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Old 29-04-2020, 13:42   #9991
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by JoeRobertJr View Post
In honor of the current page number,...

If 666 is the number of evil, then 25.806975... is the root of all evil.
$666.95 - Retail price of the Beast
$699.25 - Price of the Beast plus 5% sales tax
$769.95 - Price of the Beast with all accessories and replacement soul
$656.66 - Walmart price of the Beast
6, uh... what was that number again? - Number of the Blonde Beast
00666 - Zip code of the Beast
1-900-666-0666 - Live Beasts! One-on-one pacts! Call Now! Only $6.66/minute. Over 18 only please.
Route 666 - Highway of the Beast
666 F - Oven temperature for roast Beast
666k - Retirement plan of the Beast
6.66 % - 5 year CD interest rate at First Beast National Bank, $666 minimum deposit.
i66686 - CPU of the Beast
666i - BMW of the Beast
DSM-666 - Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the Beast
668 - Next-door neighbor of the Beast
2x4x666 - Lumber of the Beast
999 - Number of the Beast in Australia
Inspired possibly by the fact that this is page 666 of the thread?

And a true story about 666. Years ago my daughter moved to a new state and wanted a cell phone with a local number. When setting up her new account she asked if there were any easy to remember or cool numbers available. Sales rep said yes, we have a local number ending in -6666. Daughter asked why such an easy number was available? Was told that everyone else turned it down because of the sixes.
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Old 29-04-2020, 14:20   #9992
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by TravelinLight View Post
I also quit Facebook a couple of years ago. The problem is the new platform becomes what you hate about the old one. LinkedIn is supposed to be about work, networking, and business. It has become Facebook light. Instagram was decent for a while and now many are turning to politics.

Good luck with the venture, but the real issue "business model" is how not to become another Facebook

No joke in this reply, sorry about that.
Oh, good lord. Are you serious? (Notice that I did not call you Shirley. )

This is the Joke Thread! My post about a new website was written and meant to be taken as tongue-in-cheek. It was a JOKE! Okay, it was triggered by post #9969 from delmarrey, but it was a joke.


Hint for future reference: Whatever it might be, if it's posted in the Joke Thread then reader beware.


edit
Come to think about it.... YOU are just yanking my chain, right?

Well played, sir, well played.
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Old 29-04-2020, 14:44   #9993
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by delmarrey View Post
It appears the CF has become a Socialist site!
Good bye and good riddance!
Aw, man....

You're gonna miss your CF 20th anniversary party!
And it's only 35 months away! Almost around the bend.



You wanna talk about anchors? Okay? Would that be okay?
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Old 29-04-2020, 14:48   #9994
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 29-04-2020, 14:56   #9995
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Re: The New Joke Thread

BREAKING NEWS

(Updates my previous post concerning Octoberfest in Bavaria.)

The Mayor of Munich has declared that due to the COVID-19 outbreak and the need for social distancing that might continue for months, Octoberfest 2020 is cancelled.

In related news, certain individuals who normally rely on Octoberfest for the majority of their annual income will need alternative employment opportunities. Do you have a job available for one of the young ladies who, through no fault of their own, find themselves seeking assistance?
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Old 29-04-2020, 17:16   #9996
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by belizesailor View Post
Were you not mechanically inclined in your youth?

Hint: its a small engine ignition part.


Small???? Ive seen them on big block V8s.
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Old 29-04-2020, 17:28   #9997
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by Cat36Mahalo View Post
Small???? Ive seen them on big block V8s.
its[sic] a "small engine" "ignition part".
v

its[sic] a "small" "engine ignition part".
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Old 29-04-2020, 18:00   #9998
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by StuM View Post
its[sic] a "small engine" "ignition part".
v

its[sic] a "small" "engine ignition part".

Small? In today's wacky world I think we're supposed to use the phrase Volumetrically challenged!
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Old 29-04-2020, 18:05   #9999
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Random thoughts stolen from cyberspace.

Sea otters hold hands when they sleep so that they dont drift apart.

Cows have best friends.

Squirrels actually plant millions of trees each year by simply forgetting where they buried their acorns.

When playing with female puppies, male puppies always let them win.

Dolphins have names for each other.

When mated seahorses travel, they hold each others tail.
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Old 29-04-2020, 18:44   #10000
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by JoeRobertJr View Post
In honor of the current page number,...

If 666 is the number of evil, then 25.806975... is the root of all evil.
$666.95 - Retail price of the Beast
$699.25 - Price of the Beast plus 5% sales tax
$769.95 - Price of the Beast with all accessories and replacement soul
$656.66 - Walmart price of the Beast
6, uh... what was that number again? - Number of the Blonde Beast
00666 - Zip code of the Beast
1-900-666-0666 - Live Beasts! One-on-one pacts! Call Now! Only $6.66/minute. Over 18 only please.
Route 666 - Highway of the Beast
666 F - Oven temperature for roast Beast
666k - Retirement plan of the Beast
6.66 % - 5 year CD interest rate at First Beast National Bank, $666 minimum deposit.
i66686 - CPU of the Beast
666i - BMW of the Beast
DSM-666 - Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the Beast
668 - Next-door neighbor of the Beast
2x4x666 - Lumber of the Beast
999 - Number of the Beast in Australia
I used to run for exercise and in races. In one 5K race I had the bib number 666. The organizer handing it to me said, “I’ll give you a different number if you want.” I said no, it is just a number. During the race no problem as I am slow and others were passing me. At the end of the race, several people pointed at me, like I was the devil. As an atheist, I found it quite amusing.
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Old 29-04-2020, 20:04   #10001
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Gynecologist's Assistant Wanted...

A retired man went into the Job Center in Downtown San Francisco, and saw a card advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant. Interested, he went in and asked the clerk for details.
The clerk pulled up the file and read; "The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynecologist. You have to help the women out of their underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing oils so they're ready for the gynecologist's examination.
The annual salary is $65,000, and you'll have to go to Twin Falls, Idaho."
"Good grief . . . Is that where the job is?"

"No sir . . . that's where the end of the line is right now."---
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Old 29-04-2020, 20:05   #10002
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 29-04-2020, 20:06   #10003
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Old 29-04-2020, 20:06   #10004
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Old 29-04-2020, 20:07   #10005
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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