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Old 05-04-2020, 08:28   #9271
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by GordMay View Post
Honest Government Ad - Coronavirus: Flatten The Curve
The Government has made an ad about the Coronavirus and its surprisingly honest and informative
https://www.thejuicemedia.com/honest...d-coronavirus/
Those Aussies sure know how to mix truth, humor, frankness, assignment of responsibility / accountability and a tad of humor. That group touches on many a subject, COVID-19 just being one of a long list. Gord check out their website.
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Old 05-04-2020, 09:20   #9272
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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OK, this isn't a joke but some may find it amusing anyway!

Some good news!

In the face of ever increasing CV19 related travel restrictions between Australian states, two state premiers (WA and TAS) have recently announced that the Easter Bunny is considered an essential traveller and have given the rabbit permission to travel unrestricted across their state borders during the easter period. It is hoped the other states will follow suit. Presumably as the easter bunny is rarely seen, it will by force of habit, be social distancing.

I kid you not!
This is one Hare brained scheme that I actually like!
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Old 05-04-2020, 09:22   #9273
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Re: The New Joke Thread

US President Arthur shared this quip, at a Republican banquet, when dishing about how his ticket won the vote in Indiana:
ďIf it were not for the reporters, I would tell you the truth.Ē
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Old 05-04-2020, 09:25   #9274
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by LakeSuperior View Post
I was struggling to get my wifeís attention.

So I simply sat down and looked comfortable.

That did the trick.
I tried that . She thought I liked that program so she hit the remote.
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Old 05-04-2020, 15:35   #9275
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Re: The New Joke Thread

A RECAP OF THE LAST FEW WEEKS

AMERICA: Oh my god! Coronavirus! What should we do?

CALIFORNIA: Shut down your state.

AMERICA: Wait... what? Why?

CALIFORNIA: Because 40 million people live here and we did it early, and itís working.

OHIO: Whoa... whoa... letís not be hasty now. The president said that this whole coronavirus thing is a democratic hoax.

CALIFORNIA: He also said that windmills cause cancer. Shut down your state.

TEXAS: But the president said that we only have 15 cases and soon it'll be zero.

CALIFORNIA: The president canít count to fifteen. Nor even spell it. Shut down your state.

NEW JERSEY: Us too?

CALIFORNIA: Yes, you guys too. Just like when Christie shut down the bridge, but itís your whole state.

FLORIDA: But what about all these kids here on spring break?? They spend a lot of money here!

CALIFORNIA: Those kids invented the tide pod challenge. Shut down your state.

LOUISIANA: But wait letís have Mardi Gras first. It entertains people.

CALIFORNIA: It also kills them. Shut it down.

GEORGIA: Ok well how about we keep the state open for all of our mega churches? Maybe we can all pray really hard until the coronavirus just goes away!

CALIFORNIA: Which is working like a charm for mass shootings. Jesus told us to tell you to shut down your state.

OKLAHOMA: What about the tigers?

CALIFORNIA: What about a dentist. Shut it down.

WYOMING: Hold up, maybe we should go county by county like the president said.

CALIFORNIA: Stop acting like there are counties in Wyoming. There are no counties in Wyoming. Wyoming is a county. Shut it down.

PENNSYLVANIA: But big coal.

CALIFORNIA: But big death. Shut it.

WEST VIRGINIA: But we were the last state to get coronavirus!

CALIFORNIA: And donít make us explain to you why that was. Shut it down.

NORTH CAROLINA: But the republican national convention is coming here!

CALIFORNIA: SHUT... ok fine do what you want.
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Old 05-04-2020, 16:07   #9276
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by GordMay View Post
Since no one is allowed to congregate for funerals; instead, people are driving by the cemetery, and honking their horns, in respect.

One man drives by blasting ďAnother One Bites The DustĒ

The family wanted to be mad, but then another car drove by, playing the same song, and another one does, and another one does,

... and another one drives a bus.
here in oz we are only allowed 5 people at a wedding but 10 at a funeral. no ones knows whether if you have a combined wedding / funeral that means you can have 15...

cheers,
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Old 05-04-2020, 16:10   #9277
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by smbdyiam2 View Post
I tried that . She thought I liked that program so she hit the remote.
i find it works if i start reading a book...never fails

cheers,
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Old 05-04-2020, 17:36   #9278
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Re: The New Joke Thread

A racist video was posted, and was complained about in the thread. That post and the one which quoted it have both been deleted.

In case you aren't aware, one of the mods has just recovered from covid 19 virus-induced pneumonia. We are all volunteers, and like many of you, find our recreational time limited.

If you encounter posts which offend you, please do not respond in the threads. Please use the report post button. We'll get to them as we can. And, in the long run, the offensive post will go away quicker.

Also, please use the ignore button if you identify a poster whose posts consistently offend you. Don't tell them, just do it. Please. Reduce your stress wherever possible, even if it's only little.

Historically, the moderators keep a very loose hand on the jokes thread. I don't think it will become a better place if we have to seriously rein it in. Many countries are still in the early phase of the steep growth of the covid 19 pandemic. We can reasonably anticipate many more cases before the curve's growth slows. It is quite possible the moderators will choose to close all "off topic" threads for the duration. So, if you want the thread, please follow the Community Rules very carefully, now and for the foreseeable future.


Ann
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Old 05-04-2020, 17:53   #9279
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by chrisr View Post
here in oz we are only allowed 5 people at a wedding but 10 at a funeral. no ones knows whether if you have a combined wedding / funeral that means you can have 15...

cheers,
Is that five for him and five for her, or five total? If five for each side then that makes it the same. Unless of course, if the corpse is included as one of the ten. That would require one less at the wedding to make things fair.
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Old 05-04-2020, 17:57   #9280
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 05-04-2020, 18:49   #9281
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 05-04-2020, 18:50   #9282
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 05-04-2020, 19:16   #9283
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Re: The New Joke Thread

For those that don't know what 2 meters or 6 feet is.
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Old 05-04-2020, 20:03   #9284
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Old 05-04-2020, 22:09   #9285
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by El Pinguino View Post
I thought - as I started to read that - that you were giving us a recipe....


, I see that now!
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