Cruisers Forum
 


Join CruisersForum Today

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Rating: Thread Rating: 5 votes, 4.80 average. Display Modes
Old 21-03-2020, 17:25   #8911
Registered User
 
svmariane's Avatar

Join Date: May 2007
Location: On the hard due to wife's medical condition.
Boat: Sold, alas, because life happens.
Posts: 1,832
Re: The New Joke Thread

Sign posted in the pub:

To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket...
You can hide but you can't run.


Stuff overheard in passing:

Everytime you access facebook a science book dies.

Whenever I go running I meet new people. Usually paramedics.

My grandpa once said that my generation relies too much on technology. I replied that no, HIS generation relied too much on technology. Then I proceeded to pull the plug on his life support equipment.



How social media has evolved:

Guy: hello 911. I'm dying.
911: let me see.
Guy: what?
911: what meme are you looking at?
Guy: no, I'm literally dying.
911: lmao. tag me
Attached Thumbnails
Click image for larger version

Name:	yellow-octopus.jpg
Views:	209
Size:	42.7 KB
ID:	211009  
__________________

__________________
"Being offended is not the same thing as being right." Dave Barry.
Laughter is the salve that keeps reality from scaring.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
svmariane is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 21-03-2020, 17:29   #8912
Registered User
 
svmariane's Avatar

Join Date: May 2007
Location: On the hard due to wife's medical condition.
Boat: Sold, alas, because life happens.
Posts: 1,832
Re: The New Joke Thread

In trying times we must endevor to maintain perspective,
to take care of our personal psyche. I recommend a
Attached Thumbnails
Click image for larger version

Name:	coffee.jpg
Views:	164
Size:	103.7 KB
ID:	211010  
__________________

__________________
"Being offended is not the same thing as being right." Dave Barry.
Laughter is the salve that keeps reality from scaring.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
svmariane is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 21-03-2020, 17:35   #8913
Registered User

Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 484
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by socaldmax View Post
Shouldn't we wait until after the pandemic to fill out the census?
it is dated for April 1 April fools day. Just like most statistics a joke. Well maybe not it is from government. Or still is?
__________________
have fun-stay safe=stay home
smbdyiam2 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 21-03-2020, 17:55   #8914
Registered User
 
CaptTom's Avatar

Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Southern Maine
Boat: Prairie 36 Coastal Cruiser
Posts: 1,928
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by svmariane View Post
Sign posted in the pub:

To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket...
You can hide but you can't run.
My cousin was working on genealogy. She was having a hard time tracking down some long-dead ancestors from several generations back.

She used the same punch line: "They can hide, but they can't run."
CaptTom is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 21-03-2020, 17:57   #8915
Registered User
 
svmariane's Avatar

Join Date: May 2007
Location: On the hard due to wife's medical condition.
Boat: Sold, alas, because life happens.
Posts: 1,832
Re: The New Joke Thread

About the 2016 census, but still...
Attached Thumbnails
Click image for larger version

Name:	Unintended Consequences.jpg
Views:	228
Size:	169.5 KB
ID:	211013  
__________________
"Being offended is not the same thing as being right." Dave Barry.
Laughter is the salve that keeps reality from scaring.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
svmariane is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 21-03-2020, 18:04   #8916
Registered User
 
svmariane's Avatar

Join Date: May 2007
Location: On the hard due to wife's medical condition.
Boat: Sold, alas, because life happens.
Posts: 1,832
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by socaldmax View Post
Shouldn't we wait until after the pandemic to fill out the census?
Nah... To function properly the government needs accurate information about the populace.
Attached Thumbnails
Click image for larger version

Name:	census.jpg
Views:	228
Size:	46.6 KB
ID:	211015  
__________________
"Being offended is not the same thing as being right." Dave Barry.
Laughter is the salve that keeps reality from scaring.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
svmariane is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 21-03-2020, 18:23   #8917
Registered User
 
svmariane's Avatar

Join Date: May 2007
Location: On the hard due to wife's medical condition.
Boat: Sold, alas, because life happens.
Posts: 1,832
Re: The New Joke Thread

Speaking of genealogy (We WERE speaking of that, no?) here's something to go with the wine and cheese.

01 “My ancestors are so hard to find, they must have been in a witness protection program!”

02 Eventually, all genealogists come to their census.

03 Genealogists: The only people who are excited to read obituaries.

04 “Done! Everything in the family tree has been found and is completely organized” — said no genealogist. Ever.

05 Genealogist: Disturbs the dead and irritates the living.

06 Genealogy is like playing hide and seek: They hide… we seek!

07 “I’m not stuck, I’m ancestrally challenged.”

08 Gene-Allergy: It’s a contagious disease, but we love it.

09 Genealogy: Where the answer to one problem leads to two more!

0A “My husband calls cemeteries ancestor farms.”

0B “I’m more interested in what happened in 1820, than what’s happening today in 2020”.

0C Wife to husband: “Never mind the children, do you know where your second great-grandparents are tonight?”

0D Only a genealogist views a step backwards as progress.

0E “I used to have a lot of free time… then I discovered genealogy.”

0F “I collect dead relatives!”

10 “My ancestors did WHAT?”

11 A pack rat is hard to live with, but makes a mighty fine ancestor.

12 “I want to find ALL of them! So far I only have a few thousand.”

13 “I think my ancestors had several “bad heir” days.”
__________________
"Being offended is not the same thing as being right." Dave Barry.
Laughter is the salve that keeps reality from scaring.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
svmariane is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 21-03-2020, 18:31   #8918
Registered User
 
svmariane's Avatar

Join Date: May 2007
Location: On the hard due to wife's medical condition.
Boat: Sold, alas, because life happens.
Posts: 1,832
Re: The New Joke Thread

About that wine and cheese.... This CV-19 really hit Italy hard, sad to say. One of the knock-on effects might be a delayed or limited vinyard harvest with minimal wine production. Good lord, maybe even none except for local use!

Speaking of, have you recently noticed the growing number of stumbling amateurs producing home Whines by harvesting Gripes? No?



Too soon?
__________________
"Being offended is not the same thing as being right." Dave Barry.
Laughter is the salve that keeps reality from scaring.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
svmariane is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 21-03-2020, 20:36   #8919
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 5,943
Re: The New Joke Thread

socaldmax is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 21-03-2020, 21:13   #8920
Registered User
 
svmariane's Avatar

Join Date: May 2007
Location: On the hard due to wife's medical condition.
Boat: Sold, alas, because life happens.
Posts: 1,832
Re: The New Joke Thread

Diving deeper through the depths of the internet in search for the unusual we find ourselves surfacing with this throwback to the glorious days of The Western. But... Suppose that the bad guys are guys and the good guys are women; suppose the weapon of choice for the antagonist is guitar whilst for the protagonist 'tis the violin. Now maybe, just maybe, that bank robbery might go something like this


Edit: Oh, yeah. About the choreography? Even the horses are in step with the music, come the end. Gotta notice the little things when in social distancing mode.

edit the edit: Damn it!! I SAW you roll your eyes! Behave yourself. Damn whippersnapper...
__________________
"Being offended is not the same thing as being right." Dave Barry.
Laughter is the salve that keeps reality from scaring.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
svmariane is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 21-03-2020, 22:52   #8921
Registered User
 
svmariane's Avatar

Join Date: May 2007
Location: On the hard due to wife's medical condition.
Boat: Sold, alas, because life happens.
Posts: 1,832
Re: The New Joke Thread

All this self-isolation and social distancing is allowing people time to give their inventive instincts free rein. Example: A guy invented an instrument that was a cross between an accordion and a bagpipe.

He was immediately shot.
__________________
"Being offended is not the same thing as being right." Dave Barry.
Laughter is the salve that keeps reality from scaring.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
svmariane is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 22-03-2020, 01:46   #8922
CF Adviser
 
Pelagic's Avatar

Join Date: Oct 2007
Boat: Van Helleman Schooner 65ft StarGazer
Posts: 9,053
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by svmariane View Post
All this self-isolation and social distancing is allowing people time to give their inventive instincts free rein. Example: A guy invented an instrument that was a cross between an accordion and a bagpipe.

He was immediately shot.
Lol......did they call it s PolkaJig?

Definitely capital punishment worthy!
Pelagic is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 22-03-2020, 08:50   #8923
Senior Cruiser
 
GordMay's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Thunder Bay, Ontario - 48-29N x 89-20W
Boat: (Cruiser Living On Dirt)
Posts: 38,198
Images: 241
Re: The New Joke Thread

__________________
Gord May
"If you didn't have the time or money to do it right in the first place, when will you get the time/$ to fix it?"



GordMay is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 22-03-2020, 10:16   #8924
Registered User

Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 3,257
Re: The New Joke Thread

Pun time, for fun time.
Attached Thumbnails
Click image for larger version

Name:	pure bread dog.jpg
Views:	204
Size:	124.4 KB
ID:	211036  
Montanan is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 22-03-2020, 10:17   #8925
Registered User

Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 3,257
Re: The New Joke Thread

TP Harvesting, because TP doesn't grow on trees.
Attached Thumbnails
Click image for larger version

Name:	tpharvest.jpg
Views:	528
Size:	152.1 KB
ID:	211039  
__________________

Montanan is online now   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Advertise Here


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 18:06.


Google+
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Social Knowledge Networks
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

ShowCase vBulletin Plugins by Drive Thru Online, Inc.