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Old 29-03-2019, 20:35   #4906
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 29-03-2019, 20:35   #4907
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Old 29-03-2019, 23:02   #4908
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Re: The New Joke Thread

A robot with a heart matey..Cyborg Pirate
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Old 29-03-2019, 23:45   #4909
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Trapeze plan going strong.
If you want to ballast stand overboard while my teenage daughter takes the sheet, be our guest.
If she does not come, take the sheet and watch the main dance.

Assist to steer hits into swell.
If I have to put up with another
Sheet, "we are coming about"
Helm, " know we are knot, "
Sheet, " port ho,"

Then stance during dance will be a Lee Ward dragon.
Maybe I'm just crazy.. Probably a basic cruiser rig and much less hassle.

Boo. A skinny 24 foot skiff with cruiser luxuries.
Cyborg pirate
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Old 30-03-2019, 00:19   #4910
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Re: The New Joke Thread

A true reach.

A true lie
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Old 30-03-2019, 07:03   #4911
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Re: The New Joke Thread

While in port I went in to a liquor store. The employee asked me "Do you need help?

I said "Yes, but I'm going to get whiskey instead"
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Old 30-03-2019, 07:05   #4912
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Re: The New Joke Thread

My wife claims I'm using alcohol as a crutch.

I told her to stop being naive, crutches help you walk.
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Old 30-03-2019, 07:06   #4913
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Re: The New Joke Thread

My ex divorced me because she said I treated her like a maid.

But even the judge agreed that she should keep the house.
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Old 30-03-2019, 09:59   #4914
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Re: The New Joke Thread

“On the Trans-Atlantic Single-handed Race, Mr Owen Smithers has been disqualified, for using both hands.” ~ Heikki Luoma
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Old 30-03-2019, 14:15   #4915
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 30-03-2019, 14:18   #4916
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Having more money doesn't make you happier. I have $50 million, but I'm just as happy as when I had $48 million. ~ Arnold Schwarzenegger
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Old 30-03-2019, 14:18   #4917
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Re: The New Joke Thread

If life were fair, Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead.
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Old 30-03-2019, 14:23   #4918
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Men are like linoleum floors. Lay 'em right and you can walk all over them for 30 years. ~ Betsy Salkind
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Old 30-03-2019, 14:25   #4919
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Re: The New Joke Thread

I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.
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Old 30-03-2019, 15:54   #4920
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Wise Italian Grandfather

Why Italian Fathers and Grandfathers pass their handguns down through the family.

An old Italian man is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside, Guido, I wan' you lissina me.

I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated .38 revolver so you will always remember me."

"But grandpa, I really don't like guns.. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?"

"You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife,

lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos. "

"Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man.

"Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, 'times up' "?
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