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Old 26-02-2019, 16:30   #4606
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by StuM View Post
I must be a bit thick this morning. Anyone care to explain the joke?
I'm glad you asked first because I don't get it either.
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Old 26-02-2019, 17:00   #4607
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dreaming Yachtsman View Post
I'm glad you asked first because I don't get it either.
Saves me asking
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Old 26-02-2019, 20:56   #4608
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by john61ct View Post
Sounds quite familiar, can't quite put my finger on itAttachment 186671
It's an apeel to keep your hands off the barenakedoranges.
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Old 27-02-2019, 00:56   #4609
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by GordMay View Post
People say I'm quite contrarian.
But I disagree.

I have a theory that itís impossible to prove anything.
But I canít prove it.

I may not be the only egomaniac in the world.
But, Iím the only one who matters.
This evoked Agent Orange / Orange Julius for me, is all
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Old 27-02-2019, 15:20   #4610
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Re: The New Joke Thread

An old man goes to a diner every day for lunch. He always orders the soup du jour. One day the manager asks him how he liked his meal.

The old man replies, in a thick acccent, "Wass goot, but you could give a little more bread."

So the next day the manager tells the waitress to give him four slices of bread. "How was your meal, sir?" the manager asks.


"Wass goot, but you could give a little more bread," comes the reply.

So the next day the manager tells the waitress to give him eight slices of bread. "How was your meal today, sir?" the manager asks.


"Wass goot, but you could give a little more bread," comes the reply.

So ... the next day the manager tells the waitress to give him a whole loaf of bread with his soup.


"How was your meal, sir?" the manager asks, when he comes to pay.

"Wass goot, but you could give just a little more bread," comes the reply once again.

The manager is now obsessed with seeing this customer say that he is satisfied with his meal, so he goes to the bakery,
and orders a six-foot-long loaf of bread. When the man comes in as usual the next day, the waitress and the manager cut the loaf in half, butter the entire length of each half, and lay it out along the counter, right next to his bowl of soup.

The old man sits down, and devours both his bowl of soup, and both halves of the six-foot-long loaf of bread.

The manager now thinks he will get the answer he is looking for, and when the old man comes up to pay for his meal,
the manager asks in the usual way: "How was your meal TODAY, sir?"

The old man replies: "It wass goot as usual, but I see you are back to giving only two slices of bread."
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Old 27-02-2019, 15:48   #4611
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by LakeSuperior View Post
An old man goes to a diner every day for lunch. He always orders the soup du jour. One day the manager asks him how he liked his meal.

The old man replies, in a thick acccent, "Wass goot, but you could give a little more bread."

So the next day the manager tells the waitress to give him four slices of bread. "How was your meal, sir?" the manager asks.


"Wass goot, but you could give a little more bread," comes the reply.

So the next day the manager tells the waitress to give him eight slices of bread. "How was your meal today, sir?" the manager asks.


"Wass goot, but you could give a little more bread," comes the reply.

So ... the next day the manager tells the waitress to give him a whole loaf of bread with his soup.


"How was your meal, sir?" the manager asks, when he comes to pay.

"Wass goot, but you could give just a little more bread," comes the reply once again.

The manager is now obsessed with seeing this customer say that he is satisfied with his meal, so he goes to the bakery,
and orders a six-foot-long loaf of bread. When the man comes in as usual the next day, the waitress and the manager cut the loaf in half, butter the entire length of each half, and lay it out along the counter, right next to his bowl of soup.

The old man sits down, and devours both his bowl of soup, and both halves of the six-foot-long loaf of bread.

The manager now thinks he will get the answer he is looking for, and when the old man comes up to pay for his meal,
the manager asks in the usual way: "How was your meal TODAY, sir?"

The old man replies: "It wass goot as usual, but I see you are back to giving only two slices of bread."
So the lion decides to go vegan. A few days later it was observed doing very well on 3 vegans a day.
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Old 27-02-2019, 17:09   #4612
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Guy goes into a bar orders two drinks.
Bartender says "order one at a time they will stay colder longer"
Guy says "my buddy just went to Iraq. we agreed I would have a drink for him everytime I went into a bar"
Two weeks later guy goes into the same bar and orders one drink.
Bartender gets worried that the guy's buddy is OK in Iraq.
Bartender asks the guy why only one drink and if his buddy, in Iraq, is OK.
Guy looks at the bartender and says "Yeah my buddy is fine...I just quit drinking"
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Old 27-02-2019, 17:13   #4613
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Guy finds a lamp.
Genie gives him one wish but whatever the guy wishes for his ex-wife gets twice as much...
Guy answers...beat me half to death
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Old 27-02-2019, 21:45   #4614
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Re: The New Joke Thread

It's all relative...

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Old 28-02-2019, 01:23   #4615
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Re: The New Joke Thread

global warming takes its toll.. ;-)
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Old 28-02-2019, 18:25   #4616
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Re: The New Joke Thread

IN THE PHILIPPINES
37% humidity or 99% humidity. It all depends on what day it is....
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Old 28-02-2019, 18:28   #4617
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Truth vs Lies
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Old 01-03-2019, 18:31   #4618
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by delmarrey View Post
Truth vs Lies
^^^^ True, that. ^^^^
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Old 01-03-2019, 19:18   #4619
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by svmariane View Post
^^^^ True, that. ^^^^

Does that mean it's a lie?
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Old 01-03-2019, 21:22   #4620
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Re: The New Joke Thread

This is no joke. It's true...

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