The New Joke Thread

[socaldmax]

Bwhahahaha!!

[senormechanico]

Originally Posted by LakeSuperior

I can't stand idiots that don't know the difference between to and too.

There so stupid.

Your write about that . It makes me loose my mind .

[meridian28]

Me two

[LakeSuperior]

I cooked my British born wife a steak, perfect medium rare.

She said, I like it well done.

I said thanks.

[LakeSuperior]

First date

Girl: "So, what do you do in life?"

Guy: "Well, I'm currently trying to eliminate all cancers!"

Girl: "Oh my god, that's amazing!"

Guy: "Thanks! So, what's your sign?"

[socaldmax]

[socaldmax]

I'm a standin on a corner in Winslow, Arizona,
such a fine site to see,

[LakeSuperior]

My son told me he wanted to be an oyster shucker when he grew up.

Needless to say I thought it was a shellfish ambition.

[LakeSuperior]

I've lost 20% of my couch.

Ouch!

[Eigenvector]

Originally Posted by socaldmax

I'm a standin on a corner in Winslow, Arizona,
such a fine site to see,

Didn't they also sing "Billy, don't be a hero"

[AKA-None]

Originally Posted by Eigenvector

Didn't they also sing "Billy, don't be a hero"

You misheard it’s “billy goat be a hero “

[sailormed]

Difference in observation skills male/female.


Last week, sitting in my car at the trafic light, waiting for it to turn green.
A woman is crossing over the pedestrian crossing in front of the car.
When she finished crossing I say: Did you saw she had fake boobs?
My wife: No, I only saw she had a fake Vuitton handbag.
Score 1-1

[socaldmax]

I'm not sure who's funnier, the mother or the kid!

[socaldmax]

Originally Posted by LakeSuperior

I cooked my British born wife a steak, perfect medium rare.

She said, I like it well done.

I said thanks.

I took a beautiful British born lady out on 2 dates, on the 2nd date she told me she couldn't eat anything cooked over a flame or on a grill, all meat had to be well done.

I never called her again.

[Buzzman]

I usually ask how they like their steak - before going on the first date..!!

I like mine blue, so anything more than rare is a non-starter.

They can't or won't cook it right, and if they can't cook you a steak, what use are they?

[Tongue very firmly in cheek...]