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Old 22-04-2020, 14:09   #9736
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Buzzman View Post
I wonder if, as this goes on, that 'fashion' masks will become a 'thing'?

I know there are already plenty of patterns for homemades and others that are more fashionable than the standard hospital 'donald duckbill', but could we, eventually, see a new form of headgear emerge as an 'away from home protection device' and thereby see a new form of 'fascinator' emerge as a corona-fashion item?

If so, can I hereby coin 'corona-couture'..???

Probably all it will take is for Paris or Kim K to #Instagram their take on it, and boom - thirteen year old girls will go nuts for them....
Already on Amazon and elsewhere.
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Old 22-04-2020, 15:33   #9737
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Do you use all of your time expired flares?


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Old 22-04-2020, 16:07   #9738
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Re: The New Joke Thread

https://worldnewsdailyreport.com/iri...rzEUxKJ9bA2xDQ
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Old 22-04-2020, 17:44   #9739
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Re: The New Joke Thread

The 12 Commandments of Growing Old

#1 - Talk to yourself, because there are times you need expert advice.
#2 - Consider "In Style" to be the clothes that still fit.
#3 - You don't need anger management. You need people to stop pissing you off.
#4 - Your people skills are just fine. It's your tolerance for idiots that needs work.
#5 - The biggest lie you tell yourself is, "I don't need to write that down. I'll remember it."
#6 - These days, "on time" is when you get there.
#7 - Even duct tape can't fix stupid - but it sure does muffle the sound.
#8 - Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes,
then come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller?
#9 - Lately, You've noticed people your age are so much older than you
#10 - You thought growing old would take longer.
#11 - Aging sure has slowed you down, but it hasn't shut you up.
#12 - You still haven't learned to act your age, and hope you never will.
And one more:
So you know you are growing old when "one for the road" means taking a pee before you leave the house.
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Old 22-04-2020, 18:00   #9740
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Re: The New Joke Thread

... and you know you're getting old when a "quick one before dinner" ... is a drink.
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Old 22-04-2020, 21:15   #9741
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Normality is a state of mind. If you're married then you know that when shopping for a new jacket it is normal to ask your wife "Honey, do I like this?"
.

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Old 23-04-2020, 02:08   #9742
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Re: The New Joke Thread





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Old 23-04-2020, 04:41   #9743
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eigenvector View Post
and from a favorite: Klaatu barada nikto
I don’t think that’s a code, it’s what the “spaceman” said to the robot in, Damn I don’t remember name of the movie, but he comes to Earth post WWII lands his saucer in Washington, move was remade recently.
Getting Old sux.
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Old 23-04-2020, 04:59   #9744
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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I don’t think that’s a code, it’s what the “spaceman” said to the robot in, Damn I don’t remember name of the movie, but he comes to Earth post WWII lands his saucer in Washington, move was remade recently.
Getting Old sux.

From "The Day The Earth Stood Still" I believe.
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Old 23-04-2020, 05:12   #9745
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by a64pilot View Post
I don’t think that’s a code, it’s what the “spaceman” said to the robot in, Damn I don’t remember name of the movie, but he comes to Earth post WWII lands his saucer in Washington, move was remade recently.
Getting Old sux.
It sounds to me like the words Ash (from army of darkness) had to say when he read from the book of the dead
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Old 23-04-2020, 05:14   #9746
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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It sounds to me like the words Ash (from army of darkness) had to say when he read from the book of the dead
I stand correctedClick image for larger version

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Old 23-04-2020, 05:54   #9747
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by a64pilot View Post
I don’t think that’s a code, it’s what the “spaceman” said to the robot in, Damn I don’t remember name of the movie, but he comes to Earth post WWII lands his saucer in Washington, move was remade recently.
Getting Old sux.


The day the earth stood still.
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Old 23-04-2020, 06:37   #9748
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Re: The New Joke Thread

I hate the word "xenophobia"

it just sounds so...foreign!
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Old 23-04-2020, 06:38   #9749
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Re: The New Joke Thread

I met an estate agent who didn’t know the abbreviation for ‘apartment’.

I thought, “that’s so apt”.
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Old 23-04-2020, 07:00   #9750
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by Eigenvector View Post
I'll wait to see if someone else picks up on it before I respond.


Things to ponder within jokes so to speak...........
I got it with post #9720, common give me some sugar baby, or I’ll break out my boom stick. (I can keep going)
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