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Old 08-08-2019, 17:34   #6076
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Re: The New Joke Thread

My wife said the same thing...

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Old 08-08-2019, 17:36   #6077
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Says every married man on the planet...

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Old 08-08-2019, 17:37   #6078
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Well, that explains how he got there...

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Old 08-08-2019, 17:40   #6079
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Old 08-08-2019, 17:41   #6080
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 08-08-2019, 17:45   #6081
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 08-08-2019, 20:44   #6082
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnglaisInHull View Post
Where I lived many years ago there was a church with a big sign out front: "Jesus Saves." And across the street was a grocery store with their national slogan: "Loblaws saves you more."

Was that before or after the lightning strike burned it to the ground?
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Old 08-08-2019, 21:00   #6083
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Old 09-08-2019, 11:17   #6084
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Some people are so clumsy they'd get tangled up in a cordless phone.

A man walks into a bar and asks ‘What’s the quickest way to the train station?’
"Are you walking or do you have a car?" asks the bartender.
"I have a car" replied the man.
Aaah good – because that’s the quickest way" said the bar tender.
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Old 09-08-2019, 11:52   #6085
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Sometimes, over a few bears down at the pub, folk engage in political discussion. We've got your Conservatives, Laborites, Democrats, Republicans, Libertarians, Socialists, Independants, Communists, Anarchists and NWO types. When asked about my poltican affiliation I tend to replay that I'm leaning towards becoming a Publican.

Why? Because then, unlike other "politicians":

I serve a purpose.

I'm being useful to all my constituents.

My daily actions actually conform to my beliefs.

People need to pay me to give them what they want, but everyone pays the same price and the prices are posted on the wall.

"Last Call" isn't a reference to a hooker.


Vote for me in the next election.
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Old 09-08-2019, 12:03   #6086
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Relativity theory....

If i stick a finger in your eye, than we both have a finger in the eye, but I am relatively better off...
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Old 09-08-2019, 16:54   #6087
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Speaking of relativity, my father's theory of relativity was "The more money you have the more relatives".
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Old 09-08-2019, 16:58   #6088
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Re: The New Joke Thread

My father was also very wise and often told my brother and I not to beat our chest in pride because it falls. Unfortunately, we did not listen and now we are a couple of old guys with pot bellies. Kids never listen to grownups.
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Old 09-08-2019, 17:54   #6089
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Re: The New Joke Thread

So does this mean oil tankers are fully laden in both directions - outbound and inbound?
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Old 09-08-2019, 18:03   #6090
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Always wanted to be a graffitist....
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