The New Joke Thread

[LakeSuperior]

My neighbor's little son asked me where you find giant snails?

I tried to blind him with science.

“Well, they’re originally from Kenya, and their Latin name is the Achatina Fulica …”

Turns out the answer was ‘On giant’s fingers’.

[delmarrey]

You won’t believe what happened on the way to Macy’s....


.

[HopCar]

Damn you Delmarrey, you made me spit my coffee across the room. That’s funny!

[CaptTom]

While we're on the subject of Christmas decorations, you may want to think twice if you have palm trees:

[Pelagic]

Originally Posted by delmarrey

You won’t believe what happened on the way to Macy’s....


.

Lol....The guy was just following orders from his dyslexic boss
....Deck the balls with lots of holly [emoji4]

[johnny AoB]

New replacement for Santa Claus

https://babylonbee.com/news/fun-new-...r-climate-sins

[Connemara]

Originally Posted by Pelagic

Lol....The guy was just following orders from his dyslexic boss
....Deck the balls with lots of holly [emoji4]

Reminds me a of (possibly apocryphal) tale about the Winnipeg Free Press. My interlocutor swore he was there and every word was true but ....

It seems that late one Christmas Eve, just before the presses were to roll, the police reporter filed a short item about a chap named Oliver, who had come home from tomcatting one too many times, His irate wife, police said, met him the hallway of their house with a large knife and nutted him then and there. She was in custody; he was in hospital facing a future as a eunuch.

The senior editor, eager to get to the next-door bar, threw the story to the lone copy editor who hadn't already made his escape and said: "Give this a two-line hed and stick it on A1. I'll order you a beer."

Minutes later, the copy editor appeared, grabbed his glass, and took a long, satisfied slug. The senior editor, taking a sip himself, idly asked: "What hed did you put on?"

The copy editor replied: "You Should Have Seen Oliver Twist."

The senior editor sprayed his beer over the bar and told the editor to get the hell back in there and change the hed.

A few minutes later he was back again and, as the rumble of the presses next door started up, picked up his glass again. The senior editor again asked what hed had been put on the story, to which came the reply:

"She Decked The Hall With Balls of Ollie."

Connemara

[Eigenvector]

What's Wrong With This Picture

[delmarrey]

Originally Posted by Montanan

“Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.”
– Dave Barry

Originally Posted by Eigenvector

What's Wrong With This Picture

How’d she get her head thru the bottom.

[jeanathon]

Everything

[Eigenvector]

Originally Posted by delmarrey

How’d she get her head thru the bottom.

Ok..EDIt.....Name 2 things that aren't right with this picture.

[delmarrey]

Originally Posted by Eigenvector

Ok..EDIt.....Name 2 things that aren't right with this picture.

I wonder? Is there a skid mark under her chin?

[senormechanico]

So many things wrong with that pic, I didn't even notice the bra top until I read the next post.

Just EWWWW !!

[ben2go]

Originally Posted by Eigenvector

What's Wrong With This Picture

Common man. I was having breakfast.

[GordMay]