The New Joke Thread

[socaldmax]

[Dave_S]

Three men die on Xmas eve, before they are let through the gate, the gate keeper says"before you pass you must show me something that represents Xmas". The first one pulls out a lighter and says it represents a candle, he is allowed past. The second rattles his keys and says it is sleigh bells and is allowed in. The third pulls out a G string and bra, the gate keeper says "how the **** does that represent Xmas", the third man says "they are Carols"

[chrisr]

How many yoties does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, because the right size bulb isn’t on board, the local marine-supply store doesn’t carry that brand, and the mail-order house has them on back-order.

cheers,

[delmarrey]

Originally Posted by chrisr

How many yoties does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, because the right size bulb isn’t on board, the local marine-supply store doesn’t carry that brand, and the mail-order house has them on back-order.

cheers,

That’s very similar to the hardware stores here in the Philippines.

They all carry a certain size of fasteners (#4 thru 10)

They all carry a certain type of fasteners ( metal screws or small metric bolts)

They all carry a certain quality of fasteners (some Chinese crap that twists off it too tight)

They all carry a certain brand of fasteners (most in packages of odd # amounts)


So, if you are looking for a certain fastener other then one above you have to drive across a horde of chaotic traffic to buy 1-2 stinking fasteners.

[svmariane]

In Samoa, went into this hardware store looking for "thing". Guy at the counter says they don't stock "thing" anymore. See, a lot of people wanted "thing" and the store had trouble keeping enough "thing"s on hand to stock the shelf. So they stopped ordering "thing". Too much trouble. I almost have to admire the zen-like sensibility of that.

[StuM]

Reminds me of the (I think) Richard Gordon story about being a sale rep for pharmaceuticals while a med student.



For a week or two before calling on a chemist shop (pharmacy in the US) he would have several of his student mates go and ask for whatever it was he was trying to sell.

[delmarrey]

Originally Posted by svmariane

In Samoa, went into this hardware store looking for "thing". Guy at the counter says they don't stock "thing" anymore. See, a lot of people wanted "thing" and the store had trouble keeping enough "thing"s on hand to stock the shelf. So they stopped ordering "thing". Too much trouble. I almost have to admire the zen-like sensibility of that.

Pretty much the same in P.I. They always seem to be out of stock on stuff that is in high demand.
If they wanted to make money why not overstock on high volume items.

The other thing that is funny is in the mall departments there are more employees then customers. Except around Christmas. And very few employees know anything about their products.

Then the mall is so crowded and loud you can’t even talk to the person your with, without shouting.

[Dave_S]

Originally Posted by Dave_S

Three men die on Xmas eve, before they are let through the gate, the gate keeper says"before you pass you must show me something that represents Xmas". The first one pulls out a lighter and says it represents a candle, he is allowed past. The second rattles his keys and says it is sleigh bells and is allowed in. The third pulls out a G string and bra, the gate keeper says "how the **** does that represent Xmas", the third man says "they are Carols"

Geeeeze tough room, that was funny,

[StuM]

Originally Posted by Dave_S

Geeeeze tough room, that was funny,

Reminds me of the one about the prisoners calling out numbers.
"It's the way you tell 'em"

[GordMay]

10 Best Places To Raise A Family
➥ https://www.theonion.com/10-best-pla...ily-1840368683

[ben2go]

Originally Posted by GordMay

10 Best Places To Raise A Family
➥ https://www.theonion.com/10-best-pla...ily-1840368683

Now that's a joke.

[socaldmax]

Originally Posted by StuM

Reminds me of the (I think) Richard Gordon story about being a sale rep for pharmaceuticals while a med student.



For a week or two before calling on a chemist shop (pharmacy in the US) he would have several of his student mates go and ask for whatever it was he was trying to sell.

That reminds me of a genius entrepreneur/millionaire/bicycle mogul who started out penniless. He went to a print shop and swapped a day's worth of labor for 4 printed cardboard displays showing off a small gizmo he had invented. He then went to a machine shop and traded a day's labor to get 4 of these gizmos made up.

Then he went to a huge bike convention and asked the 4 top distributors to display his gizmo on their tables. After the first day of the convention, his phone blew up from all of the other distributors who wanted to order thousands of these "exclusive" gizmos that were apparently too hot for them to be allowed to carry. They placed tens of thousands of initial orders and he went back to the machinist and showed him the orders, signing a contract giving him exclusive mfg rights and getting the first batch done on credit, payable as soon as he got paid for the delivered gizmos.

He said it was simply creating a demand by feigning exclusivity, the idea he borrowed from the sunglass industry, which charges a pretty penny for $1 worth of plastic. He just did it without the million $ ad campaigns.

[GordMay]

Originally Posted by socaldmax

That reminds me of a genius entrepreneur/millionaire/bicycle mogul ...

Who would that have been?
Sounds apocryphal, to me.

[svmariane]

"That reminds me of what happened" earlier today. See, I don't disallow those adds that appear on the right of the screen - figure it helps keep the website operational. (But that's a whole other TED Talk.)

What I want to mention is that this advert appeared for Oriental Scandium, a company that apparently mfrs and distribs Scandium Oxide. So, curious, I turned to google. There it was. Now, what on god's green earth about my search history (prior to that moment) gave some algorithm the concept that I'm even remotely interested about something used in mercury vapor lamps that in turn are used to replicate sunlight? I'm no eccentric scientist trying to devise a method to offset some Norther Norwegian town population's Seasonal Affective Disorder due to the lack of winter sunlight! (Heck, I barely qualify as a Tinkerers Assistant.)

But then I thought about it. My search history is probably so ecclectic, so diffused, that algorithms can't find a round hole for my square peg. So they're throwing stuff at the wall to see what sticks. And I nibbled at the proffered bait - silly me.

Now I can probably anticipate an influx of ads dealing with various chemical components (etc.) of various types while the AI algorithms try to sort me out. May the Flying Spaghetti Monster protect me if there are poisonous or explosive chems in any adverts because USA Homeland Security zeros in on all that kind of stuff. The road ahead might turn real rocky, real fast.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the puchline which qualifies this post for the joke thread. Innocent web user gets put on a terrorist watch list due to AI-guided algorithms. What, you don't see the humour in that?
.

[socaldmax]

Originally Posted by GordMay

Who would that have been?
Sounds apocryphal, to me.

Why does it sound apocryphal? In my experience, the truth is often far stranger than anything I could dream up.

His name is Brian Scura. The owner of GT bicycles (they were popular 20-30 yrs ago) and several other bike companies, current owner of SST, also the inventor of the Odyssey Gyro, which allows the brake cables to pull on the brakes of a BMX or freestyle bike while also allowing the rider to spin the handlebars 360* or more. He made $1 commission per unit, they sold millions worldwide. He also invented a few other things, but he was too modest to tell me about them, even though we talked every night by a campfire in the desert for at least 100 days over a 2 yr period. Most of the conversations were kind of Zen like, he was extremely well read and could quote entire passages from famous books on business, influencing people, etc.



Even stranger, I'm good friends with Don Parscale, the former owner of Ultramax BMX cranks and former business competitor in the bike business. We ended up talking about Brian and he remembered having a heated argument with him at a bike convention about the proper Rockwell hardness for chromolly bicycle cranks. We all camped together in the desert, they resumed their argument from 20 yrs before and realized they now agreed on the same number.

Even stranger than that, my chassis fabricator, Dustin Dumas, of AG Sandcars, was building a custom travel trailer for a freestyle rider friend of his who turned out to be the first professional bike rider that Brian hired. When I took Brian to meet Dustin for lunch, the rider was there and it turned out they all knew each other and it became a big unplanned reunion. Dustin was very impressed with Brian, apparently he followed Brian's BMX team when he was a kid. It was the BMX rider (I don't recall his name) who told me about a couple of other inventions Brian had that he never mentioned.

Even though I was never involved in the bike industry, it's apparently a small world and I accidentally met quite a few of them, including Don's son, who was the first rider on the Ultramax BMX team.