Was having a beer with this guy down at the pub. He said:
You may be wondering about my accent.
Of course, technically, I dont have an accent.
I'm from England
This is just how things sound when they're pronounced properly.
Did you know that you're eight times more likely to get mugged
in this town than in New York
That's because we're not living in New York
Boxers don't have sex before a fight.
Do you know why that is?
It's because they don't fancy each other.
My girlfriend is always saying that I don't tell her
how much I love her.
Well, you know, I don't want to upset her.
A couple of weeks ago I had this little accident
while having sex with my girlfriend.
Let's just say I arrived a bit early.
She said: Don't worry about it - that happens to lots of guy.
I said: Well there's two things wrong with that. Who are these lots of guys you've been having sex with? And if it's happening so often, don't you think that maybe its your fault?
Was walking down the street and this woman with a clipboard stopped me
and asked if I could spare a few minutes for cancer research
I said well alright, but we're not going to get much done.
I asked her name and she said "Pataka".
I said that's an unusual name. You dont hear that everyday.
She said, well, acutally I do.