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Old 29-04-2020, 05:38   #9976
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by GordMay View Post
Answering the age old question.

What if a glass of water was, all of a sudden, literally half empty?


https://what-if.xkcd.com/6/
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Old 29-04-2020, 05:45   #9977
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by StuM View Post
What if a glass of water was, all of a sudden, literally half empty?
https://what-if.xkcd.com/6/
WOW!!!
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Old 29-04-2020, 05:56   #9978
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Those 2 videos were amazing, sadly deleted. Can you send me the link of the song to me in message?
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Old 29-04-2020, 06:32   #9979
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by GordMay View Post
Answering the age old question.


The optimist says the glass is half full of water.
The pessimist says the glass is half empty of water.
The realist says the water is polluted.
The opportunist says that while you were discussing what the glass was he drank it.
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Old 29-04-2020, 06:52   #9980
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by GordMay View Post
Answering the age old question.


If filling it is half full
If using it is half empty
If it is being stored just a half glass water
if being served ---- pass the bourbon first!!!
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Old 29-04-2020, 10:26   #9981
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Re: The New Joke Thread

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face and the egg is frowning and looking a bit pissed off. The egg mutters, to no-one in particular, "Well, I guess we answered THAT question!"
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Old 29-04-2020, 12:31   #9982
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Guy in a suit: "I'm an idea man."

Guy on mushrooms: "I'm an idea, man."
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Old 29-04-2020, 12:31   #9983
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
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Old 29-04-2020, 12:32   #9984
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Re: The New Joke Thread

We all have this colleague who, we hope, quits his job so everyone in the office is happy. If you don't know any such person, quit your job.
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Old 29-04-2020, 12:34   #9985
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Our boat talks to us. Guess that happens over time as we get to know her. With my wife, while steering and dancing the boat over the wavetops to hold a course that keeps us off a reef - the girls just get into sync, chatter in that unknown women's language, and we end up going five or six more points to windward then I could ever possiblly hope to have achieved.

With me? I try to talk with the boat but the only reply is something like maybe the bitter end of a jibsheet bitchin that "I'm a frayed knot!"
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Old 29-04-2020, 12:37   #9986
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by delmarrey View Post
It appears the CF has become a Socialist site!
Good bye and good riddance!

Lots of people are getting disgusted with social media and talk about quitting. So I'm preparing to launch a new website parralled onto Facebook with Twitter feeds, put the word out with LinkedIn, offering advice on "How to Quit Social Media", It'll be great! Not only offering tips on how to stop connecting daily but also offer a real-time feed-back section where people can describe their individual experiences in quiting, get helpful advice from others who are quitting, and join the growing online community of people who disconnecting from the online world.
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Old 29-04-2020, 12:48   #9987
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by svmariane View Post
Lots of people are getting disgusted with social media and talk about quitting. So I'm preparing to launch a new website parralled onto Facebook with Twitter feeds, put the word out with LinkedIn, offering advice on "How to Quit Social Media", It'll be great! Not only offering tips on how to stop connecting daily but also offer a real-time feed-back section where people can describe their individual experiences in quiting, get helpful advice from others who are quitting, and join the growing online community of people who disconnecting from the online world.


I deleted my Facebook and all Facebook related almost 2 years ago. I don’t miss it a tiny bit. But I find it odd when someone asks me “what?? You don’t have Facebook???” almost as if I just committed a grave sin.....
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Old 29-04-2020, 12:58   #9988
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Re: The New Joke Thread

In honor of the current page number,...

If 666 is the number of evil, then 25.806975... is the root of all evil.
$666.95 - Retail price of the Beast
$699.25 - Price of the Beast plus 5% sales tax
$769.95 - Price of the Beast with all accessories and replacement soul
$656.66 - Walmart price of the Beast
6, uh... what was that number again? - Number of the Blonde Beast
00666 - Zip code of the Beast
1-900-666-0666 - Live Beasts! One-on-one pacts! Call Now! Only $6.66/minute. Over 18 only please.
Route 666 - Highway of the Beast
666 F - Oven temperature for roast Beast
666k - Retirement plan of the Beast
6.66 % - 5 year CD interest rate at First Beast National Bank, $666 minimum deposit.
i66686 - CPU of the Beast
666i - BMW of the Beast
DSM-666 - Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the Beast
668 - Next-door neighbor of the Beast
2x4x666 - Lumber of the Beast
999 - Number of the Beast in Australia
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Old 29-04-2020, 13:24   #9989
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 29-04-2020, 13:28   #9990
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by svmariane View Post
Lots of people are getting disgusted with social media and talk about quitting. So I'm preparing to launch a new website parralled onto Facebook with Twitter feeds, put the word out with LinkedIn, offering advice on "How to Quit Social Media", It'll be great! Not only offering tips on how to stop connecting daily but also offer a real-time feed-back section where people can describe their individual experiences in quiting, get helpful advice from others who are quitting, and join the growing online community of people who disconnecting from the online world.
I also quit Facebook a couple of years ago. The problem is the new platform becomes what you hate about the old one. LinkedIn is supposed to be about work, networking, and business. It has become Facebook light. Instagram was decent for a while and now many are turning to politics.

Good luck with the venture, but the real issue "business model" is how not to become another Facebook

No joke in this reply, sorry about that.
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