Cruisers Forum
 


Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Rating: Thread Rating: 5 votes, 4.80 average. Display Modes
Old 11-04-2020, 02:09   #9361
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 6,210
Re: The New Joke Thread

socaldmax is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-04-2020, 02:11   #9362
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 6,210
Re: The New Joke Thread

socaldmax is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-04-2020, 02:14   #9363
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 6,210
Re: The New Joke Thread

I was in the pub on Saturday night. I noticed two large girls by the bar.

They both had strong accents so I said "Hi, are you two girls from Scotland ?"

One of them chirped "It's WALES you ***king idiot !!!"

So I immediately apologized and said "Sorry, are you two whales from Scotland ?"

That's the last thing I remember.
socaldmax is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-04-2020, 02:15   #9364
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 6,210
Re: The New Joke Thread

socaldmax is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-04-2020, 02:16   #9365
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 6,210
Re: The New Joke Thread

socaldmax is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-04-2020, 02:18   #9366
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 6,210
Re: The New Joke Thread

Laughter is the Best Medicine

• Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.

• I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.

• I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.

• Still haven't decided where to go for Easter ----- The Living Room or The Bedroom

• PSA: every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.

• Homeschooling is going well. 2 students suspended for fighting and 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job.

• I don't think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we'd go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone

• This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house, told my dog..... we laughed a lot.

• So, after this quarantine.....will the producers of My 600 Pound Life just find me or do I find them?

• Quarantine Day 5: Went to this restaurant called THE KITCHEN. You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have no clue how this place is still in business.

• My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.

• Day 5 of Homeschooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat.

• I'm so excited --- it's time to take out the garbage. What should I wear?

• I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to Puerto Backyarda. I'm getting tired of Los Living room.

• Classified Ad: Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun.

• Day 6 of Homeschooling: My child just said "I hope I don't have the same teacher next year".... I'm offended.

Day 13 – If you keep a glass of wine in each hand, you can’t accidentally touch your face.
socaldmax is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-04-2020, 02:21   #9367
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 6,210
Re: The New Joke Thread

socaldmax is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-04-2020, 02:22   #9368
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 6,210
Re: The New Joke Thread

socaldmax is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-04-2020, 02:31   #9369
Senior Cruiser
 
StuM's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Port Moresby,Papua New Guinea
Boat: FP Belize Maestro 43 and OPB
Posts: 10,489
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by socaldmax View Post
See? I knew Stu liked movie #9!

Typo, I meant crockpot pie of course
StuM is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 11-04-2020, 07:02   #9370
Registered User
 
LakeSuperior's Avatar

Join Date: Jan 2008
Boat: Teak Yawl, 37'
Posts: 2,588
Images: 7
Re: The New Joke Thread

Stevie Wonder is playing his first gig in Tokyo. The place is absolutely packed to the rafters. In a bid to break the ice with his new audience he asks if anyone would like him to play a request.

A little old Japanese man jumps out of his seat in the first row and shouts at the top of his voice... "Play a Jazz chord! Play a jazz chord!" Amazed that this guy knows about the jazz influences in Stevie's varied career, the blind impresario starts to play an E minor scale and then goes into a difficult jazz melody for about 10 minutes. When he finishes the whole place goes wild.

The little old man jumps up again and shouts... "No, no, play a Jazz chord, play a Jazz chord". A bit annoyed by this, Stevie, being the professional that he is, dives straight into a jazz improvisation with his band around the B flat minor chord and really tears the place apart. The crowd goes wild with this impromptu show of his technical expertise.

The little old man jumps up again and shouts... "No, no, play a Jazz chord, play a Jazz chord". A bit annoyed by this, Stevie, being the professional that he is, dives straight into a jazz improvisation with his band around the B flat minor chord and really tears the place apart. The crowd goes wild with this impromptu show of his technical expertise.

The little old man jumps up again. "No, no. Play a Jazz chord, play a Jazz chord". Thoroughly angry now that this little guy doesn't seem to appreciate his playing ability, Stevie says to him from the stage, "OK smart ass, you get up here and do it!"

The little old man climbs up onto the stage, takes hold of the mike, and starts to sing..... "A jazz chord to shay I ruv you.”
LakeSuperior is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 11-04-2020, 07:03   #9371
Registered User
 
LakeSuperior's Avatar

Join Date: Jan 2008
Boat: Teak Yawl, 37'
Posts: 2,588
Images: 7
Re: The New Joke Thread

Teaching the farm animals to read was going well until the chickens read a book on democracy.

Then they staged a Coop d'etat
LakeSuperior is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 11-04-2020, 07:04   #9372
Registered User
 
LakeSuperior's Avatar

Join Date: Jan 2008
Boat: Teak Yawl, 37'
Posts: 2,588
Images: 7
Re: The New Joke Thread

Before the quarantine I was going to strip clubs almost every day...

...but now they're all clothed until further notice.
LakeSuperior is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 11-04-2020, 08:56   #9373
Registered User

Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 661
Re: The New Joke Thread

"Mama," said little Linda, "do all fairy tales begin with 'once upon a time'?"

"No, darling," said Mama grimly. "Sometimes they begin, 'My love, I will be detained at the office pretty late tonight.'"
Jdege is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-04-2020, 09:29   #9374
Senior Cruiser

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Jun 2018
Location: Orefield, PA
Boat: Catalina 25
Posts: 170
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jdege View Post
"Mama," said little Linda, "do all fairy tales begin with 'once upon a time'?"

"No, darling," said Mama grimly. "Sometimes they begin, 'My love, I will be detained at the office pretty late tonight.'"
Ooo... someone is getting a little fairy tail on the side.
JoeRobertJr is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 11-04-2020, 09:41   #9375
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 6,210
Re: The New Joke Thread

There is a bar here in San Diego called "The Office."

You can see where this is going.
socaldmax is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Advertise Here


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:55.


Google+
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Social Knowledge Networks
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

ShowCase vBulletin Plugins by Drive Thru Online, Inc.