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18-11-2018, 07:26
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#3796
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2008
Boat: Teak Yawl, 37'
Posts: 2,985
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Re: The New Joke Thread
Been watching women’s golf on the TV this morning...
They don’t appear to be very good at driving but they’re great with an iron.
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18-11-2018, 07:27
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#3797
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2008
Boat: Teak Yawl, 37'
Posts: 2,985
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Re: The New Joke Thread
When you drink a lot of alcohol, you oversleep, don't remember important things, don't go to work, hallucinate and sometimes even forget that you have a girlfriend or that you're married...
But most importantly, don't forget that drinking also comes with negative effects.
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18-11-2018, 13:51
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#3798
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Registered User
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On the hard due to wife's medical condition.
Boat: Sold, alas, because life happens.
Posts: 1,829
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Re: The New Joke Thread
Cycling back to sailing: what do we do with a drunken sailor...
__________________
"Being offended is not the same thing as being right." Dave Barry.
Laughter is the salve that keeps reality from scaring.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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18-11-2018, 17:39
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#3799
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Moderator
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: aboard, cruising in Australia
Boat: Sayer 46' Solent rig sloop
Posts: 28,513
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Re: The New Joke Thread
Ah, yes, "shave him in the belly with a rusty razor", and so on.....
__________________
Who scorns the calm has forgotten the storm.
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19-11-2018, 06:51
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#3800
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Registered User
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Mostly Texas
Boat: Lagoon 37 TPI
Posts: 541
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Re: The New Joke Thread
Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.
Just something to remember when you hire them.
__________________
==========================
Now retired from the Oilfield,
Just Playing a Banjo in a Whorehouse.
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19-11-2018, 07:07
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#3801
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Registered User
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Mostly Texas
Boat: Lagoon 37 TPI
Posts: 541
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Re: The New Joke Thread
Today's Factoid
The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed
__________________
==========================
Now retired from the Oilfield,
Just Playing a Banjo in a Whorehouse.
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19-11-2018, 13:05
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#3802
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Moderator
Join Date: May 2008
Location: cruising SW Pacific
Boat: Jon Sayer 1-off 46 ft fract rig sloop strip plank in W Red Cedar
Posts: 21,184
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Re: The New Joke Thread
Modern verse of "What shall we do...": Put him in charge of an Exxon tanker...
Jim
__________________
Jim and Ann s/v Insatiable II, lying Port Cygnet Tasmania once again.
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19-11-2018, 17:19
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#3803
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: New South Wales, Australia
Boat: Still building
Posts: 1,557
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Re: The New Joke Thread
Would...: Put him in charge of an Italian cruiseship...???
Too soon..???
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20-11-2018, 01:08
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#3804
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Philippines in the winters
Boat: It’s in French Polynesia now
Posts: 11,368
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Re: The New Joke Thread
Hey, wanna hear a joke about ghosts?
That's the spirit
__________________
Faithful are the Wounds of a Friend, but the Kisses of the Enemy are Deceitful! ........
The measure of a man is how he navigates to a proper shore in the midst of a storm!
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20-11-2018, 02:01
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#3805
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Registered User
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 492
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Re: The New Joke Thread
A guy goes into a library and says: "Can I have a portion of fish and chips, please?"
The stern librarian replies: "This is a library!"
Guy: "Oh, sorry." (whispers), "Can I have a portion of fish and chips, please?"
Librarian: "This is a library. We don't SELL fish and chips!"
Guy: (still whispering) "Oh, right. Sorry. Can I borrow a portion of fish and chips, please?"
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20-11-2018, 11:55
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#3806
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Pacific NW.
Boat: KP 46
Posts: 770
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Re: The New Joke Thread
As Air Force One arrives at the Heathrow Airport, President Trump strides to a warm and dignified reception from the Queen.
They are driven in a 1934 Bentley to the edge of central London, where they change to a magnificent 17th century carriage hitched to six white horses. They continue on towards Buckingham Palace, waving to the thousands of cheering Britons; all is going well.
Suddenly, the right rear horse lets out the most horrendous earth shattering fart ever heard in the British Empire. The smell is so atrocious that both passengers in the carriage must use handkerchiefs over their noses.
The fart shakes the coach, but, the two Heads of State do their best to ignore the incident.
The Queen politely turns to President Trump and says:
"Mr. President, please accept my deepest regrets. I am sure you understand
there are some things that even a Queen cannot control."
Trump, always trying to be "Presidential," responded:
"Your Majesty, do not give the matter another thought . .
until you mentioned it, I thought it was one of the horses."
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20-11-2018, 15:27
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#3807
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Registered User
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On the hard due to wife's medical condition.
Boat: Sold, alas, because life happens.
Posts: 1,829
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Re: The New Joke Thread
Are we really going back to that topic?
__________________
"Being offended is not the same thing as being right." Dave Barry.
Laughter is the salve that keeps reality from scaring.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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20-11-2018, 15:32
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#3808
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cruiser
Join Date: Jan 2017
Boat: Retired from CF
Posts: 13,317
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Re: The New Joke Thread
Yes no bashing the Queen!
Nor Elizabeth Alexandra Mary, please. . .
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20-11-2018, 15:52
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#3809
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Moderator
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 6,210
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Re: The New Joke Thread
Are there any compass adjusters among us?
Can the man's intellectual compass even BE adjusted :-0)??
TP
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20-11-2018, 16:03
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#3810
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Registered User
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On the hard due to wife's medical condition.
Boat: Sold, alas, because life happens.
Posts: 1,829
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Re: The New Joke Thread
Oh, the heck with it...
An man buys a sports car and is really beginning to enjoy it when he sees flashing lights in the rear view mirror. He guns it and is rapidly up to 160mph when he realizes what he is doing. He slows down, then pulls over and soon the cop pulls up behind him.
The cop comes up to the window and asks, “What were you thinking, taking off like that?”
“Well,” the man replies after thinking about it for a bit, “a few years ago a highway patrol officer ran off with my wife.”
“What does that have to do with anything.”
“I thought you were bringing her back.”
__________________
"Being offended is not the same thing as being right." Dave Barry.
Laughter is the salve that keeps reality from scaring.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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