The New Joke Thread

[Tayana42]

I often sail to Catalina Island off the coast of Southern California. At Two Harbors I’ve noticed large numbers of big black birds that roost in the trees and aggressively pick at food scraps. I asked a knowledgeable worker there if they were ravens or crows. This is what he explained to me.

Most people think the difference is that ravens are bigger than crows but that isn’t always the case. If you look carefully you can see that ravens tails are rounded and crows are straight across. That is because crows have an even number of pinion feathers in their tails and ravens have an uneven number of tail feathers. Therefore, the difference between a raven and a crow is ...a matter of a pinion.

[delmarrey]

Isn’t it an oxymoron that one can be a hailed bumbling idiot, and next a evil mastermind.

That is politics, and that’s no joke!

[john61ct]

There is a large variety of human facilities falsely lumped together under the "intelligence" umbrella.

And ethics even more so, in politics unfortunately that usually just depends on whose ox is getting gored.

[socaldmax]

Igor, who lives in Moscow, was watching the national weather forecast and was kind of surprised to see that the forecast for the next day in Siberia was going to be -60*C.

The next morning, he called his good friend Andrei in Siberia and asked him what the temperature was. Andrei replied, "It's about -40*C." Igor was relieved, and told his good friend, "Yesterday, they forecast -60*C in Siberia."


"Oh," said Andrei, "they must have been talking about outside."

[StuM]

Originally Posted by socaldmax

Igor, who lives in Moscow, was watching the national weather forecast and was kind of surprised to see that the forecast for the next day in Siberia was going to be -60*C.

The next morning, he called his good friend Andrei in Siberia and asked him what the temperature was. Andrei replied, "It's about -40*C." Igor was relieved, and told his good friend, "Yesterday, they forecast -60*C in Siberia."


"Oh," said Andrei, "they must have been talking about outside."

"It's like déjà vu all over again."


It's got colder in the last week:

http://www.cruisersforum.com/forums/...ml#post2895047

[john61ct]

even nostalgia ain't what it used to be

[socaldmax]

Originally Posted by StuM

"It's like déjà vu all over again."


It's got colder in the last week:

http://www.cruisersforum.com/forums/...ml#post2895047

That was two other Russian guys, talking about the weather a week earlier.

[john61ct]

The future ain’t what it used to be either

[LakeSuperior]

Two melons are madly in love.

But they are completely broke, so they can't elope.

[LakeSuperior]

Being vegan is wrong!

I think it’s a huge missed steak.

[GordMay]

Pro Tip: In the event of a hurricane, tornado or other such natural disaster, place wieners and/or cheese slices in your pockets, so the search dogs find you first.

[MartinR]

Originally Posted by GordMay

Pro Tip: In the event of a hurricane, tornado or other such natural disaster, place wieners and/or cheese slices in your pockets, so the search dogs find you first.

[D&D]

Ethnic/national expressions...(allegedly! )…

BOSNIA
The eyes of cheats are always full of tears.

GERMANY
A lean agreement is better than a fat lawsuit.

CONGO
A cat goes to a monastery , but she still remains a cat.

HAITI
Don’t insult the alligator until you’ve crossed the river.

JEWISH
Poverty is a wonderful thing. It sticks to a man after all his friends have forsaken him.

HEBREW
Don’t approach a goat from the front, a horse from the back, or a fool from any side.

INDIA
The cobra will bite you whether you call it Cobra or Mr. Cobra.

IRELAND
He who gets a name for early rising can stay in bed until midday.

ITALY
Between saying and doing, many a pair of shoes is worn out.

JAMAICA
When you go to a donkey’s house, don’t talk about ears.

CHINA
Don’t insult the waiter until you have finished your meal.

AUSTRALIA
When you are 20 you care what everyone thinks, when you are 60 no one gives a s**t either way.

[GordMay]

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

[Eigenvector]

No title, don' want to ruin it.................

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fCE7eR2sCPw