I can.
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Old 03-06-2020, 11:28   #10768
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Guys, people are scared over what is happening in the US....knowing it could also spark into their backyard.

Asking for restraint seems reasonable at this time.

You are always free to "think" about whatever jokes you like, .....but raw fear and anger is not a good listener to.them in public at this time.
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Old 03-06-2020, 11:36   #10769
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Meanwhile...

Late one night a bouncer at a bar once tried to tell me it was time to leave. I said it was too early to close. We compared watches and I told him that his watch was off by a half hour and I wasn't leaving.

Result: I got my clock cleaned!
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Old 03-06-2020, 11:45   #10770
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by Pelagic View Post
Guys, people are scared over what is happening in the US....knowing it could also spark into their backyard.

Asking for restraint seems reasonable at this time.

You are always free to "think" about whatever jokes you like, .....but raw fear and anger is not a good listener to.them in public at this time.
Would it help to type s l o w e r ?
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