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Old 15-12-2019, 16:13   #7726
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by socaldmax View Post
Why does it sound apocryphal? In my experience, the truth is often far stranger than anything I could dream up.

His name is Brian Scura. The owner of GT bicycles (they were popular 20-30 yrs ago) and several other bike companies, current owner of SST, also the inventor of the Odyssey Gyro, which allows the brake cables to pull on the brakes of a BMX or freestyle bike while also allowing the rider to spin the handlebars 360* or more. He made $1 commission per unit, they sold millions worldwide. He also invented a few other things, but he was too modest to tell me about them, even though we talked every night by a campfire in the desert for at least 100 days over a 2 yr period. Most of the conversations were kind of Zen like, he was extremely well read and could quote entire passages from famous books on business, influencing people, etc.



Even stranger, I'm good friends with Don Parscale, the former owner of Ultramax BMX cranks and former business competitor in the bike business. We ended up talking about Brian and he remembered having a heated argument with him at a bike convention about the proper Rockwell hardness for chromolly bicycle cranks. We all camped together in the desert, they resumed their argument from 20 yrs before and realized they now agreed on the same number.

Even stranger than that, my chassis fabricator, Dustin Dumas, of AG Sandcars, was building a custom travel trailer for a freestyle rider friend of his who turned out to be the first professional bike rider that Brian hired. When I took Brian to meet Dustin for lunch, the rider was there and it turned out they all knew each other and it became a big unplanned reunion. Dustin was very impressed with Brian, apparently he followed Brian's BMX team when he was a kid. It was the BMX rider (I don't recall his name) who told me about a couple of other inventions Brian had that he never mentioned.

Even though I was never involved in the bike industry, it's apparently a small world and I accidentally met quite a few of them, including Don's son, who was the first rider on the Ultramax BMX team.
I still own a GT Outpost Trail cross country mountain bike from 1998 before they sold out to the Chinese. My 1987 Mongoose Decade Pro freestyle bike has an Odyssey Gyro and it was a game changer for us freestyle guys in the 80's and early 90's. I still have my Mongoose but the original fiberglass Skyway five spoke wheels were trashed years ago.
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Old 15-12-2019, 17:34   #7727
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Odyssey gyro, sure looks a lot like a swashplate
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Old 15-12-2019, 18:31   #7728
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Re: The New Joke Thread

I know that a lot of you folk are into this whole bicycle thing, but I like milk in my coffee and my wife doesn't. So to reduce wastage I take most of a carton of milk and freeze up a bunch of small ice cubes just to use in my morning coffee.

This thread doesn't have a theme, does it?
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Old 15-12-2019, 18:54   #7729
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by svmariane View Post
.

This thread doesn't have a theme, does it?
Lol...sure the Theme is 'amusement' which I expect guests don't have when they drop two of those cubes into a 25 year old single malt scotch.
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Old 15-12-2019, 20:14   #7730
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Lol...sure the Theme is 'amusement' which I expect guests don't have when they drop two of those cubes into a 25 year old single malt scotch.
Assumptions are a big part of comedy, hence the impact of an unexpected twist for a punchline. But c'mon.... You're assuming that
1) I'd have guests come aboard
2) I'd offer them a drink of anything
3) let alone a 25 year old single malt scotch
4) as if my wife would even allow me to acquire a 25 year old scotch
5) (even if the Scotch lassie promised to keep the below decks tidy, do the laundry and grocery shopping)
6) and anyway putting ice into a decent scotch simply ruins any aromatic enjoyment that should accompany the smokey flavor.
7) It's called a brandy snifter for a reason, you know. Wait... my bad; belay my last.


In fact- ignore this entire post. These aren't the jokes we're looking for. Move along. Move along.

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Old 15-12-2019, 20:41   #7731
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Re: The New Joke Thread

I guess I'm just a wimpy Scotsman but when drinking my favorite peaty single malts like Lagavulin or Bruichladdich, I need 2 cubes of ice
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Old 15-12-2019, 20:56   #7732
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Ardbeg. Neat please.
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Old 15-12-2019, 21:15   #7733
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quick search found this BBC - Travel - Why you should never drink whisky on the rocks


Not only is it from the BBC, it's on the internet so it must be true.... right?
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Old 15-12-2019, 21:25   #7734
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Re: The New Joke Thread

On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee whereupon the parrot squawks, "And get me a whisky, you cow!"

The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot and forgets the coffee. While this omission is pointed out to her, the parrot drains its glass and bawls "And get me another whisky you bitch!"

Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another whisky but still no coffee. Unaccustomed to such slackness the man tries the parrot's approach. "I've asked you twice for a coffee! Go and get it now or I'll kick your ass!"

The next moment both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards. Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says, "For someone who can't fly, you're a ballsy bastard!"
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Old 15-12-2019, 21:31   #7735
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Re: The New Joke Thread

A Scotsman is sitting in a bar in Cuba enjoying a dram, when he sees a man with a large black beard walk in. The man goes to the bar and orders a shot of whisky. The bartender serves him, the man drinks the whisky then starts walking to the door.The bartender says, "Hey aren't you going to pay for that?" The man says, "Excuse me, Castro's Army." The bartender says, "Alright then," and the man leaves.

A few minutes later another man with a large black beard walks in. The man goes to the bar and orders a shot of whisky. The bartender serves him, the man drinks the whisky then starts walking out the door. The bartender says, "Hey aren't you going to pay for that?" The man says, "Excuse me, Castro's Army." The bartender says "Alright then," and the man leaves.

The Scotsman gets an idea and walks up to the bar and orders another shot of whisky. He drinks it, then heads for the door. The bartender says, "Hey aren't you going to pay for that?" The Scotsman replies, "Excuse me, Castro's Army." The bartender looks angry and says, "Hey, where is your big black beard?"

The Scotsman thinks quickly, leans over the bar and says, "Shhh, Secret Service!"
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Old 15-12-2019, 21:48   #7736
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Yeah, yeah... you've heard this one before BUT maybe not some of our newer members.

A professor stood with his class with a selection of items in front of him. When the lecture began, he took a very large glass, filled it up with large stones, approx. 5 cm wide. He asked the students: "Is the glass filled up now?" Everyone agreed that it was.

The Professor took some very small stones, and gently added them into the glass while he shook it very carefully, causing the smaller stones to go in between the larger stones. Then he asked once more: "Is the glass filled up now?" Everyone agreed that it was filled up.

The professor then placed a bag with sand on the table and the students laughed, of course the professor could add sand between the stones, and he filled it to the top.

"Now!" said the professor "Please imagine that this glass is your life!"
The large stones are the meaningful things in your life, family, girlfriend's, etc. kids, your health etc. things that are important so no matter what else they will always be a part of your life. The small stones are stuff not that important , like your job, house, car and the sand is everything else.

"Please notice! If the glass is full of sand there will be no room for small and large stones. It's the same in life, if you use your time and energy on small stuff there will be no room for important and meaningful stuff.
Always focus on which things there is important for you, and your life will be great and happy.

"Fill up your life with large stones that really matters and are important. Check and arrange your large rocks and stones and keep in mind that the rest is only smaller stones and sand."

The Professor now looks over the students and takes a glass of whisky, and carefully pours all the whisky between the sand, smaller and larger stones / rocks. He lifts his head up and says :

"And remember ! No matter how many rocks, stones or sand in your glass of life there will always be room for whisky !"
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Old 16-12-2019, 00:05   #7737
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Re: The New Joke Thread

while we are talking about scotch, i use to know well some chaps who had a shipping co in Australia. 3 of their ships were named "Dallas Dhu" "TamDhu" and "CarDhu".

There was some of each in the boardroom, which we use to enjoy at the appropriate times...although i cannot recall if with or without ice

serious scotch drinkers when you name a us$14mill ship after your favourite scotch...

cheers,

ps I'm a rum man myself
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Old 16-12-2019, 04:57   #7738
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Re: The New Joke Thread

My favorite Andy Capp cartoon was him looking down at a wee dram of 20 yr scotch in his hand and telling his host
"Its a bit small for its age"

Wish I could find it. Click image for larger version

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Old 16-12-2019, 05:05   #7739
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by svmariane View Post
Quick search found this BBC - Travel - Why you should never drink whisky on the rocks


Not only is it from the BBC, it's on the internet so it must be true.... right?
I got a note from my doctor telling me its ok to put ice in my whiskey in the tropics.
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Old 16-12-2019, 07:42   #7740
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pelagic View Post
My favorite Andy Capp cartoon was him looking down at a wee dram of 20 yr scotch in his hand and telling his host
"Its a bit small for its age"
Wish I could find it. Attachment 205174




More ➥ https://archive.cartoons.ac.uk/Recor...B%2FBCA%2F2535
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