The New Joke Thread

[StuM]

A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."
The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
--------------------
Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.
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[Adelie]

Originally Posted by carstenb

HI Stu



Care to explain? ONce the car achieves the speed of light (the fastest speed possible in the known universe) turning on the headlights will have no effect since light cannot travel faster than light (And it doesn't matter that the platform from which the light is trying to emit is already going that speed, as noted with the air inside the car and sound).



Light can't "jumpstart" by being in a vehicle that is already going at lightspeed and therefore when the headlights are turned on the light will be going at twice the speed of light.



I readily admit to not being a physicist - but I'm generally not completely lost behind the wagon, so I'd really like to know

Because the rate at which time advances changes for people or objects in an accelerated frame of reference. However fast you are going if you measure the speed of light in a vacuum it will be the same whether you measure it in the direction you are traveling, opposite that direction or cross-wise.


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[LakeSuperior]

How does experimentalist physicist tell if a lady is ticklish?

He gives her a test tickle.

[Pelagic]

Shall we rename this

...'The Nerds Joke Thread'.....:

Cant wait until we get into the big bang theory.......

[LakeSuperior]

An old favorite and classic appropriate for this point in the time-space continuum.

Relativity.

There was a young lady named Bright
Whose speed was far faster than light;
She set out one day
In a relative way
And returned on the previous night.

[Seaworthy Lass]

In case any chemists are feeling left out:

A chemistry teacher is recruited as a radio operator in the first world war. He soon becomes familiar with the military habit of abbreviating everything. As his unit comes under sustained attack, he is asked to urgently inform his HQ. "NaCl over NaOH!" he transmits.

"NaCl over NaOH?" shouts his officer. "What do you mean?"
"The base is under a salt!" came the reply.

[LakeSuperior]

Originally Posted by Seaworthy Lass

In case any chemists are feeling left out:

A chemistry teacher is recruited as a radio operator in the first world war. He soon becomes familiar with the military habit of abbreviating everything. As his unit comes under sustained attack, he is asked to urgently inform his HQ. "NaCl over NaOH!" he transmits.

"NaCl over NaOH?" shouts his officer. "What do you mean?"
"The base is under a salt!" came the reply.

You're killing me!!!!! Nice.

[jeepbluetj]

There are 10 kinds of people in this world, those who understand binary, and those who don’t.

[StuM]

To get off the technical jokes for a while:

There are three kinds of people in the world:

1. Those who tell you everything they know

[GILow]

From Douglas Adams, Hitchhiker series:

I teleported home one night with Ron and Sid and Meg

Ron stole Meggie's heart away and I got Sidney's leg




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[motion30]

Two gerbils we're standing outside of a gay bar, under both looked at the other and ask do you want to go in and get s*** faced

[Pelagic]

LOL :thumbup:

[LakeSuperior]

Bear with me on this one!

A scientist interested in all things avian became obsessed with the ways in which seagull biology interacted with that of other mammalian physiology.

This rather strange-minded individual found that by feeding live seagulls to porpoises he could make the fishlike mammals live forever.

As it were, when he was out collecting more seagulls for his non-environmentally sound experiments, a lion escaped from the local zoo and took up residence in his driveway. Upon returning and finding the lion rather docile, the scientist jumped over the lion (bearing his cage of soon-to-be-porpoise-food) with the intent of proceeding to his laboratory.

A police officer happening by witnessed this and immediately arrested the scientist.

The charge: Transporting gulls across a staid lion for immortal porpoises

[carstenb]

Originally Posted by LakeSuperior

Bear with me on this one!

A scientist interested in all things avian became obsessed with the ways in which seagull biology interacted with that of other mammalian physiology.

This rather strange-minded individual found that by feeding live seagulls to porpoises he could make the fishlike mammals live forever.

As it were, when he was out collecting more seagulls for his non-environmentally sound experiments, a lion escaped from the local zoo and took up residence in his driveway. Upon returning and finding the lion rather docile, the scientist jumped over the lion (bearing his cage of soon-to-be-porpoise-food) with the intent of proceeding to his laboratory.

A police officer happening by witnessed this and immediately arrested the scientist.

The charge: Transporting gulls across a staid lion for immortal porpoises

[Adelie]

There are two types of people in the world:

Those who think there are 2 types of people,

and those that don't.