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Old 29-03-2020, 10:22   #9061
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Re: The New Joke Thread

The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.

At the Baptist church the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.

The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist church. Two weeks later the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water-slide.

The Episcopalians tried a much more unique path by setting out pans of whiskey around their church in an effort to kill the squirrels with alcohol poisoning. They sadly learned how much damage a band of drunk squirrels can do.
But the Catholic church came up with a very creative strategy! They baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.

And not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven't seen a squirrel since.
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Old 29-03-2020, 15:18   #9062
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by OutOfControl View Post
The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.

At the Baptist church the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.

The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist church. Two weeks later the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water-slide.

The Episcopalians tried a much more unique path by setting out pans of whiskey around their church in an effort to kill the squirrels with alcohol poisoning. They sadly learned how much damage a band of drunk squirrels can do.
But the Catholic church came up with a very creative strategy! They baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.

And not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven't seen a squirrel since.
best one for a while...10/10 !
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Old 29-03-2020, 19:03   #9063
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Breaking News... Health departments are hiring couples married more than 7 years to educate people on social distancing.
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Old 30-03-2020, 01:47   #9064
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Breaking News... Health departments are hiring couples married more than 7 years to educate people on social distancing.
Well, this one is good...
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Old 30-03-2020, 03:57   #9065
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Re: The New Joke Thread

I'm giving up drinking for a month.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Sorry, messed up the punctuation.


I'm giving up! Drinking for a month.
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Old 30-03-2020, 04:06   #9066
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 30-03-2020, 04:45   #9067
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Re: The New Joke Thread

хорошая картинка
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Old 30-03-2020, 08:08   #9068
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Re: The New Joke Thread

This joke may have been posted, but in the current social distancing theme.


How does a Polish couple perform oral sex?


They stand on opposite sides of the room and yell F$#k You at each other.
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Old 30-03-2020, 09:51   #9069
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Is it necessary to wear rubber gloves to give the middle finger wave?
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Old 30-03-2020, 11:41   #9070
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Re: The New Joke Thread

... Click image for larger version

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Old 30-03-2020, 12:04   #9071
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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хорошая картинка
They have Tabasco sauce in Russia? Wow. Learn something new every day.
Wonder how well that goes with borscht...
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Old 30-03-2020, 12:55   #9072
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 30-03-2020, 13:16   #9073
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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...followed by rebuttals from Dave who makes YouTube videos.
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Old 30-03-2020, 13:53   #9074
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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...followed by rebuttals from Dave who makes YouTube videos.
But Dave has 3,000 followers, so that makes him an expert.
It must be true, Ive heard it here enough to be sure.
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Old 30-03-2020, 14:13   #9075
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Re: The New Joke Thread

There are 5 flies in a kitchen. Which one is the cowboy?

It's the one on the range.



This cowboy walks into a German car showroom,

And he says, "Audi!"
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