Cruisers Forum
 


Join CruisersForum Today

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Rating: Thread Rating: 5 votes, 4.80 average. Display Modes
Old 26-01-2020, 13:06   #8371
Registered User
 
svmariane's Avatar

Join Date: May 2007
Location: On the hard due to wife's medical condition.
Boat: Sold, alas, because life happens.
Posts: 1,832
Re: The New Joke Thread

How do you treat Corona Virus?
Attached Thumbnails
Click image for larger version

Name:	Corona Beer.jpg
Views:	171
Size:	6.1 KB
ID:	207610  
__________________

__________________
"Being offended is not the same thing as being right." Dave Barry.
Laughter is the salve that keeps reality from scaring.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
svmariane is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26-01-2020, 17:27   #8372
Registered User
 
OutOfControl's Avatar

Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Fernandina Beach, FL
Boat: Key West 2020 CC
Posts: 250
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by a64pilot View Post
A few of us aren’t so sure it’s female.
Actually, she/he/they has an account on reddit under scottyjoe246.
NSFW pics will show a similar tattoo on her arm.
Warning must be 18 to enter site.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ScotlandDinsmore/
__________________

__________________
OutOfControl
OutOfControl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26-01-2020, 17:39   #8373
Registered User
 
svmariane's Avatar

Join Date: May 2007
Location: On the hard due to wife's medical condition.
Boat: Sold, alas, because life happens.
Posts: 1,832
Re: The New Joke Thread

My New Year's Resolution was to get into better physical shape.

One month update:

Went to Doctor for physical exam and permission to start exercising. Was told okay, can begin exercise program - BUT start off easy, don't try and undo 20 years of nothing with 20 days of hyper activety.

Program going well, so far. Well, sort of.

Following Doctor's orders to start slow. Am now doing one situp per day.
In the morn I get out of the bunk - that's the first half.
At night I do part two and lay down.

Will reach two per day when I start taking an afternoon nap.

Normally use my left hand when drinking from my beer stein. Decided to alternate hands so both sets of arm muscles would have balanced development. Seem to have doubled my beer consumption but that's okay - those six-pack abs won't develop on their own.

Started to buy only one six-pack of beer when I go to the store. Wife says that doesn''t count because I now go to the store twice a day. I said well, that means I'm doubling my daily walking excursions. Wife says that doesn't count cause I take a taxi home on both trips.

When visiting my wife at hospital I eschew the elevator and take the stairs. Wife says it doesn't count since her room is on the ground floor.

My wife tells me each time I visit to stop worrying, that she'll be alright. But apparently worry can cause weight loss. Not sure if I should tell her she's undermining my weight-loss program.

Fitness guru at the gym said she wanted to check my wristband physical monitor thingy every two days so she could track my progress. Yesterday she complimented me on how many klicks I was accumulating.

BTW - I figured out by putting that thingy on our dog's tail that she tail-wags at the rate of 6.2 kilometers per day. Just in case you're curious about those sort of things.
.
Attached Images
  
__________________
"Being offended is not the same thing as being right." Dave Barry.
Laughter is the salve that keeps reality from scaring.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
svmariane is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26-01-2020, 17:59   #8374
Registered User
 
svmariane's Avatar

Join Date: May 2007
Location: On the hard due to wife's medical condition.
Boat: Sold, alas, because life happens.
Posts: 1,832
Re: The New Joke Thread

At the fitness club. What I see vs what they see.
Attached Thumbnails
Click image for larger version

Name:	What I see.jpg
Views:	168
Size:	8.1 KB
ID:	207618   Click image for larger version

Name:	What they see.jpg
Views:	170
Size:	98.2 KB
ID:	207619  

__________________
"Being offended is not the same thing as being right." Dave Barry.
Laughter is the salve that keeps reality from scaring.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
svmariane is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26-01-2020, 18:20   #8375
Registered User
 
svmariane's Avatar

Join Date: May 2007
Location: On the hard due to wife's medical condition.
Boat: Sold, alas, because life happens.
Posts: 1,832
Re: The New Joke Thread

The doctor at my physical eval.
Attached Thumbnails
Click image for larger version

Name:	My Doctor.jpg
Views:	168
Size:	26.3 KB
ID:	207625  
__________________
"Being offended is not the same thing as being right." Dave Barry.
Laughter is the salve that keeps reality from scaring.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
svmariane is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26-01-2020, 20:33   #8376
Registered User
 
jibstay's Avatar

Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 314
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by socaldmax View Post
You've got an interesting definition of politics.



Care to explain?


The current US President is a narcissist.
jibstay is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26-01-2020, 20:37   #8377
Registered User

Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: New York, New York
Boat: Dufour Safari 27'
Posts: 1,425
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by jibstay View Post
The current US President is a narcissist.
Most Presidents were narcissists. This is unimportant though as this is a joke thread, not a political discussion thread.
ArmyDaveNY is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26-01-2020, 20:46   #8378
Registered User
 
jibstay's Avatar

Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 314
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by ArmyDaveNY View Post
Most Presidents were narcissists. This is unimportant though as this is a joke thread, not a political discussion thread.


There was a joke about narcissists and I made a joke, saying it was political humor. Then I was asked to explain my joke.
jibstay is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26-01-2020, 20:59   #8379
Registered User
 
chrisr's Avatar

Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: Australia
Boat: Tasman 40' catamaran
Posts: 482
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by svmariane View Post
My New Year's Resolution was to get into better physical shape.

One month update:

Went to Doctor for physical exam and permission to start exercising. Was told okay, can begin exercise program - BUT start off easy, don't try and undo 20 years of nothing with 20 days of hyper activety.

Program going well, so far. Well, sort of.

Following Doctor's orders to start slow. Am now doing one situp per day.
In the morn I get out of the bunk - that's the first half.
At night I do part two and lay down.

Will reach two per day when I start taking an afternoon nap.

Normally use my left hand when drinking from my beer stein. Decided to alternate hands so both sets of arm muscles would have balanced development. Seem to have doubled my beer consumption but that's okay - those six-pack abs won't develop on their own.

Started to buy only one six-pack of beer when I go to the store. Wife says that doesn''t count because I now go to the store twice a day. I said well, that means I'm doubling my daily walking excursions. Wife says that doesn't count cause I take a taxi home on both trips.

When visiting my wife at hospital I eschew the elevator and take the stairs. Wife says it doesn't count since her room is on the ground floor.

My wife tells me each time I visit to stop worrying, that she'll be alright. But apparently worry can cause weight loss. Not sure if I should tell her she's undermining my weight-loss program.

Fitness guru at the gym said she wanted to check my wristband physical monitor thingy every two days so she could track my progress. Yesterday she complimented me on how many klicks I was accumulating.

BTW - I figured out by putting that thingy on our dog's tail that she tail-wags at the rate of 6.2 kilometers per day. Just in case you're curious about those sort of things.
.
i believe i'm in good shape...round is a shape isn't it ?

cheers,
chrisr is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26-01-2020, 21:10   #8380
Registered User

Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: New York, New York
Boat: Dufour Safari 27'
Posts: 1,425
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by jibstay View Post
There was a joke about narcissists and I made a joke, saying it was political humor. Then I was asked to explain my joke.
My apologies. I didn't read the entire thread regarding that comment. Again, I apologize.

In that spirit, What is a narcissist's idea of equality?
Being equally bossy to everyone else
ArmyDaveNY is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27-01-2020, 05:23   #8381
Registered User
 
ben2go's Avatar

Join Date: Apr 2019
Location: Upstate, SC USA
Boat: 45' Teign Luxe Motor
Posts: 143
Re: The New Joke Thread

I was going to be a massage therapist but everyone says I rub them the wrong way.
__________________
Go with Flo. She's Progressive.
ben2go is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27-01-2020, 06:04   #8382
Registered User
 
jibstay's Avatar

Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 314
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by ArmyDaveNY View Post
My apologies. I didn't read the entire thread regarding that comment. Again, I apologize.

In that spirit, What is a narcissist's idea of equality?
Being equally bossy to everyone else


No worries.

By the way, did you know there are no canaries in the Canary Islands?

It’s true.

Same thing for the Virgin Islands.





No canaries there either.
jibstay is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27-01-2020, 08:03   #8383
Registered User
 
LakeSuperior's Avatar

Join Date: Jan 2008
Boat: Teak Yawl, 37'
Posts: 2,459
Images: 7
Re: The New Joke Thread

My brother’s wife has been pregnant for five months and decided that they wanted to reveal the gender of the baby at our family reunion of about 40 people.

One night, after just finishing up a BBQ, my brother and his wife stand up and announce to the family that they are going to have a little baby girl.

Everyone starts cheering, naturally. Once the cheers die down a little I shout out, “Do you have a name for the baby yet?

”My brother replies, “Yeah. Liana Noelle. ”Everyone starts to “Ooohhh” and “Ahhhh” and proclaim how pretty of a name it is.

Then after a moment I shout, “How the hell are you supposed to spell Liana with no L?”
LakeSuperior is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27-01-2020, 08:04   #8384
Registered User
 
LakeSuperior's Avatar

Join Date: Jan 2008
Boat: Teak Yawl, 37'
Posts: 2,459
Images: 7
Re: The New Joke Thread

I always prayed before my electronics tests..

I was hoping for a sine from above
LakeSuperior is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27-01-2020, 15:00   #8385
Registered User
 
Reefmagnet's Avatar

Join Date: May 2008
Location: puɐןsuǝǝnb 'ʎɐʞɔɐɯ
Boat: Nantucket Island 33
Posts: 3,997
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by LakeSuperior View Post
I always prayed before my electronics tests..

I was hoping for a sine from above
... Cos you knew they're gunna be tough ones?
__________________

Reefmagnet is online now   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Advertise Here


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 17:16.


Google+
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Social Knowledge Networks
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

ShowCase vBulletin Plugins by Drive Thru Online, Inc.