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Old 14-10-2015, 09:15   #526
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by StuM View Post
Edit:
OK, I get in. Yep, it's a cultural thing.

You'll get in? I think she already has enough kids.


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Old 14-10-2015, 09:44   #527
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Remember; accidents cause people.

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Old 14-10-2015, 13:22   #528
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Re: The New Joke Thread

A group of buddies, all in their 50's, discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally, it was agreed that they would meet at Hooters because all the waitresses were young and good looking.

Ten years later at 60+, they discussed where they would meet for lunch and they decided at Hooters because the food was good and they had plenty of parking.

Ten years later at 70+, They again discussed where they would meet for lunch and they decided on Hooters because it was handicap accessible and had a toilet for the disabled.

Ten years later at 80+ they discussed where they would meet for lunch and they decided on Hooters because they had never been there before.
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Old 14-10-2015, 14:43   #529
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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I'm surprised that didn't end up in a 15 page dissertation on fertility rates over the last 100 years in industrialized vs developing nations taking into account social and religious resistance to birth control, condom defect rates per 1,000, nutritional factors, socio-economic pressure to have large families contrasted against college educated single child or childless families and welfare incentives to increase income and how all of that relates to one's choice to procreate, resultant weekend social activities and choice of family vehicle.

First, we must define the terminology...

"Soccer Mom"
Now that's a good one!

Seems like you're getting to know me
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Old 14-10-2015, 14:45   #530
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by a64pilot View Post
Come on Stu, it's not that early is it?
Actually, it was late evening for me and after a couple of
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Old 14-10-2015, 16:44   #531
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by StuM View Post
Actually, it was late evening for me and after a couple of

Just kidding, it's usually me that is wondering what the punch line is


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Old 15-10-2015, 01:42   #532
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Re: The New Joke Thread

[QUOTE=goat;1937217]Remember; accidents cause people.

I think yours and mine should be put together.. Im not sure why but it confuses me.

Condoms prevent minivans and accidents cause people soooo??? What.. My brain hurts.
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Old 15-10-2015, 15:29   #533
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Re: Best Memory - Temperate or Tropical

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Originally Posted by Pelagic View Post
So, what are the Lap Dances like in Lappland?
Sorry couldn't resist
substitute camel for reindeer.................

A Captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out back of the enlisted men's barracks. He asked the Sergeant leading the tour, "What's the camel for?"

The Sergeant replied, "Well sir it's a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do, uh, we have the camel."

The captain said, "Well if it's good for morale, then I guess it's all right with me."

After he had been at the fort for about 6 months the captain could not stand it any more so he told his Sergeant, "BRING IN THE CAMEL!!!"

The sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the captain's quarters. The captain got a footstool and proceeded to have vigorous sex with the camel. As he stepped, satisfied, down from the stool, and was buttoning his pants he asked the Sergeant, "Is that how the enlisted men do it?"

The Sergeant replied, "Well sir, they usually just use it to ride to town and pick up women..."
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Old 15-10-2015, 23:31   #534
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Re: The New Joke Thread

[QUOTE=justlearnin;1937782]
Quote:
Originally Posted by goat View Post
Remember; accidents cause people.

I think yours and mine should be put together.. Im not sure why but it confuses me.

Condoms prevent minivans and accidents cause people soooo??? What.. My brain hurts.
Maybe this will help clarify:

Kids in the backseat cause accidents. Accidents in the backseat cause kids.

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Old 15-10-2015, 23:53   #535
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Re: The New Joke Thread

I'm still looking for the part that is supposed to be funny.
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Old 16-10-2015, 01:26   #536
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Re: The New Joke Thread

I was recently turned down on my application for an Australian green card, on account of my criminal record.
Bit ironic, is it not?
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Old 16-10-2015, 01:27   #537
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Re: The New Joke Thread

So the world's tallest building has been opened in Dubai, with the world's highest Mosque within it.

Anyone here a pilot?
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Old 16-10-2015, 01:30   #538
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Sometimes I try to mandelbrot long words into my jokes, even if I don't know what they mean.
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Old 16-10-2015, 01:34   #539
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Re: The New Joke Thread

I hate double standards. Like if a girl goes out and sleeps with loads of guys she's considered "easy".

Yet if a guy does it he's considered a "homosexual".
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Old 16-10-2015, 01:37   #540
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Santa always seems to be in a jolly good mood. That's because he knows where all the "bad" girls live.
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