Cruisers Forum
 


Join CruisersForum Today

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Rating: Thread Rating: 5 votes, 4.80 average. Display Modes
Old 01-04-2020, 21:33   #9196
Bailing as fast as I can.
 
GILow's Avatar

Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Adelaide, South Australia
Boat: Swanson 42
Posts: 6,539
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by socaldmax View Post

Just a wild guess. I'm sure the golf clubs didn't help either.

Thatís sure no way to treat a good #2 driver.
__________________

__________________
Count-down has commenced.
GILow is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-04-2020, 23:03   #9197
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 5,943
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by GILow View Post
Thatís sure no way to treat a good #2 driver.
Agreed!

But I think we can all agree that women in that condition can be quite irrational.

From my own research I've discovered that trying to calm her down by saying, "Honey, please stop acting crazy!" doesn't help, it seems to have the opposite effect.
__________________

socaldmax is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 02-04-2020, 00:06   #9198
Registered User
 
Buzzman's Avatar

Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: New South Wales, Australia
Boat: Still building
Posts: 1,177
Re: The New Joke Thread

Apparently alcohol helps.

But if you hold the funnel and pour it in, not so much.

Problem is: that's how much is required....
Buzzman is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 02-04-2020, 04:00   #9199
Senior Cruiser
 
GordMay's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Thunder Bay, Ontario - 48-29N x 89-20W
Boat: (Cruiser Living On Dirt)
Posts: 38,198
Images: 241
Re: The New Joke Thread

__________________
Gord May
"If you didn't have the time or money to do it right in the first place, when will you get the time/$ to fix it?"



GordMay is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-04-2020, 07:19   #9200
Registered User
 
LakeSuperior's Avatar

Join Date: Jan 2008
Boat: Teak Yawl, 37'
Posts: 2,459
Images: 7
Re: The New Joke Thread

Roses are red,

April is grey,

The next time you leave your house,

Itís gonna be May
LakeSuperior is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-04-2020, 08:32   #9201
Registered User
 
carlosproa's Avatar

Join Date: May 2011
Location: Miami
Boat: EDELCAT33
Posts: 326
Images: 2
Re: The New Joke Thread

Click image for larger version

Name:	edaeffd1-905f-4830-98a6-199c97947037.jpg
Views:	186
Size:	86.7 KB
ID:	211864
Click image for larger version

Name:	IMG_4711.jpg
Views:	185
Size:	149.4 KB
ID:	211865
carlosproa is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-04-2020, 10:33   #9202
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 5,943
Re: The New Joke Thread

socaldmax is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 02-04-2020, 12:17   #9203
Registered User

Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 484
Re: The New Joke Thread

My Daddy said "don't believe everything you hear and only half of what you read"
I took that to mean nothing that I hear on TV or radio. "fake news" and only half of what I read to mean no news papers, magazines, etc. SO the only thing I believe now is good novels like JAWS, Aliens, and Conspiracy theories like JFK.
__________________
have fun-stay safe=stay home
smbdyiam2 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-04-2020, 13:11   #9204
Registered User
 
svmariane's Avatar

Join Date: May 2007
Location: On the hard due to wife's medical condition.
Boat: Sold, alas, because life happens.
Posts: 1,832
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Buzzman View Post
Apparently alcohol helps.

But if you hold the funnel and pour it in, not so much.

Problem is: that's how much is required....
This might be operator error based on a common misconception. See, you're not supposed to use the funnel for pouring alcohol into HER mouth.
__________________
"Being offended is not the same thing as being right." Dave Barry.
Laughter is the salve that keeps reality from scaring.
Į\_(ツ)_/Į
svmariane is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-04-2020, 13:57   #9205
Registered User
 
Eigenvector's Avatar

Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Mostly Texas
Boat: Lagoon 37 TPI
Posts: 391
Re: The New Joke Thread

旧歌翻拍


__________________
======================
Don't Tell My Mom I Work In the Oilfield,
She Thinks I'm a Piano Player in a Whorehouse.
Eigenvector is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 02-04-2020, 14:34   #9206
Registered User
 
AnglaisInHull's Avatar

Join Date: May 2015
Location: Sailing Lake Ontario
Boat: Mirage 35
Posts: 813
Re: The New Joke Thread

Somebody mentioned service dogs a few posts back ...
Attached Thumbnails
Click image for larger version

Name:	1FA5DF99-EC50-4B6F-BBE0-AB5B2E05069B.jpeg
Views:	169
Size:	168.0 KB
ID:	211881  
__________________
My boat is like me. People look, and say "... pretty good shape ... for its age ..."
AnglaisInHull is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-04-2020, 17:11   #9207
Registered User
 
Buzzman's Avatar

Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: New South Wales, Australia
Boat: Still building
Posts: 1,177
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by socaldmax View Post
Apparently, it was a pangolin, not a bat....
Buzzman is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 02-04-2020, 17:22   #9208
D&D
Marine Service Provider
 
D&D's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Blue Mountains, Australia
Boat: now skippering Syd Harbour charters
Posts: 1,542
Re: The New Joke Thread

Our stocks crashed, we get <1.0% on any fixed deposits and our Superannuation is stuffed. Fires and floods. And now a virus pandemic. The down-turn is hitting everybody really hard! Things couldnít be much worse judging by this:
1. In NY I saw a Mormon with only one wife.
2. Exxon-Mobil lays off 25 US Congressmen.
3. If the bank returns your cheque marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
4. McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
5. Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.
6. My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, so they re-possessed her
7. A truckload of Germans was caught sneaking into Syria.
8. A picture is now only worth 200 words.
9. The Treasure Island Casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.
And, finally :
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., that I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call centre in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

D&D is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-04-2020, 18:22   #9209
Registered User

Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 484
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by D&D View Post
Our stocks crashed, we get <1.0% on any fixed deposits and our Superannuation is stuffed. Fires and floods. And now a virus pandemic. The down-turn is hitting everybody really hard! Things couldnít be much worse judging by this:
1. In NY I saw a Mormon with only one wife.
2. Exxon-Mobil lays off 25 US Congressmen.
3. If the bank returns your cheque marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
4. McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
5. Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.
6. My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, so they re-possessed her
7. A truckload of Germans was caught sneaking into Syria.
8. A picture is now only worth 200 words.
9. The Treasure Island Casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.
And, finally :
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., that I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call centre in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

Thinking about a part time job. Did they send info on filling resume? can you forward it?
__________________
have fun-stay safe=stay home
smbdyiam2 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-04-2020, 19:53   #9210
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 5,943
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Buzzman View Post
Apparently, it was a pangolin, not a bat....

Close, but no cigar. The current theory is the source was a bat version of coronavirus.

Quote:
Not close enough
Three similar comparison studies were posted on bioRxiv last week. One of those papers ó by an international research group , posted on 18 February ó found2 that coronaviruses in frozen cell samples from illegally trafficked pangolins shared between 85.5% and 92.4% of their DNA with the virus found in humans.

Two other papers published on 20 February, from groups in China, also studied coronaviruses from smuggled pangolins. The viruses were 90.23%3 and 91.02%4 similar, respectively, to the virus that causes COVID-19.

The genetic similarity should be higher than reported in these studies before the host can be identified, says Arinjay Banerjee, who studies coronaviruses at McMaster University in Hamilton, Canada. He notes that the SARS virus shared 99.8% of its genome with a civet coronavirus, which is why civets were considered the source. If pangolins are the origin of the current outbreak, says Banerjee, it is not the pangolins in these studies.

Key differences
So far, the closest match to the human coronavirus has been found in a bat in Chinaís Yunnan province. A study5 published on 3 February found that the bat coronavirus shared 96% of its genetic material with the virus that causes COVID-19.
Also, the pangolin is not native to China, so the original country would have been the epicenter of the pandemic. Considering how contagious it is, it doesn't make sense that the smugglers didn't catch the virus, but somebody in the market in Wuhan did.


Let's just let the jokes be funny and not try to dissect them. Having to explain them, especially to correct someone, kinda detracts from the humor, doesn't it?
__________________

socaldmax is online now   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Advertise Here


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 18:41.


Google+
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Social Knowledge Networks
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

ShowCase vBulletin Plugins by Drive Thru Online, Inc.