The New Joke Thread

[CharlzO]

Originally Posted by Captain Bill

Funny Gord, but in this case the Blonde is right, because Grasshoppers ears are actually located on their legs!

Myths and Misconceptions:

There is a popular misconception that grasshoppers have ears on their legs. In fact, grasshoppers have no external ears, but instead hear by means of an organ called a tympanum. However, the tympanum is indeed located near the base of the grasshopper's hind legs, which likely accounts for this belief. In order to better understand grasshopper hearing, an examination of their anatomy is beneficial.

Close, but no cig-ear!

[StuM]

Originally Posted by GordMay

Why is it that your nose runs, but your feet smell?

You're built upside down!

[StuM]

Originally Posted by Captain Bill

Funny Gord, but in this case the Blonde is right, because Grasshoppers ears are actually located on their legs!

A common misconception

[GordMay]

Originally Posted by Captain Bill

Funny Gord, but in this case the Blonde is right, because Grasshoppers ears are actually located on their legs!

Not really.
There is a popular misconception that grasshoppers have ears on their legs.
Katydids do have their sound detection organs (tympanum) on their front legs.
But, in the grasshopper, the abdominal segment next to the thorax (behind the third pair of legs) contains the grasshopper sound detection organ (also tympanum).
Oops! Stu & Charlz beat me to it.


What do you call a grasshopper with no legs?
A grasshover!

A grasshopper walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you!"
The grasshopper looks surprised and asks, "You have a drink named Steve?"

A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a grasshopper sitting next to him. "Are you a grasshopper?" asked the man, surprised.
"Yes."
"What are you doing at the movies?"
The grasshopper replied, "Well, I liked the book."

[Captain Bill]

My mistake was consulting my wife who was at one time curator of insects at the biology collection at our university, but that was a long time ago. It's crickets that have ears on their legs as pointed out previously. She used to be so dependable about these things. Now I guess I'll have to depend on the internet for answers.

[GordMay]

Originally Posted by Captain Bill

... Now I guess I'll have to depend on the internet for answers.

You don't need the whole internet; just our (CF) small corner of it.
Keep the wife too; she may have other uses.

Two men were talking about their wives
The first man says “My wife is an angel.”
The second man says “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”

[Pelagic]

Can we all imagine what it would be like to be drifting at Sea for months in a lifeboat with Gord as your only companion? [emoji6]

[GordMay]

Two wires were on an ocean cruise when the ship sprung a leak and sank. The solid core wire managed to climb into a lifeboat and head to safety.

The other was stranded.

[Eigenvector]

And to keep the rim shots going............


What do you call a pallbearer in Oklahoma?

Karaoke

[B25Matt]

Originally Posted by Therapy

are there any political math jokes?

The famous politician was try to save both his faces.

Does this count?

[JPA Cate]

^^^^^

Not as a math joke.

A.

[KS_Sailor]

Originally Posted by Eigenvector

And to keep the rim shots going............


What do you call a pallbearer in Oklahoma?

Karaoke

Now that’s funny

[SV_Harbinger]

One day the town drunk, came stumbling towards the tavern, to discover it was closed.
So he starts pounding on the door hollering "I want me half and half! D'yah hear me I want my half and half!" He carries on like this for a while when the tavern owner who live above the tavern opens his window, and yells back "God damn yah Sean can't yah see we're closed!" All the while the drunk keeps up his yelling "I want me half and half!" This keeps up for a while until the Tavern owner goes "fine I'll fetch you your bloody half and half" and goes and fetches the chamber pot, and flings it out the window all over the drunk, and says "There's your bloody half and half, half mine and half me wife's, no go frack yourself, and bugger off"

[SV_Harbinger]

One day a very proud old man was in the hospital, when in the middle of the night he accidentally soiled his bed. Being a proud man he though he couldn't be seen like that so he gathered up his sheets and went to put them in the linen bin, when he thought to himself that won't do as people will still know, so he snuck to the linen closet and got himself new sheets and threw the old sheets out the window, made his bed back up and went to sleep.
Mean while Sean the town drunk was stumbling his way home when the sheets landed on him, and he immediately starts punching and kicking at the sheets and generally making quite a ruckus, which draws the attention of the constable who runs up and finds Sean, sweating and swearing, surrounded by soiled sheets. The constable asked Sean what's the matter you old drunk? To which Sean replies I swear officer I don't know exactly what happened but I'm pretty sure I just beat the **** out of a ghost!

[SV_Harbinger]

Three sailors walked out of a bar..... who am I kidding... they were carried ....