The New Joke Thread

[wolfgal]

Originally Posted by HopCar

Pirate walked into an Australian bar with candy on his head...

am laughing my ass off....

[meridian28]

[CatNewBee]

Originally Posted by meridian28

Attachment 193693

Cool, will buy some for the admiral...

[Tayana42]

Originally Posted by meridian28

Attachment 193693

Are those fenders for your bumpers or bumpers for your fenders?

[dfelsent]

I saw this in a grocery store parking lot. Really.
It was awesome.

[StuM]

This one from Singularity in another thread deserves to be here:

[Dave_S]

Something

[GordMay]

[GordMay]

[GordMay]

[socaldmax]

You guys can relate...

[Therapy]

How was I born?
A 10-years old girl asks her Mom: "Mummy, how was I born?"
The Mother smiles a replies: "Once upon a time, me and your Daddy had a wonderful time so we decided to plant a little seed.
Daddy put it in the earth and I took very good care of it every single day. After a while the seed started to grow more and more leaves and in a few months, the seed turned into a beautiful and healthy plant.
So we took the plant, dried it, smoked it and then we got so high that we X'ed without a condom."??? ����

[Buzzman]

Originally Posted by HopCar

Pirate walked into an Australian bar with candy on his head...

Well, for a start, it wouldn't be an 'Australian bar' as we don't refer to sweets as "candy" - that is a purely North American term.

Here it's known as a 'chocolate bar'.

Perhaps, walking into a bar with a Mel-Gibson-iconic-mariner-film on his head?

Nah. Doesn't work, does it...??

[john61ct]

pirate stops into a pub, bowls up to the bar with a chokkie on his loaf, barman asks. . .

Ah, I miss me Cherry Ripes!

psst, don't google a "rusty bounty", nor ask how I learnt about them!

[Buzzman]

...and for the record, a 'chocolate bar' is neither an erect black penis, nor is it an establishment that serves chocolate beverages.

For some reason, that is called a 'coffee shop'....

Go figure.

Must work though, as apparently "Aussie coffee shops" are a 'thing' in New York and such places.

Although, to be fair, that might have something to do with that brown-coloured beverage Americans call 'coffee' which, to a European or Australian, accustomed to espresso, is about as close to coffee as the pale, insipid liquid Americans refer to as 'beer' is to that product.