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Old 31-05-2019, 08:20   #5596
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Re: The New Joke Thread

I often sail to Catalina Island off the coast of Southern California. At Two Harbors Iíve noticed large numbers of big black birds that roost in the trees and aggressively pick at food scraps. I asked a knowledgeable worker there if they were ravens or crows. This is what he explained to me.

Most people think the difference is that ravens are bigger than crows but that isnít always the case. If you look carefully you can see that ravens tails are rounded and crows are straight across. That is because crows have an even number of pinion feathers in their tails and ravens have an uneven number of tail feathers. Therefore, the difference between a raven and a crow is ...a matter of a pinion.
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Old 31-05-2019, 08:47   #5597
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Isnít it an oxymoron that one can be a hailed bumbling idiot, and next a evil mastermind.

That is politics, and thatís no joke!
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Old 31-05-2019, 09:24   #5598
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Re: The New Joke Thread

There is a large variety of human facilities falsely lumped together under the "intelligence" umbrella.

And ethics even more so, in politics unfortunately that usually just depends on whose ox is getting gored.
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Old 31-05-2019, 17:20   #5599
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Igor, who lives in Moscow, was watching the national weather forecast and was kind of surprised to see that the forecast for the next day in Siberia was going to be -60*C.

The next morning, he called his good friend Andrei in Siberia and asked him what the temperature was. Andrei replied, "It's about -40*C." Igor was relieved, and told his good friend, "Yesterday, they forecast -60*C in Siberia."


"Oh," said Andrei, "they must have been talking about outside."
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Old 31-05-2019, 17:52   #5600
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by socaldmax View Post
Igor, who lives in Moscow, was watching the national weather forecast and was kind of surprised to see that the forecast for the next day in Siberia was going to be -60*C.

The next morning, he called his good friend Andrei in Siberia and asked him what the temperature was. Andrei replied, "It's about -40*C." Igor was relieved, and told his good friend, "Yesterday, they forecast -60*C in Siberia."


"Oh," said Andrei, "they must have been talking about outside."

"It's like dťjŗ vu all over again."


It's got colder in the last week:

http://www.cruisersforum.com/forums/...ml#post2895047
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Old 31-05-2019, 18:04   #5601
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Re: The New Joke Thread

even nostalgia ain't what it used to be
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Old 31-05-2019, 21:10   #5602
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by StuM View Post
"It's like dťjŗ vu all over again."


It's got colder in the last week:

http://www.cruisersforum.com/forums/...ml#post2895047
That was two other Russian guys, talking about the weather a week earlier.
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Old 31-05-2019, 21:18   #5603
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Re: The New Joke Thread

The future ainít what it used to be either
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Old 02-06-2019, 06:57   #5604
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Two melons are madly in love.

But they are completely broke, so they can't elope.
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Old 02-06-2019, 06:58   #5605
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Being vegan is wrong!

I think itís a huge missed steak.
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Old 02-06-2019, 07:36   #5606
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Pro Tip: In the event of a hurricane, tornado or other such natural disaster, place wieners and/or cheese slices in your pockets, so the search dogs find you first.
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Old 02-06-2019, 07:53   #5607
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Pro Tip: In the event of a hurricane, tornado or other such natural disaster, place wieners and/or cheese slices in your pockets, so the search dogs find you first.
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Old 02-06-2019, 15:10   #5608
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Ethnic/national expressions...(allegedly!

BOSNIA
The eyes of cheats are always full of tears.

GERMANY
A lean agreement is better than a fat lawsuit.

CONGO
A cat goes to a monastery , but she still remains a cat.

HAITI
Donít insult the alligator until youíve crossed the river.

JEWISH
Poverty is a wonderful thing. It sticks to a man after all his friends have forsaken him.

HEBREW
Donít approach a goat from the front, a horse from the back, or a fool from any side.

INDIA
The cobra will bite you whether you call it Cobra or Mr. Cobra.

IRELAND
He who gets a name for early rising can stay in bed until midday.

ITALY
Between saying and doing, many a pair of shoes is worn out.

JAMAICA
When you go to a donkeyís house, donít talk about ears.

CHINA
Donít insult the waiter until you have finished your meal.

AUSTRALIA
When you are 20 you care what everyone thinks, when you are 60 no one gives a s**t either way.
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Old 02-06-2019, 15:12   #5609
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Re: The New Joke Thread

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
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Old 03-06-2019, 07:28   #5610
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Re: The New Joke Thread

No title, don' want to ruin it.................


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