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Old 11-04-2020, 09:44   #9376
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 11-04-2020, 09:45   #9377
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 11-04-2020, 10:06   #9378
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Re: The New Joke Thread

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon and announces, with gravel in his voice, "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw."

A short while later, a termite walks in and asks "where's the bar tender?"
----
A father and son were walking through the park one day when the boy noticed a male dog humping a female dog.
"What are they doing?" the boy asked his father.
Embarrassed, the father said "they're making puppies."

Weeks later, the boy walks in on his parents having sex.
"What are you doing to mommy?" the boy asks.
Embarrassed, the father responds "We're making you a sister."
Now disappointed, the boy asks "Can you flip her over? I'd rather have a puppy."
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Old 11-04-2020, 10:06   #9379
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Old 11-04-2020, 10:10   #9380
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Mom and dad take their 5 year-old son to the zoo...

They stop by the elephants and the son notices the bull elephant, who's clearly excited. The son whispers to mom, "Mom, what's that thing hanging from the elephant?"

The mom, not really paying attention replies, "That's the elephant's trunk, sweetie."

The son replies, "No, mom. I know what the trunk is. What's THAT thing hanging under the elephant?" He points directly to the bull elephant's now engorged member.

The mother looks, blushes, and quickly says, "Oh! Um...that's nothing, sweetie."

Frustrated, the son tugs on dad's shirt and asks, "Dad, what's that thing hanging underneath the elephant? I know it's not the trunk."

The dad looks and calmly says, "That's the elephant's penis, son."

The son asks, "When I asked mom, she said it was nothing."

The dad smiles and says, "Son, I've SPOILED that woman."
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Old 11-04-2020, 11:26   #9381
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Rube Goldberg back at work. Must be working for TP company and picking up commission from hand cleaners.
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Old 11-04-2020, 13:29   #9382
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Re: The New Joke Thread

A couple are stuck at home with designated quarantine. Health Worker comes by for a routine check and asks the lady where her husband is. Lady says that he's in the garden. The Health Worker says I just walked by the garden and did not see him. The lady replies: well, you have to dig a little.
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Old 11-04-2020, 15:17   #9383
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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There is a bar here in San Diego called "The Office."

You can see where this is going.



And there's a boat here called "The Boardroom"
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Old 11-04-2020, 16:15   #9384
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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I watched that and my first thought was: "That guy's wife is sitting on the toilet and soon she's going to realize she doesn't have any TP, why that is and who is responsible for it and then he will pay for it. For the rest of his life.

In situations like this when you get stuck on the toilet with no TP, you can see the funny side of it, or you can get angry. Estrogen apparently triggers the angry response because I've NEVER heard a woman call out for TP and then laugh about it.
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Old 11-04-2020, 16:20   #9385
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Just ducked out to do a quick shop and saw this in the local supermarket

Wow, that is a S@%*tload of TP!
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Old 12-04-2020, 01:34   #9386
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 12-04-2020, 07:21   #9387
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Re: The New Joke Thread

SCUBA is an acronym for Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus.

What you may not know is that Tuba is also an acronym...

For Terrible Underwater Breathing Apparatus.
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Old 12-04-2020, 07:23   #9388
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Re: The New Joke Thread

I am often asked, "Is google a man or a women?"

My simple answer is: It's a woman because it won't let you finish your sentence without making a suggestion.
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Old 12-04-2020, 07:25   #9389
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Re: The New Joke Thread

And now for today's favorite...

What happened when Arkansas was told to integrate the Little Rock nine?

They got the Little Rock 9x+c
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Old 12-04-2020, 07:57   #9390
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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And now for today's favorite...

What happened when Arkansas was told to integrate the Little Rock nine?

They got the Little Rock 9x+c

That makes the very dubious assumption that someone in Arkansas was smart enough to know what calculus is.
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