The New Joke Thread

[GILow]

Originally Posted by chrisr

love it, and reminds me of one of my favourite bumper stickers



"YES, this is my ute, and NO i will not help you move"



let me know if translation required...



cheers,

I love that sticker.

I see it around now and then. I’ve been meaning to look for a van-owner’s equivalent.

The one I had on the back of my ancient Range Rover read “If you can read this, I’ve lost my caravan.”

I also want the one that reads “Beam me up Scotty, there’s no intelligent life down here”.

[Buzzman]

Originally Posted by socaldmax

Sooo... where's the boat...??

[socaldmax]

Originally Posted by Buzzman

Sooo... where's the boat...??

That pic was taken on the aft deck of the megayacht.

[Quebramar]

Originally Posted by Buzzman

Sooo... where's the boat...??

Gone sailing ? [emoji30]

[LakeSuperior]

I came across a great movie about a semi-truck with a defective refrigeration unit that was racing to deliver a large shipment of meat.

Unfortunately, the trailer spoiled it.

[LakeSuperior]

I recently walked down a street where the homes were numbered 64K, 128K, 256K, 512K and 1024K.

It was a trip down memory lane!

[LakeSuperior]

All women complain about husbands not listening.

I am so fortunate! My wife never says that to me.

[Tayana42]

Originally Posted by Jim Cate

And that, in turn, reminds me of my favorite bumper sticker, seen on a clapped out VW on good ole hw 101:



My other car is a piece of s... too!



Jim

My 71 VW camper had a bumper sticker that said, “ I may be slow but I’m ahead of you.”

[pianopraze]

Originally Posted by StuM

> "Because I can." LOL


> that is pretty much the way we treat BMWs

Two self proclaimed a*holes here so far. Anyone else want to join the club?

So if you were from around here what you would be asking is "Does anyone here drive a big oversized black SUV?"

Cause they are worse than BMW drivers around here.

[skipmac]

Originally Posted by chrisr

as a porsche driver, that is pretty much the way we treat BMWs...

cheers,

Reminds me of a business trip I made to W Europe a few years ago. We were staying in Rotterdam but had meetings all around including Germany. Boss decided to rent a BMW but didn't feel like driving the day we went to Germany so I got my first taste of Autobahn driving.

So we hit the unlimited section and I was cruising between 150-190 kph thinking I was pretty cool. Then a guy in a minivan blew my doors off which kind of deflated my ego.

By the way, saw an occasional BMW and Mercedes in the fast lane, one Porsche but was passed by more Audis than anything.

[a64pilot]

Originally Posted by Tayana42

My 71 VW camper had a bumper sticker that said, “ I may be slow but I’m ahead of you.”

My 71 Westfalia is the only vehicle I wish I still had, vans were slow, but as all the furniture in a Westie was made from 3/4” plywood, they redefined slow.
Once you had one for awhile you discovered they would hill climb better in reverse as reverse was a little lower gear than 1st.

I believe Road and Track tested a later model Diesel and didn’t comment on braking, the reason the gave was the vehicle was so slow to accelerate that the brakes were cold so you couldn’t fade them.
Didn’t try downhill I guess.

Car life magazine did a review of a 67 model, and didn’t quote a 0 to 60 time as 59 MPH was as fast as they could get it to go

Our 71’s were the best ever made, they were the first year of the dual port intake meaning each cylinder got it’s own intake tube, older models shared one per side. And after 71 pollution controls began to strangle the engine.

[LakeSuperior]

For Mother's Day...

[svmariane]

Had this story all written out and edited about driving a Miata MX-5 on the German autobahn at 200Kph and getting my doors blow off by a Ferrari. You get spared because I hit some damn key that deleted the entire post!

So this is all ya get:

Took my Ferrari to a specialist for some work recently...
When I asked for a quote he said

"Ask not what your Ferrari can do for you, but what you can do for your Ferrari."

[skipmac]

Originally Posted by svmariane

Had this story all written out and edited about driving a Miata MX-5 on the German autobahn at 200Kph and getting my doors blow off by a Ferrari.

After I dropped my boss off my goal was to see if I could get 300 kph on the speedometer. Car couldn't quite get there but if I recall I made it to around 260-270.

[svmariane]

A guy is driving his brand new Ferrari down the streets and as he stops at a trafic light he recognizes an old friend from high shcool driving a barely functioning Fiero. The guy can't resist making fun of his old classmate and his apparent bad luck with money.

* - Hey Mitch, it's been a long time ! How are you doing ?
*- Oh it's fine, I guess... hmm it's Ferrari's last model you have there, right?
*- Yeah, he says smiling. You like it ?
*- Of course I do. I like it so much, I'd like to trade it for my car."

The guy in the Ferrari burst out laughing. Why would he trade his Ferrari for a beaten up car ? But the old classmate has more than just a car: "Let's go park somewhere down the street, I'll show you something".

As they stop and go out of their cars, Mitch pulls out an old lamp from the Fiero. "Check this out" he says. He scrubs the lamp for a second, and a genie comes out. "Hey genie, could you give us two cold beers please ?" And poof! The two old friends get their beers.

Amazed by this, the guy is ok to trade his Ferrari for the Fiero and the lamp.

The guy is so proud of himself, he honks several times when he reaches home, causing his wife to get out of the house.

"What the hell is this shitty car ? Where is your Ferrari ?" asks the wife.
"Forget about the Ferrari, I have something even greater!"

He pulls out the lamp, scrubs it, the genie appears. The man then asks the genie to give his wife flowers, and the same Ferrari, but in a different color.

To which the genie answers "Sorry sir, I can only grant you cold beers."