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Old 04-11-2018, 18:51   #3676
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Re: The New Joke Thread

ok ok enough squabbling back to jokes;

what does Tupperware and a walrus have in common?
.
.
.
They both like a tight seal!
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Old 04-11-2018, 18:52   #3677
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by ontherocks83 View Post
If that were true you wouldn't have posted such a disgusting "joke." I have lots more to say to you about it but as I'm sure the mods would frown upon my language, let's just say by the amount of pm's i've gotten from others your "opinions" are not appreciated by a lot of us.
Hey, calm down, we are all here as participants, not to censor others participation, simply don't read that which you feel may offend your sensibilities or if you cannot deal with a particular contributor then add them to your ignore list.
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Old 04-11-2018, 19:07   #3678
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Re: The New Joke Thread

A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot. One day, a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.

The young family’s 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.
Eventually the construction crew, all of them “gems-in-the-rough” more or less, had adopted her as a kind of project mascot.

They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars.

The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her ten dollars “pay” she’d received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.
When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age.

The little girl proudly replied: “I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us.”

“Oh my goodness gracious,” said the teller, “and will you be working on the house again this week, too?”

The little girl replied, “I will if those ******** from Lowe’s ever deliver the damn drywall.”
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Old 04-11-2018, 19:12   #3679
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by Uncle Bob View Post
Hey, calm down, we are all here as participants, not to censor others participation, simply don't read that which you feel may offend your sensibilities or if you cannot deal with a particular contributor then add them to your ignore list.
Now that is a good joke, not reading something that offends you on a forum. Don't you have to read something to realize that you didn't actually want to read it in the first place? How about not posting something about miscarriages to people that may have actually experienced them. Now I'd love to get back to actual jokes but some "contributors" here habitually post verbal diarrhea.

Now that since this is a joke thread and I don't want to get it closed I'll post a Dad joke.

How do you make a tissue dance? You give it a little boogie.

See that is a light hearted joke that doesn't include miscarriages. Glad I could differentiate it for those that couldn't do it on their own.
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Old 04-11-2018, 20:04   #3680
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Tumble weed..

To be honest, there’s only a handful of people who regularly contribute to this thread and on the whole the jokes are great.. some of us really appreciate it. Hope they keep posting
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Old 05-11-2018, 00:23   #3681
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by ontherocks83 View Post
Now that is a good joke, not reading something that offends you on a forum. Don't you have to read something to realize that you didn't actually want to read it in the first place? How about not posting something about miscarriages to people that may have actually experienced them. Now I'd love to get back to actual jokes but some "contributors" here habitually post verbal diarrhea.

Now that since this is a joke thread and I don't want to get it closed I'll post a Dad joke.

How do you make a tissue dance? You give it a little boogie.

See that is a light hearted joke that doesn't include miscarriages. Glad I could differentiate it for those that couldn't do it on their own.
Not to offend you, but that joke wasn't even close to funny.

But it does help me prove my point - what is humorous is completely subjective, entirely up to the listener. While I do agree the miscarriage stuff was really dark, it's by no means anywhere near the worst I've heard and nowhere near bad enough that I'd bitch about it. It seems there are those of us who can see something on TV for example and if we don't like it, we just change the channel or turn it off. While I find the empty headed drivel on "The View" highly offensive and spreading a dangerous agenda, I have never started a campaign to get it removed from the air or canceled. I simply find something else I like. Why?

Because I recognize that others may enjoy it, even if I don't, and I'm not so self centered or narcissistic enough to think my needs or opinions outweigh those of other people.

But there are plenty of people in this world who not only have strong opinions about what they like, they also feel they are entitled to dictate their beliefs onto others. I get a good chuckle out of them because despite their best efforts, we will still do what we choose, tell the jokes we think are funny, buy the guns we want, eat plenty of red meat and laugh at those who take offense or want to control the world.

To those who would like to control everyone around them, I suggest they try herding 2 dozen cats. Not only is it funny to watch, it's a lesson in the futility of trying to control the world.

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Old 05-11-2018, 02:12   #3682
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pirate Re: The New Joke Thread

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Ya, that was my point.

Getting a bit too dark in here
Wanna buy a baseball..
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Old 05-11-2018, 04:20   #3683
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Well said socaldmax.
Wish I had simply ignored
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Old 05-11-2018, 06:15   #3684
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Re: The New Joke Thread

In the spirit of yachting


Two recruits were on the deck of a ship.
One turns to other and says "Its awfully quiet on deck tonight."


Other recruit says "Everyone must be watching the band."


"There is no band on this ship."


"No, I definitely heard the captain say a band on ship."
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Old 05-11-2018, 06:16   #3685
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Re: The New Joke Thread

You may laugh but this cheap hairpiece from Walmart has really helped my self-confidence.


It was a small price toupee.
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Old 05-11-2018, 09:23   #3686
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Re: The New Joke Thread

I don't get the posts supporting the post as humor is in the eye of the beholder. The poster stated right after that he was just being a troll.

Quote:
Originally Posted by john61ct View Post
"Originally Posted by ontherocks83 View Post
This one goes too far. Not even close to funny. "

Ya, that was my point.

Getting a bit too dark in here
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Troll: One who posts a deliberately provocative message to a newsgroup or message board with the intention of causing maximum disruption and argument
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Old 05-11-2018, 09:41   #3687
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Are you SURE you don't believe humor is in the eye of the beholder?

How about beauty?

How about boats?

How about anchors? AIS? Radar?

If you truly feel that all of those topics are not judged subjectively, perhaps you haven't read the tens of thousands of arguments on this website alone.
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Old 05-11-2018, 09:50   #3688
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 05-11-2018, 10:22   #3689
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Humor involves breaking an expectation without breaking logic.

An example is:

Q: What do you call a cross between a parrot and a tiger?
A: Whatever it tells you to call it.

Based on previous history with jokes like this the expectation is that the answer will be some mashup of the words “parrot” and “tiger” that is cute or has some secondary meaning.
In this case the answer breaks that expectation by being something else.

Some jokes depend on breaking cultural or language expectations. People that speak English as a second language or that are from one part of the English world hearing a joke from another part may not have the existing expectations that can be broken to humorous effect.

Then too some people may have sensitivities that overwhelm the joke. For some jokes that can be taken as disparagement of specific groups such as women, racial, religious or gender minorities, the reaction to the disparagement overwhelms the reaction to breaking an expectation and the joke falls flat for that reader or listener.

Likewise jokes that involve something gross or disgusting may have the disgust overwhelm the breaking of expectation.

And then there are folks who say mean things about others and call it a joke because “all humor is at the expense of somebody” which is both incorrect and a rationale to to justify saying mean things.

And finally there are a few folks who just don’t get it but they are pretty rare.

To say that humor is in the eye of the beholder is to a certain extent true but it is also true that it is expected that a joke teller know that the receiver has the appropriate language and cultural background to get the joke.
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Old 05-11-2018, 13:28   #3690
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Re: The New Joke Thread

https://science.howstuffworks.com/li.../laughter5.htm
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