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Old 10-05-2020, 15:59   #10291
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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I donít live where itís cold, but did learn that for any serious work to just remove the engine, itís only held in three bolts, or maybe itís three bolts and the starter bolt also. But it only took about 15 min to drop the motor.

But I was slow apparently.

Guinness World Record to R&R a VW motor, no power tools allowed, jut hand tools



https://youtu.be/gKF6dcKjLJo


Thank you for this. I sent it to dad, who did about half a dozen engine changes on our old Kombi van.

To this day I still recognise the smell of a cooked VW engine from five miles away.
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Old 10-05-2020, 16:06   #10292
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Funny, never killed one of those engines. But I did keep the valves adjusted. They burned in tighter, so it had to be done. In memory, often.

Ann, who used to have long, chestnut hair with red highlights, and tied it back, like Muir said.
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Old 10-05-2020, 16:28   #10293
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Ours always died in the same way... long freeway run followed by a hill climb.

So many died at one particular location that it became like a second home to us. It was a hill in southern Victoria with a cluster of antennas, probably some kind of government spy station. We called it the aerial farm. I bet they used to watch us on the cctv and shake their heads sadly.
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Old 10-05-2020, 16:51   #10294
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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love it, and reminds me of one of my favourite bumper stickers



"YES, this is my ute, and NO i will not help you move"



let me know if translation required...



cheers,
Reminds me of when customized vans were popular. A friend had a bumper sticker on his that read "Dont laugh, your daughter may be in here!"
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Old 10-05-2020, 17:06   #10295
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The New Joke Thread

My buddy and I rented a VW Golf in Berlin in the spring of 1990. My buddy had grown up in Poland and East Germany. The wall was open, checkpoints gone, reunification was six months away. We were driving to Frankfurt. We went through checkpoint Bravo I think, unmanned, gates swinging in the wind. We got on the East German Autobahn. Speed limit 100 kph. Lots of rusted hulks of cars and trucks on the side of the road. We did not speed.
When we crossed the border into the west again we realized that the car could not go over about 100 kph. We found a branch of the same rental agency and swapped it for a slightly less horrible one.
Then, the really fast cars were the big Mercedes.
I got the golf up to about 150 kph going down a steep hill. That was fast enough in that car.
And the joke is that the airports were so confused that when I flew in to Frankfurt and then to Berlin I never had to show my passport or go through customs and immigration. It was international to Frankfurt, in transit then to West Berlin. But the construction for the customs and immigration was in progress and they treated a Frankfurt flight as domestic.
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Old 10-05-2020, 19:23   #10296
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Funny, never killed one of those engines. But I did keep the valves adjusted. They burned in tighter, so it had to be done. In memory, often.

Ann, who used to have long, chestnut hair with red highlights, and tied it back, like Muir said.
All valves wear tight, them wearing loose is a myth, the wear occurs between the valve and it’s seat making the valve sit deeper and it grow longer. tight valves are quiet valves, but tight valves eventually don’t close completely and that’s when they burn.
A lot of bug motors died and even caught fire because they weren’t kept clean, they would develop an oil leak and that would attract dirt and grime and clog the air passages and they would get so hot they would seize, or even catch fire from the oily residue.

We had two matching 71 VW’s my Wife’s Super Bug and my 71 Westfalia, both an orange color, the car I got as a welder in Oklahoma. 1981, I got my bus after I was in the Army and got it in 83 maybe? Had the car built for me, it had 88 mm jugs which I think made it an 1800 cc engine, a Holley bug spray carburetor and a 007 I think it was called centrifugal advance distributor, no vacuum advance. The vacuum advance made the little motors run hotter, the theory was and it was a good one, that the engine could stand more advance at low power settings, which it could, but it did make them run hotter so when you hit that long, steep hill you were hot to start with.

I never killed a bug motor, but I kept them clean too, ran the car almost forever, I didn’t get rid of it until late one cold night we were headed home and the headlights kept getting dimmer and dimmer, finally I accepted the battery wasn’t getting charged, stopped at some little store and bought cheap screwdriver and changed the generator brushes, that was it, but as I had our first child in the car I got worried, gave the car to my Brother in law and bought us a Subaru turbo station wagon, that was way too much trouble, ended up trading it for a VW Diesel Golf.

Finally drove a newer VW bug in Hanau Germany when I was stationed there, couldn’t believe how much a piece of crap the car was, tiny, cold, no power, handled poorly etc. Funny how memories are different than reality.
But I still miss my bus, after cruising I’m determined to get me one, I’ve seen good restored ones that seem to go for about 30K.
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Old 10-05-2020, 19:30   #10297
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Guys, guys....JOKE thread, remember?
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Old 10-05-2020, 19:39   #10298
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Re: The New Joke Thread

No harm in drifting the joke thread, we aren’t trying to help someone fix their boat or whatever, it’s a thread for good times.
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Old 10-05-2020, 19:52   #10299
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Guys, guys....JOKE thread, remember?
Yes indeed, driving those old VWs was a joke
Disclaimer: I had a few.
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Old 10-05-2020, 20:12   #10300
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Guys, guys....JOKE thread, remember?

OK
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Old 10-05-2020, 20:16   #10301
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Old 10-05-2020, 20:31   #10302
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Re: The New Joke Thread

What information do you get in every beetle log book?
A bus timetable

What's the difference between a beetle and a sheep?
It's a little less embarrassing if anyone sees you getting out the back of a sheep

What's the difference between a beetle and a golf ball?
It's usually possible to drive a golf ball more than 200 yards

Why is the beetles engine at the back?
So your hands won't get cold when you're pushing it

How do you make a beetle completely disappear?
Apply rust remover

How do you get a beetle to go 70mph?
Push it off Beachy Head

How do you double the value of a beetle?
Fill it with petrol

What do you call a convertible beetle?
A skip

What do you call a beetle with twin exhausts?
A wheelbarrow

How do you overtake a beetle?
Walk a bit quicker

What do you call a beetle with a seatbelt?
A rucksack

How do you get a beetle to win a race against a Ferrari?
Push it off Beachy Head first
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Old 10-05-2020, 23:20   #10303
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The New Joke Thread

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Guys, guys....JOKE thread, remember?


Yes, itís remained true to topic.

The VW was a joke, albeit a pretty cruel one. After all, they were called ďHitlerís RevengeĒ.

Anyway, quit griping and post a joke if you are so concerned.
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Old 11-05-2020, 00:06   #10304
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Re: The New Joke Thread

This thread....
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Old 11-05-2020, 00:36   #10305
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Yes, itís remained true to topic.

The VW was a joke, albeit a pretty cruel one. After all, they were called ďHitlerís RevengeĒ.
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