Cruisers Forum
 


Join CruisersForum Today

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Rating: Thread Rating: 5 votes, 4.80 average. Display Modes
Old 02-12-2018, 20:38   #3886
Registered User
 
svmariane's Avatar

Join Date: May 2007
Location: On the hard due to wife's medical condition.
Boat: Sold, alas, because life happens.
Posts: 1,832
Re: The New Joke Thread

#Meanwhile in Cyberspace...

Sometimes, whenever I eat M&Ms, I like to hold two M&M's in between my fingers and squeeze as hard as I can until one M&M cracks. I eat the cracked one, and the one that didn't crack becomes the champion. Then I grab another M&M, and force it to compete with the champion in this deadly game of M&M gladiators. I do this until I run out of M&M's, and when there is only one M&M left standing, I send a letter to M&M's brand with the champion M&M in it with a note attached that reads: "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."


{Strange, some of the things that float across my computer display.}
__________________

__________________
"Being offended is not the same thing as being right." Dave Barry.
Laughter is the salve that keeps reality from scaring.
Į\_(ツ)_/Į
svmariane is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-12-2018, 22:53   #3887
Registered User
 
Dave_S's Avatar

Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Brisbane Australia
Boat: Schionning Waterline 1480
Posts: 1,310
Re: The New Joke Thread

Shamelessly stolen
Attached Thumbnails
Click image for larger version

Name:	Screenshot_20181203-123239.jpg
Views:	381
Size:	341.3 KB
ID:	181608  
__________________

__________________
Regards
Dave
Dave_S is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-12-2018, 23:09   #3888
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 5,943
Re: The New Joke Thread

Speaking of M&Ms...

The following is a true story. I met a really nice couple named Mike and Kimmie Virgin. They also played in the desert and went by the board names "SandVirgin" and "Virginsand." When I asked them why they were always so happy and playful, Kimmie told me they were both big fans of M&Ms and she would always keep some in the fridge and she would toss them to Mike and he'd catch them in his mouth and they both really enjoyed this simple little game/snack.

One day I saw an ad stating that the Mars candy company would put a short saying on a few bags of M&Ms for a small extra fee, like custom made M&Ms. So I filled out the form and asked for one bag of M&Ms with "I like Virgins" on them and the other bag with "I'm a Virgin" on them.

Instead of getting what I asked for, I got an email telling me that they were not going to make those because it went against their family values and they felt there was something not quite wholesome about it. I wasn't happy about it and called the number included in the email. I got in touch with a lady who said she denied the request and she wasn't going to change her mind. I explained to her that they were my friends and were big M&M fans and these were to be a gift to them. She wouldn't budge, being a rigid bureaucratic nonthinking chair weight.

The next time I saw Mike and Kimmie, I told them I was unsuccessful in my quest to surprise them with custom M&Ms. A few months later, I saw them again, and they showed me their custom made M&Ms with "I'm a Virgin!" on them and I was flabbergasted! I asked them how they did it and they told me they also got rejected at first, but they called the same lady, she told them someone else had already tried that trick and it wasn't going to work. They insisted that was their last name and she asked for proof. They ended up sending her pics of their CA driver's licenses and she finally let them get their custom M&Ms.

Being a grudge carrier with a very good memory, I boycotted M&Ms for about 12 yrs, but quite by coincidence I bought a large tub of peanut M&Ms yesterday because they were really cheap by the tub and besides, 12 yrs is long enough to punish myself.
socaldmax is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-12-2018, 00:08   #3889
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 5,943
Re: The New Joke Thread

socaldmax is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-12-2018, 04:55   #3890
Registered User
 
double u's Avatar

Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: boat Tahiti, us - in the Corona Sh...
Boat: Elan 410
Posts: 1,628
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by svmariane View Post
#Meanwhile in Cyberspace...

Sometimes, whenever I eat M&Ms, I like to hold two M&M's in between my fingers and squeeze as hard as I can until one M&M cracks. I eat the cracked one, and the one that didn't crack becomes the champion. Then I grab another M&M, and force it to compete with the champion in this deadly game of M&M gladiators. I do this until I run out of M&M's, and when there is only one M&M left standing, I send a letter to M&M's brand with the champion M&M in it with a note attached that reads: "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."


{Strange, some of the things that float across my computer display.}
...when time is heavy on ones hand...
__________________
...not all who wander are lost!
double u is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-12-2018, 08:02   #3891
Registered User
 
LakeSuperior's Avatar

Join Date: Jan 2008
Boat: Teak Yawl, 37'
Posts: 2,459
Images: 7
Re: The New Joke Thread

I started investing in stocks of Beef, Chicken, and Vegetables.


One day I hope to be a bouillonaire.


And...


My friend makes a lot of money by selling photos of salmon dressed up in human clothes...


Itís like shooting fish in apparel...
LakeSuperior is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-12-2018, 14:30   #3892
Registered User
 
Therapy's Avatar

Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: W Florida
Boat: 28 yo Jon boat still
Posts: 7,025
Images: 4
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by socaldmax View Post
I am amazed at how many of my friends sent this to me...

None of mine.
__________________
Who knows what is next.
Therapy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-12-2018, 16:16   #3893
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 5,943
Re: The New Joke Thread

socaldmax is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-12-2018, 22:26   #3894
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 5,943
Re: The New Joke Thread

socaldmax is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-12-2018, 08:03   #3895
Registered User
 
LakeSuperior's Avatar

Join Date: Jan 2008
Boat: Teak Yawl, 37'
Posts: 2,459
Images: 7
Re: The New Joke Thread

My wife just called me and said, "Three of the girls in my office just got some flowers for the holidays. They're absolutely gorgeous!"


I replied, "That's probably why they got flowers then..."
LakeSuperior is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-12-2018, 08:05   #3896
Registered User
 
LakeSuperior's Avatar

Join Date: Jan 2008
Boat: Teak Yawl, 37'
Posts: 2,459
Images: 7
Re: The New Joke Thread

I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him..


Guess that's what I get for buying a pure bread dog.
LakeSuperior is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-12-2018, 08:50   #3897
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 5,943
Re: The New Joke Thread

socaldmax is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-12-2018, 09:59   #3898
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 5,943
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by LakeSuperior View Post
My wife just called me and said, "Three of the girls in my office just got some flowers for the holidays. They're absolutely gorgeous!"


I replied, "That's probably why they got flowers then..."
This reminds me of when my wife and I lived in HI.

My wife would call me at 2:45pm every other Thursday afternoon. Wife:"Guess what?"
Me: "You just got off work, drove to the gas station, locked your keys in your car and now I have to get off work early, take the ferry from Ford Island and drive over and unlock the door for you so you can go shopping."
Wife: "How did you know that?"
Me: "Because I'm psychic."
Wife: "Get oooout! Come on!"
Me: *heavy sigh* "Just think about it."
Me, arriving at the gas station and waving at my perennially amused gas station cashier buddy busy laughing at my wife: "Well, did you figure it out yet?"
Wife: "Yeah, you're getting used to me locking my keys in my car on Thursdays..."
Me: "No, I want you to think about WHY you've locked your keys in the car for the last 2 yrs..."
socaldmax is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-12-2018, 15:32   #3899
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 5,943
Re: The New Joke Thread

This is a very minor, but very important distinction...

socaldmax is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-12-2018, 15:47   #3900
Registered User
 
fxykty's Avatar

Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Auckland
Boat: Outremer 55L
Posts: 1,292
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by socaldmax View Post
This reminds me of when my wife and I lived in HI.



My wife would call me at 2:45pm every other Thursday afternoon. Wife:"Guess what?"

Me: "You just got off work, drove to the gas station, locked your keys in your car and now I have to get off work early, take the ferry from Ford Island and drive over and unlock the door for you so you can go shopping."

Wife: "How did you know that?"

Me: "Because I'm psychic."

Wife: "Get oooout! Come on!"

Me: *heavy sigh* "Just think about it."

Me, arriving at the gas station and waving at my perennially amused gas station cashier buddy busy laughing at my wife: "Well, did you figure it out yet?"

Wife: "Yeah, you're getting used to me locking my keys in my car on Thursdays..."

Me: "No, I want you to think about WHY you've locked your keys in the car for the last 2 yrs..."

I was hoping somebody else would admit they donít get it. Huh?!?
__________________

fxykty is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Advertise Here


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 18:16.


Google+
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Social Knowledge Networks
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

ShowCase vBulletin Plugins by Drive Thru Online, Inc.