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Old 14-06-2019, 22:55   #5656
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Re: The New Joke Thread

In other words, it's like having sex in a canoe....
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F***ing close to water....
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Old 15-06-2019, 07:43   #5657
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Re: The New Joke Thread

I remember an Australia where once an hour outside the capital cities the **only** coffee you could get was Nescafe.

Describing the process of making real coffee (like grinding up the beans?) would get you stared at open-jawed as if you'd just arrived from Mars.

Until you found a town with greek or italian, maybe yugoslav immigrants, Coober Pedy the underground motel had real coffee. . .
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Old 15-06-2019, 08:03   #5658
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Well, for a start, it wouldn't be an 'Australian bar' as we don't refer to sweets as "candy" - that is a purely North American term.

Here it's known as a 'chocolate bar'.

Perhaps, walking into a bar with a Mel-Gibson-iconic-mariner-film on his head?

Nah. Doesn't work, does it...??
I think I might like Australians, if only we spoke the same language.
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Old 15-06-2019, 10:27   #5659
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Best hospital sign ever
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Old 15-06-2019, 11:58   #5660
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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I think I might like Australians, if only we spoke the same language.
https://youtu.be/upnrXooMh4s
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Old 15-06-2019, 12:43   #5661
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Ref one of the comments above.

We're reaching the point where we need to relocate for health reasons with my wife. Options?

USA, since I'm an American citizen.
Austria, since that's where we both maintain legal residency.
Bavaria, since my wife is a German citizen.

Discussions went back and forth. Decent medical care vs costs of same. Quality of life. Cost of living. Political climate. Climate climate. etc..

Then my wife played the trump card. (Not THAT trump.)


Bavaria has the best beer. And it's served in decent sized mugs.
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Old 15-06-2019, 12:49   #5662
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Is that what the Dr. prescribed?
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Old 15-06-2019, 12:58   #5663
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Imagine retiring in Bavaria.

(Notice all the fresh fruits and vegetables? Dr. prescribed.)
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Old 16-06-2019, 08:30   #5664
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 16-06-2019, 08:32   #5665
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 16-06-2019, 18:09   #5666
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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I think I might like Australians, if only we spoke the same language.
Yeah, likewise. You guys DO talk funny....!?!

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Old 16-06-2019, 19:54   #5667
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Re: The New Joke Thread

I was eating breakfast at a hole in the wall in the middle of the Nevada desert. With my travel buddy who was from Germany. One customer to another. I met this couple from New Zealand. And they were really nice! And they spoke really good English!
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Old 16-06-2019, 20:23   #5668
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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...and for the record, a 'chocolate bar' is neither an erect black penis, nor is it an establishment that serves chocolate beverages.

For some reason, that is called a 'coffee shop'....

Go figure.

Must work though, as apparently "Aussie coffee shops" are a 'thing' in New York and such places.

Although, to be fair, that might have something to do with that brown-coloured beverage Americans call 'coffee' which, to a European or Australian, accustomed to espresso, is about as close to coffee as the pale, insipid liquid Americans refer to as 'beer' is to that product.
You sent us Foster's and you have the gall to complain about our beer?
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Old 16-06-2019, 20:28   #5669
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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You sent us Foster's and you have the gall to complain about our beer?
Fair comment
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Old 16-06-2019, 20:51   #5670
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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You sent us Foster's and you have the gall to complain about our beer?
Mate, there's a reason they had to export it.....

So if you were silly enough to drink it, just remember that only a few 'Mexicans' ever drank it over here!

[Mexicans, in this context, being Victorians from the perspective of a New South Welshman - they being from 'south of the border']
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