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Old 26-07-2019, 16:40   #5926
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Re: The New Joke Thread

On a nautical theme - the Golden Days of Sail.

"When the cabin boys feared the Captain's wink and we all crapped over the rail."

Headphones and a little bit of forebearance suggested.
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Old 27-07-2019, 00:17   #5927
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 27-07-2019, 04:25   #5928
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Does that apply to SailOars as well?


(Sorry, couldn't resist)
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Old 27-07-2019, 05:22   #5929
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Me: Dad, my dog has a fever, what should I do?

Dad: Get some mustard.

Me: Why?

Dad: It's the best thing for a hot dog.
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Old 27-07-2019, 05:23   #5930
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Me: Someone we know is possessed by an owl.

Friend: Who?

Me: [narrows eyes]
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Old 27-07-2019, 11:24   #5931
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Dallas TX (AP) - A seven-year old boy was at the center of a Dallas courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him.

The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him.

After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.

After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Dallas Cowboys, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.
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Old 27-07-2019, 11:30   #5932
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Re: The New Joke Thread

I always do...

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Old 27-07-2019, 11:38   #5933
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Re: The New Joke Thread

A young man joins the Air Force. He writes his father, saying that he is really frightened about the upcoming parachute exercises. A few months later he gets leave and goes home. This was the conversation:
Father: "So, how did the parachute jump go, son?"
Son: "Well, Dad, it came time for me to jump and I froze at the door. My drill sergeant comes up behind me. He is a really big tough scary guy. He said to me that I had to either jump out of the plane or he was going to "do me" with his 12-incher!"
Father: "Well, Son, did you jump?"
Son: "Yes I did... a little... at first"
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Old 27-07-2019, 11:42   #5934
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Old 27-07-2019, 11:43   #5935
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Old 27-07-2019, 11:44   #5936
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Old 28-07-2019, 09:33   #5937
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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The damage is real, but the plastic that is finding its way into the oceans isn't coming from first world countries with effective sanitation and garbage collection.
You mean like LA and SF?
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Old 28-07-2019, 09:40   #5938
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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I was given a waxed paper straw with a margarita recently. I was thirsty and the margarita was delicious, so the straw survived two drinks. I needed another straw for margarita #3. I donít remember after that. Point is that paper works, but not great.

Plastic replaced paper, glass and cloth as the packaging material of choice due to effectiveness and lower cost. Health standards increased and will be barriers for wide spread adoption of the old alternatives. Raw meat or fish wrapped in paper, even waxed, leaks. And isnít hygienic (at least by developed world health and safety standards). Glass weighs a ton and breaks. Cloth doesnít stop bugs and bacteria.

(Over-)Packaging of food is a feature of the industrial supply of food. With 7+ billion people on this planet we arenít going back to organic mixed crop farming for anything more than a small privileged minority, so reforming plastic packaging is the issue, not virtue signalling removal trends.

In NZ weíve recently had single use plastic carry bags banned, but the produce and meat and bread is still packaged and seemingly over-packaged in plastic and/or plastic trays. Non perishable food and other products still come in layer upon layer of plastic. Is there less plastic? Probably not.

The best action individual consumers can do is to remove as much of the plastic packaging as possible at the store (after purchase) and leave it with the store. Theyíll get the message pretty quickly that consumers donít want excessive packaging. Of course, that means you bring your own alternatives. I like bulk food stores for that reason, but Iím not going to pay double for milk to buy it in a glass bottle.

Ok, back to the jokes, please.
What I like are the plastic packages where you canít get the product out of without hurting yourself.
Thank you Costco.
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Old 28-07-2019, 09:53   #5939
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Man asks God, "why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God answers, "so that you would love her"
Man asks, "but why did you make her so stupid?"
God answers, "so that she would love you"
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Old 28-07-2019, 10:01   #5940
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Had to look that one up. But once I did, it made me
This is the great thing about getting old. Jokes can be recycled too....
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