Cruisers Forum
 


Join CruisersForum Today

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Rating: Thread Rating: 5 votes, 4.80 average. Display Modes
Old 09-03-2019, 18:13   #4711
Registered User
 
CptCrunchie's Avatar

Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Sequim, WA
Posts: 284
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by delmarrey View Post
Valerie was in the fertilized egg business.

She had several hundred young pullets and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.
Reminds me of a guy I met a few years back when I was selling real estate. He bought this rather large acreage with three very large buildings on it. Said he was going to raise chickens.

The day the deal closed, a big truck arrived with 10,000 pullets! I was impressed.

Six months later, I saw that the property was back for sale, so I stopped in.

"What happened?" I asked.

"I donno, but I'm outa business," he replied with a mystifying look on his face. "I just can't figure it. I must have planted 'em too close together or too deep."
__________________

CptCrunchie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-03-2019, 18:29   #4712
Registered User
 
CptCrunchie's Avatar

Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Sequim, WA
Posts: 284
Re: The New Joke Thread

Under the too real to be fake,.....

I was driving home very late the other night. It was drizzling and cold, and barely a car on the road. As I pulled up to a stop light, a younger man in a grey hoodie and a tan backpack waved his thumb at me, requesting a ride. I felt for him, so I signaled him to get in.

As we took off down the road, in a quite serious tone, he asked, "Why did you pick me up? You know, I COULD be a serial killer."

It hit me quite funny. But in my typical deadpan demeanor, I turned my head and looked him up and down, then began to snicker.

"What is so funny?" He asked?

"Seriously," I attested, "how likely would it be that there would be two series killers in the same car?"

Dead silence.

He jumped out at the next light and ran like hell.

Strange, I thought hitchhiking was illegal in our state.
__________________

CptCrunchie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-03-2019, 19:33   #4713
D&D
Marine Service Provider
 
D&D's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Blue Mountains, Australia
Boat: now skippering Syd Harbour charters
Posts: 1,543
Re: The New Joke Thread

Little Truisms

* The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.

* Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.

* If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all.

* Seat belts are not as confining as wheel-chairs.

* A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.

* How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?

* Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.

* Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks.

* Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job.

* No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car.

* There are no new sins....the old ones just get more publicity.

* There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 AM. It could be a right number.

* Think about this... No one ever says It's only a game when his team is winning.

* I've reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.

* Be careful reading the fine print. There's no way you're going to like it.

* The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.

* Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?

* Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than in a Yugo.
D&D is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-03-2019, 08:08   #4714
Registered User
 
Therapy's Avatar

Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: W Florida
Boat: 28 yo Jon boat still
Posts: 7,025
Images: 4
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fiveslide View Post
My wife was an ER nurse, it's a damn miracle she didn't leave me for one of the many doctors that tried to date her.

And a joke...

What do you get when an elephant and a rhino mate?


Elephino!
In the past - the 80s - 50% of nursing students were there just to capture a doctor. I don't know of the present statistic.
__________________
Who knows what is next.
Therapy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-03-2019, 10:50   #4715
Registered User
 
LakeSuperior's Avatar

Join Date: Jan 2008
Boat: Teak Yawl, 37'
Posts: 2,493
Images: 7
Re: The New Joke Thread

I collected a lot of data trying to disprove observation bias.

The results were exactly what I expected.
LakeSuperior is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-03-2019, 10:52   #4716
Registered User
 
LakeSuperior's Avatar

Join Date: Jan 2008
Boat: Teak Yawl, 37'
Posts: 2,493
Images: 7
Re: The New Joke Thread

My friend is making a lot of money by selling photos of salmon dressed up in human clothes...

Its like shooting fish in apparel...
LakeSuperior is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-03-2019, 20:57   #4717
Senior Cruiser
 
delmarrey's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Philippines
Boat: Its in French Polynesia now
Posts: 11,206
Images: 122
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Therapy View Post
In the past - the 80s - 50% of nursing students were there just to capture a doctor. I don't know of the present statistic.
I believe the same was for colleges too. Trying to find husbands. The women's movement has changed that these days. Now women want to become politicians.
__________________
Faithful are the Wounds of a Friend, but the Kisses of the Enemy are Deceitful! ........
The measure of a man is how he navigates to a proper shore in the mist of a storm!
delmarrey is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-03-2019, 17:42   #4718
Registered User
 
svmariane's Avatar

Join Date: May 2007
Location: On the hard due to wife's medical condition.
Boat: Sold, alas, because life happens.
Posts: 1,832
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Therapy View Post
In the past - the 80s - 50% of nursing students were there just to capture a doctor. I don't know of the present statistic.
Strange. Nursing students sort of ignored those of us going through corpsman training. Maybe because corpsman (paramedic) is harder to spell than Doctor, or doesn't have that certain "je ne sais quoi"? Certainly not because of the pay disparity, right?
Attached Thumbnails
Click image for larger version

Name:	corpsman.jpg
Views:	194
Size:	76.4 KB
ID:	187810  
__________________
"Being offended is not the same thing as being right." Dave Barry.
Laughter is the salve that keeps reality from scaring.
\_(ツ)_/
svmariane is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-03-2019, 21:46   #4719
Registered User
 
chris mac's Avatar

Join Date: May 2015
Location: edmonton alberta
Boat: 1992 lagoon 42 tpi
Posts: 861
Re: The New Joke Thread

Little Johny and little Sally are the final two contestants in the spelling contest. Little Sally steps forward for her turn and the teacher tells her the word to spell is castle.
Sally says c..a..s..l..e
The teacher says, no I'm sorry the proper spelling is c.a.s.t.l.e
Little Johny, if you spell your word properly, you win.
Your word is seaward.
Little Johny stares at his teacher strangely for a moment, shrugs his shoulders, then starts...
C..U..N..
THATS ENOUGH!!! interrupts the teacher
chris mac is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 12-03-2019, 01:37   #4720
Registered User

Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Canaveral
Posts: 400
Re: The New Joke Thread

Ohhh I finally get it

Little Johnny is a dirty boy... and so is little Chris Mac
makobuilders is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-03-2019, 03:46   #4721
Senior Cruiser
 
delmarrey's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Philippines
Boat: Its in French Polynesia now
Posts: 11,206
Images: 122
Re: The New Joke Thread

Well, at least it wasn't inward.......
__________________
Faithful are the Wounds of a Friend, but the Kisses of the Enemy are Deceitful! ........
The measure of a man is how he navigates to a proper shore in the mist of a storm!
delmarrey is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-03-2019, 08:35   #4722
Registered User
 
LakeSuperior's Avatar

Join Date: Jan 2008
Boat: Teak Yawl, 37'
Posts: 2,493
Images: 7
Re: The New Joke Thread

My girlfriend is like pi plus the square root of negative one.

Complex, irrational and barely more than a 3.
LakeSuperior is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-03-2019, 08:37   #4723
Registered User
 
LakeSuperior's Avatar

Join Date: Jan 2008
Boat: Teak Yawl, 37'
Posts: 2,493
Images: 7
Re: The New Joke Thread

A nurse met with an accident and was brought to the hospital. Her injuries are not severe, but the surgeon opts for general anesthesia anyway. Just as he was about to complete the minor surgery, the patient wakes up, in shock, and would like to know what is going on.

Im just about to close the nasty gash, the surgeon said.

The patient got paranoid and said, Im not going to let you do that. Im a senior nurse, I can close my own wound.

The surgeon hands her the thread and said, Suture self.
LakeSuperior is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-03-2019, 09:01   #4724
Registered User
 
CptCrunchie's Avatar

Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Sequim, WA
Posts: 284
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by LakeSuperior View Post
My girlfriend is like pi plus the square root of negative one.

Complex, irrational and barely more than a 3.
LMAO!!! That's funny! Here's a too true to be fiction.

This reminds me of a 60th wedding anniversary party I went to. When he got up to speak, he said, "People have asked me over the years what brought us together. I tell them, 'She was what I could get for the kind of car I was driving.'"

Everyone laughed hard and loud.

When she spoke, she addressed the same question with, "Hey! He had a CAR!!"

60 years!

This is my third. When people ask me what happened to the first two, I tell them, "The wheels fell off, so I left them by the side of the road."

Guess I should have paid more attention to the car I was driving.
CptCrunchie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-03-2019, 16:25   #4725
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 6,045
Re: The New Joke Thread

__________________

socaldmax is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

« SSSSM - Part Deux | - »
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Advertise Here


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:06.


Google+
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Social Knowledge Networks
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

ShowCase vBulletin Plugins by Drive Thru Online, Inc.