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Old 21-09-2019, 12:12   #6631
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by delmarrey View Post
IF THE GOVERNMENT WANTS TO BE PC, SO BE IT!



Oregon Department of Fish and Wildlife letter to a home/landowner asking for permission to access a creek on their property to document the decline in a certain species of unheard of frogs.







Dear Landowner:





ODFW Staff will be conducting surveys for foothill yellow-legged frogs & other amphibians over the next few months. As part of this research we would like to survey the creek on your property. I am writing this letter to request your permission to access your property.



Recent research indicates that foothill yellow-legged frogs have declined significantly in recent years and are no longer found at half their historic sites. Your cooperation will be greatly appreciated and will help contribute to the conservation of this important species.



Please fill out the attached postage-paid postcard and let us know if you are willing to let us cross your property or not.??



If you have any concerns about this project please give us a call. We would love to talk with you about our research.



Sincerely,



Steve Niemela

Conservation Strategy Implementation Biologist





********RESPONSE FROM LANDOWNERS: ********





Dear Mr. Niemela:





Thank you for your inquiry regarding accessing our property to survey for the yellow-legged frog. We may be able to help you out with this matter.



We have divided our 2.26 acres into 75 equal survey units with a draw tag for each unit. Application fees are only $8.00 per unit after you purchase the Frog Survey License ($120.00 resident / $180.00 Non-Resident). You will need to obtain a Frog Habitat parking permit ($10.00 per vehicle) and an Invasive Species stamp ($15.00 for the first vehicle and $5.00 for each additional vehicle).



You must also register at the Check Station to have your vehicle inspected for non-native plant life prior to entering our property. Additionally, there is a Day Use fee, $5.00 per vehicle.



If you are successful in the Draw you will be notified two weeks in advance so you can make necessary plans and purchase your Creek Habitat stamp. ($18.00 Resident /$140.00 Non-Resident).



Survey units open between 8am and 3pm but you cannot commence survey until 9am and must cease all survey activity by 1pm.



Survey Gear may only include a net with a 2" diameter made of 100% organic cotton netting with no longer than an 18" handle, non-weighted and no deeper than 6' from net frame to bottom of net. Handles may only be made of wood or BPA-free plastics.



After 1pm you may use a net with a 3" diameter if you purchase the Frog Net Endorsement ($75.00 Resident / $250 Non-Resident).



Any frogs captured and released must be freed into the environment unharmed with an approved release device.



As of June 1, we are offering draw tags for our Premium Survey units and application is again only $8.00 per application. However, all fees can be waived if you can verify Native Indian Tribal rights and status.



You must provide evidence of successful completion of Frog Surveys and You: A comprehensive course on frog identification, safe handling practices, and self-defense strategies for frog attacks. This course is offered online through an accredited program for a nominal fee of $750.00.



Please let us know if we can be of further assistance to you, otherwise we decline your request for access to our property. But we appreciate your inquiry.





Sincerely,



Larry & Amanda Anderson.


Keep protecting the frogs
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Old 21-09-2019, 12:26   #6632
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Video unavailable
google search this: Lambada Deep House REMIX https://www.google.com/search?q=Lamb...hrome&ie=UTF-8

Two options:

1) Click the photo link that appears at the page top.

2) Click the top thumbnail just below the main photo link for an alternative version. Of course, second chioce is never as good as first choice. <smile>

Caution! Option two has boats and scenes of college kids partying on the beach. PC Brigade should avoid watching.
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Old 21-09-2019, 12:30   #6633
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Still sexy, but more focus on the actual dancing
https://youtu.be/cVaIPF7xnQg


Like this approach even better
https://youtu.be/_zdv23bAINM
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Old 21-09-2019, 12:39   #6634
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Video unavailable
Working fine from here, maybe geo-locked
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Old 21-09-2019, 14:51   #6635
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by svmariane View Post
My lesbian granddaughter's girlfriend sent this link to me.
I suspect it's the email equivelant of sticking out the tongue.


Looks like an overly sexed-up Texas Two-Step.
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Old 21-09-2019, 16:55   #6636
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Looks like an overly sexed-up Texas Two-Step.
I thought that the Texas two-step was another name for Montezuma's Revenge!

Jim
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Old 21-09-2019, 17:23   #6637
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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I thought that the Texas two-step was another name for Montezuma's Revenge!

Jim
That's the Tijuana two-step
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Old 22-09-2019, 02:43   #6638
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange.
When the waiter brought our water and cutlery, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.
When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?" "Well, "he explained, "the restaurant’s owners hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped piece of cutlery. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our staff are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."
As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare. "I’ll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now." I was impressed.
I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter’s zip on his trousers. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"
"Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the rest-room. By tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the rest-room by 76.39 per cent."
I asked "After you get it out, how do you put it back?"
"Well," he whispered, "I don’t know about the others, but I use the spoon."
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Old 22-09-2019, 06:58   #6639
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Re: The New Joke Thread

That reminds me of a consultant many years ago that gave us some recommendations. One was that all our factory screw drivers should have magnetic tips to hold the screws to improve efficiency. But he just couldn’t seem to comprehend that all of our screws were non-magnetic stainless steel. We used magnets to inspect for “bad hardware”.
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Old 22-09-2019, 07:23   #6640
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The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by transmitterdan View Post
That reminds me of a consultant many years ago that gave us some recommendations. One was that all our factory screw drivers should have magnetic tips to hold the screws to improve efficiency. But he just couldn’t seem to comprehend that all of our screws were non-magnetic stainless steel. We used magnets to inspect for “bad hardware”.


Ah, yes. Back in the days when things were actually “Made in the US”
Plant I worked at was going through a bunch of stupid stuff when I Retired like vending machines with consumables and you would swipe your employee card to get a drill bit etc. that way the amount of consumables could be tracked by employee.
God knows why.
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Old 22-09-2019, 15:13   #6641
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by a64pilot View Post
Ah, yes. Back in the days when things were actually “Made in the US”
Plant I worked at was going through a bunch of stupid stuff when I Retired like vending machines with consumables and you would swipe your employee card to get a drill bit etc. that way the amount of consumables could be tracked by employee.
God knows why.

Please explain why you have drawn 8 of every sized drill bit in stock in the last week?
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Old 22-09-2019, 15:23   #6642
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Joke thread, hope it counts as a joke, but it's a consultant story.

Story was, Henry Ford the somethingth hired a consultant to review head office activities to find efficiencies. After a few weeks the consultant reported:

"Everything looks fine except for the fellow three offices down from you. Every time I've looked in he's been sitting with his feet up on the desk staring out the window. He never does any work; you should get rid of him."

And Henry Ford the somethingth replied "Well, I would, but that's exactly the position he was in when he came up with the idea that saved the company ten million dollars a year."

[Side note: I have an MBA, so I may know whereof I speak. Or I may be a complete fraud and imposter. Your guess is as good as mine.]
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Old 22-09-2019, 15:31   #6643
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Please explain why you have drawn 8 of every sized drill bit in stock in the last week?


They never got it to work, just blew money on it, like the SAP software. They kept talking about how SAP was going to automate the plant, everything was just going to happen automatically.
Spent a huge amount of money on SAP, hired several SAP experts, had an entire IT section
You have a person in the tool room, one person that issues out consumables, that works and works well.
Or you have the supervisor of that section that has a wall locker that handles consumables.

Or as was tried, you can spend thousands to try to save pennies, cause you have to have people that write the program, gather the data, keep the machines stocked etc, etc.
Or each supervisor of each section turns in requisitions each week to be ordered, that’s inventory control.
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Old 22-09-2019, 20:17   #6644
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Grammar ‘jokes’, interesting stories, anecdotes possibly about well known people, links to YT - STOP IT PLEASE!!!!

I love The New Joke Thread. I don’t love the not-a-joke posts. Please go post those elsewhere.

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Old 22-09-2019, 20:36   #6645
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Re: The New Joke Thread

https://youtu.be/1vecj16mXQY
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