The New Joke Thread

[Eigenvector]

And √4 more

[carlosproa]

[socaldmax]

Attorney General William Barr announced to a room full of reporters and the nation that "If you're sitting on a warehouse full of medical supplies that you've been hoarding, you're gonna get a knock on the door."

Coincidentally, 5 minutes later Apple CEO announced that they were donating 9 MILLION face masks to hospitals nationwide. While everyone else was busy lauding Apple for their heroism, I'll just go right ahead and say it, "It was either donate the warehouse full of masks 4 months into the pandemic, or face prosecution by the DOJ for hoarding them.

My second thought was, since Apple doesn't produce anything in this country that requires a face mask and really has no need for healthcare face masks, the only logical reason I can think of for them possessing 9 MILLION face masks was to profit off of them. Right up until the AG got on the news and promised to throw people in jail over profiteering and hoarding.

Or maybe that's just my cynical view of one of the world's largest employers of underpaid young children.

[socaldmax]

I don't think this band is particularly talented, but I do think the young lady is worth watching. Enough so that I sure wish I had lived next door to her in the trailer park when she turned 18.

https://youtu.be/3XS17hIKVHE

[socaldmax]

Who doesn't love a talking dog?

https://youtu.be/nGeKSiCQkPw

[smbdyiam2]

I are getting so good at this anti social distasting that My wife hasn't talked to me for 2 days.

[socaldmax]

[Buzzman]

Originally Posted by smbdyiam2

I are getting so good at this anti social distasting that My wife hasn't talked to me for 2 days.

Your Freudian slip is showing....

[skipmac]

Stopped at the local West Marine on the way to the boat and saw they had implemented virus protocols.

Sign on the door said,

"While shopping all customers must maintain a safe distance from others. For the sailors that would be one fathom. For the power boaters that's two giant steps."

[chrisr]

things you can work out while in quarantine # 1

How to Clean The Boat Toilet :
1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.
2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.
4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and rinse.
6. Have someone open the companionway. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the companionway.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.
9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.

still working on idea # 2

cheers,

[socaldmax]

LOL!

Reminds me of my ex-wife, she thought the toilet had two seats!

[fxykty]

Fess up, your dog wrote that!

[GordMay]

[chrisr]

A koala is sitting up a gumtree smoking a joint when a
little lizard walks past and looks up and says "Hey Koala !
what are you doing?"
The koala says: "Smoking a joint, come up and have
some."
So the little lizard climbs up and sits next to the koala and
they have a few joints.
After a while the little lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is
going to get a drink from the river.
But the little lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over
and falls into the river.
A crocodile sees this and swims over to the little lizard
and helps him to the side, then asks the little lizard:
"What's the matter with you?"
The little lizard explains to the crocodile that he was
sitting smoking a joint with the koala in the tree, got too
stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.
The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into
the rain forest, finds the tree where the koala is sitting
finishing a joint, and he looks up and says "Hey you!"
So the koala looks down at him and says:
"Faaaaarrrrk dude.......how much water did you drink?!!"

cheers,

[Recy]

Originally Posted by chrisr

things you can work out while in quarantine # 1

How to Clean The Boat Toilet :
1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.
2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.
4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and rinse.
6. Have someone open the companionway. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the companionway.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.
9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.

still working on idea # 2

cheers,

Shouldn´t this be on the Pumbing/Fixtures forum?