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Old 26-03-2020, 13:16   #9001
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by belizesailor View Post
And thus the population of single moms!
perhaps but I don't see self isolation as more sex in singles. Maybe if it effects males more harshly than females, more widowed moms.
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Old 26-03-2020, 13:50   #9002
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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perhaps but I don't see self isolation as more sex in singles. Maybe if it effects males more harshly than females, more widowed moms.
I was thinking of the combination of increased pregnancies and divorce rate. Resulting in pregnancy followed by divorce.

There are also some indications that mortality rate may be higher in men.
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Old 26-03-2020, 13:51   #9003
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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different minds etc. I was not thinking about divorce as result of sickness. I was thinking more on number of widows and widowers.
Not divorce a result of sickness, but as a result of being quaranteed together!
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Old 26-03-2020, 14:24   #9004
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Most divorces result from separations, time apart. not time together
remember the great black out back when . east coast of USA birth rate went up . Crime went up never heard a word about divorces.
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Old 26-03-2020, 14:39   #9005
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Re: The New Joke Thread

The virus has nothing to do with divorce rates.

It's being forced to stay at home all day with each other that will lead to divorce.
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Old 26-03-2020, 15:16   #9006
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Back to the classics:

A farmer once called his cow "Zephyr";
She seemed such an amicable hephyr.
When the farmer drew near,
She kicked off his ear,
Which made him considerably dephyr.
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Old 26-03-2020, 15:48   #9007
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by socaldmax View Post
The virus has nothing to do with divorce rates.

It's being forced to stay at home all day with each other that will lead to divorce.
forced to stay together == sounds like divorce is on way whether virus or not. Wife and I always happier together than apart. Did the apart style driving truck. Did the close together when drove team . Trying to please each other is not bad for a marriage .
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Old 26-03-2020, 15:53   #9008
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Re: The New Joke Thread

The 12 Commandments of Growing Old

#1 - Talk to yourself, because there are times you need expert advice.
#2 - Consider "In Style" to be the clothes that still fit.
#3 - You don't need anger management. You need people to stop pissing you off.
#4 - Your people skills are just fine. It's your tolerance for idiots that needs work.
#5 - The biggest lie you tell yourself is, "I don't need to write that down. I'll remember it."
#6 - These days, "on time" is when you get there.
#7 - Even duct tape can't fix stupid - but it sure does muffle the sound.
#8 - Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes,
then come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller?
#9 - Lately, You've noticed people your age are so much older than you
#10 - You thought growing old would take longer.
#11 - Aging sure has slowed you down, but it hasn't shut you up.
#12 - You still haven't learned to act your age, and hope you never will.
And one more:
So you know you are growing old when "one for the road" means taking a pee before you leave the house.
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Old 26-03-2020, 16:13   #9009
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Germany is bragging about having far fewer Covid-19 cases than either Italy or Spain.

Well of course they do!

Have you ever seen a German video where they weren't all covered in Latex or wearing a ball gag? Even when they have an orgy, there's no actual way they could pass on a virus.
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Old 26-03-2020, 16:29   #9010
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Re: The New Joke Thread

There's a post here someplace about crew or mates. Possibly both. On that I have this thought.
Remember thatyou'll be taking on 17 people.
4 better
4 worse
4 richer
4 poorer
+ the new crew (or mate)
= 17, and on any given day you will not know which one you're dealing with.
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Old 26-03-2020, 19:27   #9011
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by D&D View Post
... So you know you are growing old when "one for the road" means taking a pee before you leave the house.
You know you're getting old when "a quick one before dinner"

.

.

.

is a drink!
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Old 26-03-2020, 20:41   #9012
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Re: The New Joke Thread

https://www.xkcd.com/2285/
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Old 26-03-2020, 22:04   #9013
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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If you use bleach instead of pet shampoo then close all the hatches, it could go in the COVID-19 thread for sanitizing the interior.
i did think of bleach, but decided it would be cruel to the cat...

cheers,
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Old 26-03-2020, 23:32   #9014
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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i did think of bleach, but decided it would be cruel to the cat...

cheers,
Well, you get 8 more uses before it expires. That’s what I hear, anyway. ��
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Old 27-03-2020, 00:12   #9015
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Re: The New Joke Thread

https://youtu.be/8KPbJ0-DxTc


Best listened to loud.........and through headphoes.
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