The New Joke Thread

[svmariane]

Originally Posted by delmarrey

No! But my discontent towards social media still stands.

Holiday weekend - so let's have a laugh, okay?

[MBWhite]

Reminded me of this one which still cracks me up.

[MBWhite]

Originally Posted by Adelie

I bought an atomic clock, accurate to 1 billionth of a second.

Took it out of the box. Darn thing was ALREADY a billionth of a second slow.

Called Tech Suppport. They said,"Stand Closer".

It worked!

[El Pinguino]

Originally Posted by svmariane

OMG !!! This is TOO good and true to believe!!! OMG !!

I need some help from all of you CF people - and even all of you lurkers who haven't actually joined CF. Yet. {By the way.... Why DON'T you join???}

Anyway - the point is this... Read, please....

According to Good Morning America, this is NOT A HOAX! Mark Zuckerberg has announced that he is giving away $45 billion of Facebook stock. What you may not have heard is that he plans to give 10 percent of it away to people like YOU and ME! All you have to do is copy and paste this message into a post IMMEDIATELY. At midnight PST, Facebook will search through the day’s posts and award 1,000 people with $4.5 million each as a way of saying thank you for making Facebook such a powerful vehicle for connection.

See the potential???? C'mon, folk! Join Facebook, copy & paste that para. You TOO could be a multi-millionaire!!!!.....

Zuckerberg reckons he will never post on Facebook again when shitfaced.. Zuckerberg regrets going on Facebook while drunk

[D&D]

One from the oldies bin...

Neighbours...

There is a huge house in our street. The extended family is run by an old woman with a pack of irritable dogs allowed to run without a leash. Her car doesn't even have a number plate, but the police do nothing. To the best of my knowledge, she has never had a regular job in her life and her bad-tempered husband is notorious for his racist comments. A shopkeeper blamed her for arranging the murder of her son's ex-wife and her boyfriend, but nothing has ever been proved. All their kids have broken marriages except the youngest, who everyone thinks is gay. Two grandsons are meant to be in the army but are always out partying in nightclubs. One of them got married and seems to be settling down but the second is out of control. It is even rumored they don’t have the same father.

I hate living near Buckingham Palace.

[goat]

Originally Posted by svmariane

Waaiiiit a minute......

You're not THIS goat, are you?????

Guilty. That's kind of a bad picture of me. Alphonso couldn't do a thing with my hair.

Sent from my SGH-I257M using Cruisers Sailing Forum mobile app

[Canibul]

Originally Posted by delmarrey

my discontent towards social media still stands.

I am with you 100% on that. No Facebook, no tweets. I did try LinkedIn for a very short time, but cancelled that after a week or so. Same garbage.

we're living in a world of gutless lemmings who not only let peer pressure run their lives, they actively seek it out.

[ontherocks83]

Originally Posted by Canibul

I am with you 100% on that. No Facebook, no tweets. I did try LinkedIn for a very short time, but cancelled that after a week or so. Same garbage.

we're living in a world of gutless lemmings who not only let peer pressure run their lives, they actively seek it out.

Same here. This forum is the closest thing to social media you will ever find me on. I can't stand the relentless nothingness and obvious desperate cries for attention posted on FB. Atleast here the relentless nothingness and cries for attention are about a topic that I am interested in

but to keep up with the joke theme's how about some jokes about Face book...

[ontherocks83]

a few more

[ontherocks83]

This might apply here too......but lets just pretend it doesn't

[Buzzman]

facebook can't be too bad, you can simply Unfriend anyone who disagrees with you, or those who continue to post banal "I'm off to bed now" or "I'm sitting on the bus" type comments.

Apparently you need a Certified Death Certificate to get your facebook page wiped.

I have resisted the twittersphere thus far....

[Buzzman]

However I have been guilty of starting a Secret Society for my nephews and their mates....

It's a long story but it all started one night when I was nephew-sitting while my bro and his then missus went out for dinner.

After one of the boys let fly with a bum burp, I gave them my version of Brad Pitt in Fight Club, but changed the wording slightly.

We then got a bit carried away making up rules for 'Fart Club'.

The explanation behind the psuedo-name is that, in our family at least, the bum burp has always been known as "the mating cry of the barking gecko".

I changed the spelling to protect the innocent....

[Buzzman]

Oh, and of course, the Sabot I restored for them was eventually named 'Gekko'....

...at their request.....

[Canibul]

at my house, it was a barking skunk....

[Buzzman]

LOL, yeah, we don't exactly have them on this side of the Pacific....