Random bits of conversation overheard down to the pub.
(Warning: Contains no pizza jokes. Or the Parrot Sketch.)
It was after several months in prison I finally saw my window of opportunity.
If only I'd remembered that I was on the 3rd floor.
It’s time we put our weapons aside and determine with our fist who will win this fight
- in a ruthless match of rock-paper-scissors.
An amnesiac walks into a bar. He goes up to a beautiful blonde and says,
“So, do I come here often?”
Q: What do you call someone who can’t stick with a diet?
A: A desserter.
I gave up jogging for health
reasons. My thighs kept rubbing together
and setting my pantyhose on fire.
My girlfriend walked out on me for being too old fashioned.
I thought we had good alchemy.
That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying
and all you can think is “act natural, you’re innocent”.
I had my credit card stolen the other day but I didn’t bother to report it
because the thief spends less than my wife.