The New Joke Thread

[delmarrey]

Originally Posted by GordMay

I hope this doesn't offend.

Evidently, the El Paso shooter was mad about “Hispanics invading Texas ...”
I guess he didn’t know that Hispanics have been in Texas, since Texas was Mexico.

This just goes to show ya the lack of education (History) our kids are getting in public schools......

[socaldmax]

Before any of you married guys yell, "Hey honey! You're in the newspaper!"...

[socaldmax]

Originally Posted by delmarrey

This just goes to show ya the lack of education (History) our kids are getting in public schools......

Oh, that's absolutely who he was referring to!

Because people always talk about current events from 200 yrs ago!

[socaldmax]

[socaldmax]

[socaldmax]

Let's just assume "yes"...

[socaldmax]

[socaldmax]

[socaldmax]

[Saleen411]

Originally Posted by socaldmax

Do you know the secret to making
your wife/spouse SCREAM for at least 15 minutes after having an orgasm?

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
........wipe your d*** off on the curtains.

[socaldmax]

Originally Posted by GordMay

To be accurate, that's a misrepresentation.

More than 76,000 aliens were apprehended (people apprehended between ports of entry on the Southwest border), or deemed inadmissible, seeking legal entry at a port of entry in February.
Office of Field Operations (OFO at ports of entry) inadmissibility metrics include:
- individuals encountered at ports of entry who are seeking lawful admission into the United States but are determined to be inadmissible
- individuals presenting themselves to seek humanitarian protection under our laws
- individuals who withdraw an application for admission and return to their countries of origin within a short timeframe.

The CBP included both “apprehensions" and "inadmissible arrivals” in their tally of more than 76,000 “encounters.”
Since the CBP data combines people seeking legal entry with those who sought to illegally cross the open border, the claims that 76,000 people crossed the border without authorization would be false.

However, if you subtract the number of migrants who sought entry at a legal port of entry, the remaining 66,450 is still the highest number of migrants apprehended crossing the open border since 2008.

You coulda just said the JOKE wasn't very funny.

Since jokes are very subjective, I'm not going to subjectively claim what is funny or what isn't. We have a long history in this thread for correcting jokes, so I figured I might as well.

As for the inaccuracy of the 76,000 illegals, I'm going to blame https://www.nytimes.com/2019/03/05/u...-increase.html

More than 76,000 migrants crossed the border without authorization in February, an 11-year high...

My apologies, I forgot that I needed to fact check the NYT.

[john61ct]

Yes they are very pro-corporate and IMO reactionary right-wing, definitely need just as much fact-checking as those even more so like the WSJ.

[transmitterdan]

Tell a joke or don’t hit send....just sayin’

[john61ct]

Apparently minimum text characters are required

[svmariane]

Random bits of conversation overheard down to the pub.

(Warning: Contains no pizza jokes. Or the Parrot Sketch.)

It was after several months in prison I finally saw my window of opportunity.
If only I'd remembered that I was on the 3rd floor.

It’s time we put our weapons aside and determine with our fist who will win this fight
- in a ruthless match of rock-paper-scissors.

An amnesiac walks into a bar. He goes up to a beautiful blonde and says,
“So, do I come here often?”

Q: What do you call someone who can’t stick with a diet?
A: A desserter.

I gave up jogging for health reasons. My thighs kept rubbing together
and setting my pantyhose on fire.

My girlfriend walked out on me for being too old fashioned.
I thought we had good alchemy.

That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything
and all you can think is “act natural, you’re innocent”.

I had my credit card stolen the other day but I didn’t bother to report it
because the thief spends less than my wife.