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Old 02-04-2020, 19:55   #9211
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Just so we're clear - this is the *joke thread*, right...???

[wink]

Pangolin, bat, turtle, jabberwock.......
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Old 02-04-2020, 19:59   #9212
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Buzzman View Post
Just so we're clear - this is the *joke thread*, right...???

[wink]

Pangolin, bat, turtle, jabberwock.......
Yes, that was my point to you.

Just enjoy the jokes and quit dissecting them.
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Old 02-04-2020, 20:06   #9213
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 02-04-2020, 20:15   #9214
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Re: The New Joke Thread

i really don't have anything against lawyers...really i don't (i am required by the settlement order to state this) but here goes ;

Two lawyers had been stranded on a desert island for several months. The only thing on the island was a tall coconut tree that provided them their only food.

Each day one of the lawyers would climb to the top to see if he could spot a rescue boat coming.

One day the lawyer yelled down from the tree, "WOW, I just can't believe my eyes. There is a woman out there floating.....!!! in our direction."

The lawyer on the ground was most sceptical and said, "You're hallucinating; you've finally lost your mind."

But within a few minutes, up to the beach floated a stunning red head, face up, totally
naked, unconscious, without even so much as a ring or earrings on her person.

The two lawyers went down to the water, dragged her up on the beach and discovered, yes, she was alive, warm and breathing.

One said to the other, "You know, we've been on this God forsaken island for months now without a woman. It's been such a long, long time....So... do you think we should ... well ... you know... screw her?"

"Out of WHAT ?!?" asked the other.

cheers,
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Old 02-04-2020, 21:00   #9215
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Heard a Dr. on TV saying in this time of Coronavirus staying at home we should focus on inner peace. To achieve this we should always finish things we start and we all could use more calm in our lives. I looked through my house to find things I'd started and hadn't finished, so I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, tha mainder of Valiumun srciptuns, an a box a chocletz. Yu haf no idr how feckin fablus I feel rite now. Sned this to all who need inner piss. An telum u luvum. And two hash yer wands, stafe day avrybobby!!!
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Old 03-04-2020, 07:48   #9216
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Re: The New Joke Thread

I watched a documentary on mushrooms last night.

I'll probably watch them all like that from now on.
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Old 03-04-2020, 07:50   #9217
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quarantine time is so dangerous for me. I got so friendly with my wife...

...that i almost confided the relationship problems I was having with my girlfriend.
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Old 03-04-2020, 08:57   #9218
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Re: The New Joke Thread

What's the fastest liquid on earth? Milk. It's pasteurized before you can see it.
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Old 03-04-2020, 08:57   #9219
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Stephen King has a son named Joe.
I'm not kidding, but he is.
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Old 03-04-2020, 09:19   #9220
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by LakeSuperior View Post
I watched a documentary on mushrooms last night.

I'll probably watch them all like that from now on.

Gee I missed it. Just kept in the dark again.
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Old 03-04-2020, 10:19   #9221
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Re: The New Joke Thread

A widow was married 3 times and was still a virgin.
When a lady friend asked how is that?
She replied 1st husband was impotent and couldn't .
2nd Husband was homosexual and wouldn't.
3rd husband was a politician. " He just kept telling me how great it was going to be. "
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Old 03-04-2020, 11:28   #9222
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Gee I missed it. Just kept in the dark again.
Really? The silly-sly-bin in magic mushrooms usually provide me with a fascinating ever moving kaleidoscope of briliant colours. Maybe your homegrown is a weak strain?
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Old 03-04-2020, 12:09   #9223
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 03-04-2020, 13:29   #9224
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Re: The New Joke Thread

self imposed anti social isolation things to do
# 1 make list of to do things


done
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Old 03-04-2020, 13:45   #9225
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Apparently, it was a pangolin, not a bat....


The Pangolin are being poached into extinction for sale to Asian countries for the same reason as Rhino’s are. So it was put out there that the origin of Corona was the Pangolin to hopefully stop their slaughter. Perhaps done somewhat is jest but somewhat in hope!
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