The New Joke Thread

[LakeSuperior]

I was given MDMA and LSD last night...

What a rotten way to start a game of Scrabble.

[LakeSuperior]

Just got an email from the CDC saying not to eat tinned pork as it may contain COVID-19.

Turns out it's just spam.

[LakeSuperior]

I couldn't find the thingy that peels the potatoes and the carrots, so I asked the kids...

Apparently she left me two days ago.

[Montanan]

Emergency Coronavirus Procedures To Instill Inner Peace:

[skipmac]

Want to find out who your real friends are?

Ask to borrow a roll of toilet paper.

[smbdyiam2]

My dad had a weather rock.
It was basically a pyramid with a rope down the center holding a small rock.
If it was covered with snow =snowing
if it was wet=raining
If it cast a shadow=sunny
If it was pushed to one side =windy
bouncing =earthquake
Thinking about one for boat ,but have not found any for sale.

[a64pilot]

Originally Posted by skipmac

Want to find out who your real friends are?

Ask to borrow a roll of toilet paper.

If I give you a roll, I can assure you that I don’t want it back.

[a64pilot]

Google weather rock for sale, you will find many.

[Tayana42]

Originally Posted by LakeSuperior

3.1415% of sailors are...



pi-rats.

I shared this with a friend and he immediately got back to me saying, “One of the pi-rats was knighted. He is now known as Sir Cumference... His ship just goes in circles.”

[svmariane]

Originally Posted by smbdyiam2

My dad had a weather rock.
It was basically a pyramid with a rope down the center holding a small rock.
If it was covered with snow =snowing
if it was wet=raining
If it cast a shadow=sunny
If it was pushed to one side =windy
bouncing =earthquake
Thinking about one for boat ,but have not found any for sale.

Recently sold our boat but decided to keep certain precious items. You know, like my Steiner binoculars (god, I love those), my wife's paper-navigation tools, the little hand-held wind direction/speed thingy, and of course our failsafe WXR instrumentation. AKA the weather rock. You still have a boat and as one sailor to another I'm willing to help. PM me and maybe we can work a deal. I'm willing to give away the weather rock for free but packaging, shipping, and handling might add up to roughly Euro 295.89. Plus any surcharge for disinfection prior to shipping due to this COVID-19 thingy. Let me know if you're interested!

[smbdyiam2]

Originally Posted by svmariane

Recently sold our boat but decided to keep certain precious items. You know, like my Steiner binoculars (god, I love those), my wife's paper-navigation tools, the little hand-held wind direction/speed thingy, and of course our failsafe WXR instrumentation. AKA the weather rock. You still have a boat and as one sailor to another I'm willing to help. PM me and maybe we can work a deal. I'm willing to give away the weather rock for free but packaging, shipping, and handling might add up to roughly Euro 295.89. Plus any surcharge for disinfection prior to shipping due to this COVID-19 thingy. Let me know if you're interested!

Thanks but as peevishly stated I needed to google it. I did and found 1 but they were sold out. dang
So I talked to neighbor and he is going to build me one. I thought real hard about costs and figured he works cheaper than me . I can't afford to pay my self because of the high wages I charge now. So he is working on it now , he is really good on technical stuff. said he should have it done in less than a year .
If he can find a good rock. He doesn't want to build out of just land fill type rock but the good stuff. said he was going to jewelers to look at some rocks. I will try to keep youall posted .

[svmariane]

Originally Posted by smbdyiam2

Thanks but as peevishly stated I needed to google it. I did and found 1 but they were sold out. dang
So I talked to neighbor..... (etc..)

Can't tell if you're deliberately toying with words, here in the Joke Thread. Peevishly vs previously? So.... Well played.

Anyway, it's wise that you chose to use a professional such as your neighbor who recognizes and understands the importance of using a quality rock. Many a ship ended on the rocks because the skipper used a low quality piece of sandstone as a wxr rock, only to find that it disintegrates in heavy rain and turbulent winds. Not all rocks are alike. Diamonds. I hear, are toughest of the lot. And don't forget the string quality! Amateur mistake, that. There's a recent thread on CF about proper UV thread for Sunbrella dodgers. That'll give you a starting point. Ya'get what ya pays for, right? Right. Pls keep us informed!

[skipmac]

Originally Posted by a64pilot

If I give you a roll, I can assure you that I don’t want it back.

If it's two ply you could use both sides.

[ArmyDaveNY]

Originally Posted by smbdyiam2

If he can find a good rock. He doesn't want to build out of just land fill type rock but the good stuff. said he was going to jewelers to look at some rocks. I will try to keep youall posted .

I know he said he would use the good stuff, but I wouldn't take it for granite. It would be Gneiss if he did a great job, for then you would be in like Flint. If he does a poor job, well, lets just say you might be in a big pile of Schist and then it will tough to wipe the Slate clean . I sense that you Shale exercise some caution on this.

[svmariane]

^^^ Okay. Winner. ^^^