The New Joke Thread

[Eigenvector]

and back to paying work............

[john61ct]

Not a single one of those graphics displays in Tapatalk

[Buzzman]

Meep!! Meep!!


And no sign of ACME packaging, anywhere!

This is a really dumb coyote....

[Eigenvector]

Originally Posted by john61ct

Not a single one of those graphics displays in Tapatalk

I believe you've had the same problem before.

[john61ct]

As do all the other thousands of Tapatalk users.

Since the website isn't fixing it, perhaps best to use the other methods of posting, where "quoting" actually shows a link, rather than "attachments"?

Of course do as you like if you don't care

[LakeSuperior]

A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store.

The parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."

Well, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work.

On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."

She was incredibly ticked now.

The next day the same parrot again said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."

The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird.

The store manager replied, "That's not good," and promised he wouldn't say it again.

When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her, "Hey lady."

She paused and said, "Yes?"

The bird said, "You know."

[LakeSuperior]

A duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. The barman says, "Hey, you're a duck!"

"Nothing wrong with your eyesight," observes the duck.

"Yeah, but I mean -- you can TALK!" says the barman.

"I guess your ears are fine, too," answers the duck. "Now, can I have a beer please?"

The barman serves the duck a pint and asks him what he's doing in the area.

"Oh," says the duck, "I work as a plasterer on the building site over there. I'll be here for a couple of weeks, and I'll be in each lunchtime for a pint."

And each day the duck waddles over from his job at the building site and has his lunchtime lager.

The next week, the circus comes to town on its annual round.

The circus owner comes in for a pint, and the barman tells him about the talking duck, "You should get it into your circus," he says, "You could make a lot of bucks out of a talking duck. I'll speak to him about it."

The following day, the duck comes in at lunchtime.

The barman says, "You know, the circus is in town, and yesterday I was chatting to the owner, He's very interested in you."

"Really?" says the duck.

"Yeah. You could make a lot of money there. I can fix it up for you easily."

"Hang on," says the duck. "You did say a CIRCUS, didn't you?"

"That's right."

"That's one of those tent things, isn't it? With a big pole in the middle?"

"Yeah!"

"That's canvas, isn't it?" asks the duck.

"Of course," replies the barman. "I'll get you a job there starting tomorrow. The circus owner's dead keen on hiring you."

The duck looking very puzzled, "Why would he want a plasterer?"

[socaldmax]

Originally Posted by john61ct

Not a single one of those graphics displays in Tapatalk

That's one of the reasons why I never use tapatalk.

[HopCar]

The duck looking very puzzled, "Why would he want a plasterer?"[/QUOTE]

Because the duck was a Canvasback and the tent was made of canvas duck.

[socaldmax]

When I was a kid, we lived in Okinawa.

I'm not going to exaggerate about the size of the mosquitoes. But...

one day a mosquito landed at Naha and they pumped 150 gallons of JP4 into it before they realized what it really was!

[svmariane]

This was posted way back when, but what the heck...

Three ducks walk into a bar. Bar man asks the first duck: “What’s your name, and how was your day?” The duck replies: “It’s Huey and it’s been great, I’ve been in and out of puddles all day. Give me a beer, please”.

The bar man asks the second duck the same, “It’s Dewey, and I’ve also been in and out of puddles all day. Give me a beer, please”.

Finally he turns to the third duck: “so you must be Louie?”

“No” she replies, “I'm Puddles. And don’t ask. Just give me a whiskey, neat.”

[Jim Cate]

Originally Posted by HopCar

The duck looking very puzzled, "Why would he want a plasterer?"

Because the duck was a Canvasback and the tent was made of canvas duck.[/QUOTE]

Well done, Hoppy!

Jim

[socaldmax]

Originally Posted by svmariane

This was posted way back when, but what the heck...

Three ducks walk into a bar. Bar man asks the first duck: “What’s your name, and how was your day?” The duck replies: “It’s Huey and it’s been great, I’ve been in and out of puddles all day. Give me a beer, please”.

The bar man asks the second duck the same, “It’s Dewey, and I’ve also been in and out of puddles all day. Give me a beer, please”.

Finally he turns to the third duck: “so you must be Louie?”

“No” she replies, “I'm Puddles. And don’t ask. Just give me a whiskey, neat.”

You would think her day was twice as good as theirs.

[john61ct]

No joke, many duck species' mating behaviour is akin to gang rape, sometimes killing the victim.

I know, consent in the animal kingdom's a bit of a joke, but just sayin', reason she said "don't ask".

[john61ct]

Two ducks go on their honeymoon and stay in a hotel. As they are about to make love, the male duck says, ''Oh, we haven't got any condoms. I'll ring down to room service.'' He calls and asks for some condoms.

The woman says, ''OK sir, would you like to put them on your bill?''

''No,'' he says, ''I'll suffocate!''