Cruisers Forum
 


Join CruisersForum Today

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Rating: Thread Rating: 5 votes, 4.80 average. Display Modes
Old 16-08-2019, 08:54   #6196
Registered User
 
LakeSuperior's Avatar

Join Date: Jan 2008
Boat: Teak Yawl, 37'
Posts: 2,501
Images: 7
Re: The New Joke Thread

What’s the difference between being in prison and playing on a basketball team?

On a basketball team, your guards won’t leave you hanging.
__________________

LakeSuperior is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16-08-2019, 08:54   #6197
Registered User
 
LakeSuperior's Avatar

Join Date: Jan 2008
Boat: Teak Yawl, 37'
Posts: 2,501
Images: 7
Re: The New Joke Thread

I'm 45 years old and I just bought my very first sports car. My girlfriend thinks I’m going through a midlife crisis.

But what would she know? She’s only 18.
__________________

LakeSuperior is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16-08-2019, 08:56   #6198
Registered User
 
LakeSuperior's Avatar

Join Date: Jan 2008
Boat: Teak Yawl, 37'
Posts: 2,501
Images: 7
Re: The New Joke Thread

GP: You have too much sugar in your diet. I recommend swapping desserts for appetizers. They’re much better for you nutritionally.

Patient: Ugh do I have to?

GP: Doctor’s hors d'oeuvres.
LakeSuperior is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16-08-2019, 17:26   #6199
Senior Cruiser
 
StuM's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Port Moresby,Papua New Guinea
Boat: FP Belize Maestro 43 and OPB
Posts: 10,311
Re: The New Joke Thread

Q: How many people does it take to change a light bulb on “Cruisers Forum?”

1 person to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.
14 people to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.
7 people to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
17 purists who use candles and are offended by light bulb discussions.
6 people to argue over whether it's 'lightbulb' or 'light bulb'.
Another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid.
22 to tell THOSE 6 to stop being jackasses.
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is 'lamp'.
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that 'light bulb' is perfectly correct.
14 to post meme's and gif's.
19 to post that CF is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a light bulb forum.
11 to defend the posting saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant here.
12 to post F.
8 to ask what F means.
16 to post 'Following' but you can do that under Thread Tools that means you don't have to.
36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty.
7 to ask if the brands of light bulbs used are worth the money.
19 to tell them that if they like the light bulbs, buy them.
5 People to post pics of their own light bulbs.
15 People to post "I can't see S$%^!" and use their own light bulbs.
7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs.
4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's.
13 to comment "Me too".
5 to post that they will no longer post or are leaving because they cannot handle the $!%cking light bulb controversy.
6 to report the post or PM an admin because someone said "f÷×$"
4 to say "Didn't we go through this already a short time ago?".
13 to say "Do a search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs".
1 to bring politics into the discussion by adding that (insert politician of choice) isn't the brightest bulb.
4 more to get into personal attacks over their political views.
1 late arrival to comment on the original post 6 months later and start it all over again.
StuM is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16-08-2019, 18:16   #6200
Moderator
 
Adelie's Avatar

Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: La Ciudad de la Misión Didacus de Alcalá en Alta California, Virreinato de Nueva España
Boat: Cal 20
Posts: 10,842
Re: The New Joke Thread

And then there’s the poster that replies 7yr later asking why nobody brought up X technology LED that came out 6mo ago and they think it’s the bomb.
__________________
Num Me Vexo?
A house is but a boat so poorly built and so firmly run aground no one would think to try and refloat it.
Adelie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16-08-2019, 19:21   #6201
Registered User
 
AnglaisInHull's Avatar

Join Date: May 2015
Location: Sailing Lake Ontario
Boat: Mirage 35
Posts: 816
Re: The New Joke Thread

Okay, let's do light bulb jokes.

How many Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Californians don't screw in light bulbs, they screw in hot tubs.
__________________
My boat is like me. People look, and say "... pretty good shape ... for its age ..."
AnglaisInHull is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16-08-2019, 20:06   #6202
Registered User

Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 645
Re: The New Joke Thread

How many computer programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. It's a hardware problem.
Jdege is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16-08-2019, 20:34   #6203
Moderator
 
Jim Cate's Avatar

Join Date: May 2008
Location: cruising SW Pacific
Boat: Jon Sayer 1-off 46 ft fract rig sloop strip plank in W Red Cedar
Posts: 16,541
Re: The New Joke Thread

OK, time for some serious stuff now:

There was once a shade tree mechanic who worked on cars out in his paddock. For protection he had a pit bull named Mace (pit bull guys are always giving their dogs aggressive names like that). Mace was a good dog, but when he got out he had the habit of eating grass, which made him sick, so he was usually kept penned up.

Well, one arvo the mecho dropped his favorite spanner and couldn't find it despite searching high and low. So he knocked off for t he day and had a couple of beers... and forgot to pen up the dog who escaped and commenced to indulge his herbivorous habit... all night long.

In the morning the mecho awoke to a paddock largely stripped of grass and there, sparkling in the sun was his missing tool, just where he had dropped it. He was overjoyed and said "Oh grazing Mace, how sweet the hound who saved a wrench for me" just as you or I might have done.

Jim
__________________
Jim and Ann s/v Insatiable II lying Port Cygnet again, freezing our bums off.
Jim Cate is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16-08-2019, 21:31   #6204
Registered User

Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 772
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jdege View Post
How many computer programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. It's a hardware problem.
Corollary: How many hardware engineers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. We’ll let them fix it in software...
toddster8 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16-08-2019, 21:48   #6205
Moderator
 
JPA Cate's Avatar

Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: aboard, cruising in Australia
Boat: Sayer 46' Solent rig sloop
Posts: 19,008
Re: The New Joke Thread

And of course, how many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
.
.
.
.
.
Only one, but it has to WANT to change.
__________________
Who scorns the calm has forgotten the storm.
JPA Cate is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16-08-2019, 21:51   #6206
Moderator
 
Adelie's Avatar

Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: La Ciudad de la Misión Didacus de Alcalá en Alta California, Virreinato de Nueva España
Boat: Cal 20
Posts: 10,842
The New Joke Thread

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?


One, but only if the light bulb wants to change.
__________________
Num Me Vexo?
A house is but a boat so poorly built and so firmly run aground no one would think to try and refloat it.
Adelie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17-08-2019, 00:30   #6207
Senior Cruiser
 
StuM's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Port Moresby,Papua New Guinea
Boat: FP Belize Maestro 43 and OPB
Posts: 10,311
Re: The New Joke Thread

Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb? A: Two, one to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.

Q: How many board meetings does it take to get a light bulb changed? A: This topic was resumed from last week's discussion, but is incomplete pending resolution of some action items. It will be continued next week. Meanwhile...

How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb?

Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb?
Border Collie: Just one. And I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
Dachshund: I can't reach the stupid lamp!
Toy Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
Rottweiler: Go Ahead! Make me!
Shi-tzu: Puh-leeze, dah-ling. Let the servants. . .
Lab: Oh, me, me!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I?
Malamute: Let the Border collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.
Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
Doberman Pinscher: While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch.
Mastiff: Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark.
Hound Dog: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.
Pointer: I see it, there it is, right there...
Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
Australian Shepherd: Put all the light bulbs in a little circle...
Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb?


StuM is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17-08-2019, 04:36   #6208
Registered User

Join Date: Mar 2016
Boat: McCurdy & Rhodes Custom 46
Posts: 646
Re: The New Joke Thread

Him many grandmothers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. “I’ll just sit here all alone in the dark by myself.”
dfelsent is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17-08-2019, 04:41   #6209
Registered User
 
Reefmagnet's Avatar

Join Date: May 2008
Location: puɐןsuǝǝnb 'ʎɐʞɔɐɯ
Boat: Nantucket Island 33
Posts: 4,028
Re: The New Joke Thread

Hands up everyone!


Many hands make light work.
Reefmagnet is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17-08-2019, 05:55   #6210
Registered User
 
NavyDoc's Avatar

Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 10
Re: The New Joke Thread

How many dyslexics does it take to change a light bulb?

Eno.
__________________

NavyDoc is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Advertise Here


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:27.


Google+
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Social Knowledge Networks
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

ShowCase vBulletin Plugins by Drive Thru Online, Inc.