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Old 23-07-2019, 20:02   #5896
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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There was a TV doco recently on plastic straws and the damage they do in the oceans
The damage is real, but the plastic that is finding its way into the oceans isn't coming from first world countries with effective sanitation and garbage collection.
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Old 23-07-2019, 21:11   #5897
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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To understand what this must be like, stick a plastic straw in your nose, then tie your hands behind you so they can't come forward, then attach small cushions to the hands so you have no finger or wrist movement, and THEN try to extract the straw from your nose.

Then, if that still doesn't seem too hard, tie a 2' x 3' piece of 3/4" ply to your back and lie on your stomach and try again....

Who'd be a turtle, eh??


Oh... a turtle. I thought this was a party game.

(But yes, I agree)
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Old 23-07-2019, 21:16   #5898
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Re: The New Joke Thread

lol - okay, so take several measures of neat alcohol (your choice of poison) prior to attaching pillows to hands.

The accompanying lack of hand eye co-ordination won't help you, but it will make you look more like one of those spastic turtles trying to extract a plastic straw from it's nostril...!!

Does that satisfy the 'drinking game' element...???
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Old 23-07-2019, 21:27   #5899
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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lol - okay, so take several measures of neat alcohol (your choice of poison) prior to attaching pillows to hands.

The accompanying lack of hand eye co-ordination won't help you, but it will make you look more like one of those spastic turtles trying to extract a plastic straw from it's nostril...!!

Does that satisfy the 'drinking game' element...???


Satisfies and possibly exceeds it.
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Old 24-07-2019, 07:02   #5900
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Not directed at anyone here but

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Old 24-07-2019, 07:03   #5901
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Sorry I donít know how I posted it twice. Maybe Iíve got the IW of a crayon too.
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Old 24-07-2019, 07:54   #5902
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by Buzzman View Post

To understand what this must be like, stick a plastic straw in your nose,
Who'd be a turtle, eh??
There are a few Darwin Award candidates that stick straws up their Noses on a regular basis

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Old 24-07-2019, 08:00   #5903
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by IslandHopper View Post
Back to the funny stuff

A woman walks into a chemist shop and tells the pharmacist she wants to buy some arsenic.

He says "What do you want with arsenic?

She says "I want to kill my husband because he cheats on me by having sex with another woman.
Said in a Scottish accent....

Did you.hear about the woman who poisoned her husband with a razor blade??

...She gave his Arsenic
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Old 24-07-2019, 08:24   #5904
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Re: The New Joke Thread

What I found interesting about the discussion following the pic was how everyone focused on the straw and completely missed the larger issue: the garbage all over the street. I've used a huge number of straws in my lifetime and I'm proud to say every single one of them was disposed of properly. After I disposed of it, I have no idea if it ended up in a landfill, or somehow ended up in the ocean, but to immediately make a direct connection between a straw used in a restaurant and litter in the ocean seems to infer that somehow every single straw ends up in the ocean, which is obviously not true.

The bigger issue isn't whether you want a straw or not. It's how trash disposal is handled worldwide. Every nation needs to take a good hard look at how it's trash disposal is handled and try to figure out how so much of it ends up in the ocean. Of course natural disasters account for a lot of debris and trash out there, but there are probably some nations that still dump millions of tons of trash at sea.

What's that old saying about penny wise and pound foolish?

I think straws are just the tip of the iceberg in terms of the trash problem.


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Old 24-07-2019, 10:32   #5905
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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What I found interesting about the discussion following the pic was how everyone focused on the straw and completely missed the larger issue: the garbage all over the street. I've used a huge number of straws in my lifetime and I'm proud to say every single one of them was disposed of properly. After I disposed of it, I have no idea if it ended up in a landfill, or somehow ended up in the ocean, but to immediately make a direct connection between a straw used in a restaurant and litter in the ocean seems to infer that somehow every single straw ends up in the ocean, which is obviously not true.

The bigger issue isn't whether you want a straw or not. It's how trash disposal is handled worldwide. Every nation needs to take a good hard look at how it's trash disposal is handled and try to figure out how so much of it ends up in the ocean. Of course natural disasters account for a lot of debris and trash out there, but there are probably some nations that still dump millions of tons of trash at sea.

What's that old saying about penny wise and pound foolish?

I think straws are just the tip of the iceberg in terms of the trash problem.


Trash disposal usually goes to the cheapest contractor that will take it away. If it's cheaper for him to 'loose' it along the way then to pay the fees at the dump, or the recycler isn't paying enough to cover costs, it's gonna happen some of the time.

Why not limit the amount of trash you generate in the first place? Especially if you're just going to trust some low-ball contractor to handle it correctly for you.
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Old 24-07-2019, 11:05   #5906
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Trash disposal usually goes to the cheapest contractor that will take it away. If it's cheaper for him to 'loose' it along the way then to pay the fees at the dump, or the recycler isn't paying enough to cover costs, it's gonna happen some of the time.

Why not limit the amount of trash you generate in the first place? Especially if you're just going to trust some low-ball contractor to handle it correctly for you.
I already do generate far less trash than the average person, far more of an impact than any amount of straws per month.

I do agree that if everyone felt the same way we do about reducing trash output, it would make a huge difference globally, but from what I've seen on my block alone, apparently I'm the only one around here doing anything about it.

I still think the waste disposal companies should be held accountable for their misdeeds, rather than further impositions on the public.
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Old 24-07-2019, 11:46   #5907
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The New Joke Thread

I know this is drifting the joke thread, but it will come back.
I believe that at least as important as the amount of trash, is what the trash is made of.
Vast majority or plastic trash we simply donít need and could be eliminated without a drop in standard of living ,there are of course biodegradable plastics as well.
Itís way past time that most single use plastics ought to be outlawed, I donít need flashlight batteries sealed in an impregnable plastic cocoon, a cardboard box would work just as well, and my breakfast cereal and saltine crackers etc could own wrapped in waved paper.
Product were manufactured and bought and sold before plastic.
Itís sing;e use plastics that are designed trash that I think should be eliminated
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Old 24-07-2019, 11:50   #5908
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Re: The New Joke Thread

My girlfriend freaked out when she found out I have only one kidney.

Who told her to go poking around in my freezer anyway?
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Old 24-07-2019, 11:51   #5909
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Re: The New Joke Thread

How much do s'mores weigh?

At least a couple grahams.
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Old 24-07-2019, 21:29   #5910
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by Buzzman View Post

To understand what this must be like, stick a plastic straw in your nose
They have been stuffing straws up there nose since the ice age, snorkel anyone.....

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