The New Joke Thread

[svmariane]

Originally Posted by skipmac

After I dropped my boss off my goal was to see if I could get 300 kph on the speedometer. Car couldn't quite get there but if I recall I made it to around 260-270.

Still, well done. Best I ever managed was about 230-235. Not sure if the car could have done better but my nerves and sense of self-preservation wouldn't!

My Dad was a test pilot for Sikorsky helicopters. At age 16 I got my auto driver's learning permit. That was back in the USA. My Dad told me to always obey the speed limit, and to remember that the takeoff speed for small aircraft is only about 70 Mph.

Never got the chance to invite him to Germany and take him for a drive on the autobahn - and point out that there IS no speed limit! Buckle up, Dad!

But then again, he was a test pilot. Probably would have told me to "pull over kid. Let me take the wheel and show you how it's done."

[socaldmax]

I spent some of my teen yrs in Sicily, which explains why I'm not good at identifying mid 60s muscle cars, but I can identify most European exotic cars, especially MB SL models.

My stepdad and I didn't get along but one night he told me to follow him to the Officer's Club, which had some fairly well known British rock band playing that night. Since he hated music and preferred AM talk radio, I thought he'd gone nuts.

It turns out he had spotted a 300SL Gullwing and the lead singer of the band owned it. He asked the lead singer if he could give us a ride in it, but he said they were about to take the stage in a few minutes. Amazingly, he tossed the keys to my stepdad and told him to bring it back in one piece!

We took it out on the Autostrada and since it was dark and someone else's car, he only took it up to 120 or 130 mph, but it was an amazingly great handling car. For the rest of his life, he wanted to own a gullwing, but never quite got there. He did own a 230SL at the time, we took that out on the Autostrada on the weekends and he took that up to 115 - 120 mph periodically. When we moved back to CA in 1975, the nation was still doing the 55 mph BS, so he sold it since he couldn't go fast enough to even get into 3rd gear.

He took the proceeds from that, plus extra and did manage to buy a 300SL roadster, but he probably only drove that one once or twice, he restored it for the car show circuit.

[Tayana42]

Originally Posted by a64pilot

My 71 Westfalia is the only vehicle I wish I still had, vans were slow, but as all the furniture in a Westie was made from 3/4” plywood, they redefined slow.

I had mine for 15 years and wish I could get another that’s been fully restored. I don’t wish I still had the same one. For ten years I drove it in Minnesota. It was good in snow but road salt was not good on it. The first winter the heat exchanger boxes rusted through allowing exhaust into the cabin. Not good. A nation wide search found a pair of used heat exchangers in a wrecking yard in Arizona and with a lot of finger smashing I replaced them. The second winter ate the new heat exchangers so for the next 8 years I drove that thing to work with no heat and no defroster. I dressed exactly as though I was going skiing and used an ice scraper on the inside of the windshield to see out. I was not sorry to see it go.

Oh yeah, I learned to hate adjusting the valve lifters laying under the engine compartment on the the cold concrete driveway when it was -20 Fahrenheit.

[socaldmax]

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[a64pilot]

Originally Posted by Tayana42

I had mine for 15 years and wish I could get another that’s been fully restored. I don’t wish I still had the same one. For ten years I drove it in Minnesota. It was good in snow but road salt was not good on it. The first winter the heat exchanger boxes rusted through allowing exhaust into the cabin. Not good. A nation wide search found a pair of used heat exchangers in a wrecking yard in Arizona and with a lot of finger smashing I replaced them. The second winter ate the new heat exchangers so for the next 8 years I drove that thing to work with no heat and no defroster. I dressed exactly as though I was going skiing and used an ice scraper on the inside of the windshield to see out. I was not sorry to see it go.

Oh yeah, I learned to hate adjusting the valve lifters laying under the engine compartment on the the cold concrete driveway when it was -20 Fahrenheit.

I don’t live where it’s cold, but did learn that for any serious work to just remove the engine, it’s only held in three bolts, or maybe it’s three bolts and the starter bolt also. But it only took about 15 min to drop the motor.
But I was slow apparently.
Guinness World Record to R&R a VW motor, no power tools allowed, jut hand tools

https://youtu.be/gKF6dcKjLJo

[a64pilot]

although that’s slow compared how long it takes to R&R a generator belt
https://youtu.be/BQhfcdQf1QA

[socaldmax]

When I used to take my bug to the bug-ins in the late 70s/early 80s, they used to remove/replace the engine in about 4 minutes, I thought that was fast! Wow! 1:10!

The belt replacement was also amazing, but why do the mechanics still charge 2 hrs book time to replace the belt?

[a64pilot]

You buy this book and never pay a mechanic for anything
https://www.alibris.com/search/books...B&gclsrc=aw.ds

Try to find one spiral bound and I believe in black and white. I bet they are a collectors item now.
John Muir the author was an interesting story, never met him, would have been interesting though.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Muir_(engineer)

[Tayana42]

Yes, John Muir’s book kept my VW alive and me with it. I love that he reminds you if you have long hair to tie it back. Then he was probably talking to hippies. Now, likely women are working on their cars too. I often jokes that he not only told you which screwdriver to use but which end of it to hold. That was the kind of help I needed.