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Old 22-06-2019, 12:19   #5716
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Bwhahahaha!!
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Old 22-06-2019, 12:36   #5717
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by LakeSuperior View Post
I can't stand idiots that don't know the difference between to and too.

There so stupid.
Your write about that . It makes me loose my mind .
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Old 22-06-2019, 13:18   #5718
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Me two
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Old 23-06-2019, 13:25   #5719
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Re: The New Joke Thread

I cooked my British born wife a steak, perfect medium rare.

She said, I like it well done.

I said thanks.
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Old 23-06-2019, 13:27   #5720
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Re: The New Joke Thread

First date

Girl: "So, what do you do in life?"

Guy: "Well, I'm currently trying to eliminate all cancers!"

Girl: "Oh my god, that's amazing!"

Guy: "Thanks! So, what's your sign?"
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Old 23-06-2019, 13:31   #5721
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 23-06-2019, 19:07   #5722
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Re: The New Joke Thread

I'm a standin on a corner in Winslow, Arizona,
such a fine site to see,

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Old 24-06-2019, 06:12   #5723
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Re: The New Joke Thread

My son told me he wanted to be an oyster shucker when he grew up.

Needless to say I thought it was a shellfish ambition.
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Old 24-06-2019, 06:14   #5724
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Re: The New Joke Thread

I've lost 20% of my couch.

Ouch!
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Old 24-06-2019, 06:44   #5725
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by socaldmax View Post
I'm a standin on a corner in Winslow, Arizona,
such a fine site to see,

Didn't they also sing "Billy, don't be a hero"
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Old 24-06-2019, 13:36   #5726
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by Eigenvector View Post
Didn't they also sing "Billy, don't be a hero"


You misheard it’s “billy goat be a hero “
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Old 24-06-2019, 13:46   #5727
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Difference in observation skills male/female.


Last week, sitting in my car at the trafic light, waiting for it to turn green.
A woman is crossing over the pedestrian crossing in front of the car.
When she finished crossing I say: Did you saw she had fake boobs?
My wife: No, I only saw she had a fake Vuitton handbag.
Score 1-1
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Old 24-06-2019, 18:10   #5728
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Re: The New Joke Thread

I'm not sure who's funnier, the mother or the kid!

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Old 24-06-2019, 18:17   #5729
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by LakeSuperior View Post
I cooked my British born wife a steak, perfect medium rare.

She said, I like it well done.

I said thanks.
I took a beautiful British born lady out on 2 dates, on the 2nd date she told me she couldn't eat anything cooked over a flame or on a grill, all meat had to be well done.

I never called her again.
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Old 24-06-2019, 18:24   #5730
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Re: The New Joke Thread

I usually ask how they like their steak - before going on the first date..!!

I like mine blue, so anything more than rare is a non-starter.

They can't or won't cook it right, and if they can't cook you a steak, what use are they?

[Tongue very firmly in cheek...]
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