A glimpse of married life (and hoping I haven't posted this already!?
The missus isn't talking to me. She said I ruined her birthday. I'm not sure how...
I didn't even know it was her birthday!
After too many beers, my mate asked if he could crash out on my sofa.
I had to explain to him that I'm married now, so that's where I sleep.
The missus said she's leaving me because I invade her privacy too often.
At least that's what it says in her diary.
As me and the missus headed off on a romantic holiday, we talked about
what kinky things we'd like to do to each other.
She said, "I've always wanted to be handcuffed."
So I planted a kilo of cocaine in her suitcase.
Woman to husband: "Let's go out and have some fun tonight!”
Husband: "Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hall light on."
My mate is thinking about asking his ex-missus to re-marry him, but he's
worried she’ll think he is just after her for his money
Two guys in a health
club, one is putting on a pair of women’s lace knickers.
1st guy: "Since when do you wear women's underwear?"
2nd guy: "Since the missus found ‘em in the glove box."
My missus left me for another bloke. All that lies ahead now is a miserable,
pointless life, with suicide seemingly the only way out.
And while the poor bastard's going through all that, I'll be down at the pub
with my mates every night!
My missus left a note on the fridge: "It's not working. I can't take it anymore,
I'm going to live with my mum."
I opened the fridge door, the light came on, the beer
was cold. What the
hell is she on about?"
My missus said I need to be more in touch with my feminine side, so I
crashed the car, burnt the dinner and ignored her all day … for no reason!