The New Joke Thread

[socaldmax]

[Buzzman]

That diode pic is obviously too deep for us non-engineers.....don't get it.

[OutOfControl]

di·ode
ˈdīˌōd

"a semiconductor device with two terminals, typically allowing the flow of current in one direction only."

[john61ct]

Originally Posted by Buzzman

That diode pic is obviously too deep for us non-engineers.....don't get it.

https://www.explainxkcd.com/wiki/index.php/814:_Diode

[Pelagic]

Originally Posted by Buzzman

That diode pic is obviously too deep for us non-engineers.....don't get it.

And here I thought it was an Ode to Lady Di[emoji57]

[Buzzman]

You sparkies have a weird idea of what constitutes a sense of humour....



Like the old adage states - if you have to explain it, it wasn't funny.

[JPA Cate]

Funny thing, Buzzman, I thought it was funny/sad. I am about as far from a sparkie as we both are from the center of a black hole! ;-)

Ann

[Buzzman]

Yeah, sad more than funny. It's one of those "can't be sure if it's sexist or not" jokes.

[Jim Cate]

Originally Posted by Buzzman

You sparkies have a weird idea of what constitutes a sense of humour....



Like the old adage states - if you have to explain it, it wasn't funny.

Another old adage: He who laughs last didn't get the joke...

Jim

[Buzzman]

LOL - pay that one!

[LakeSuperior]

A professor of ancient Greek goes to a tailor to get his trousers mended.


The tailor asks: “Euripides?” The professor replies: “Yes. Eumenides?”

[a64pilot]

Originally Posted by Buzzman

Yeah, sad more than funny. It's one of those "can't be sure if it's sexist or not" jokes.

I can assume you, it’s sexist, and a little sad, and a little funny in a pitiful way.

[ontherocks83]

Originally Posted by socaldmax

Oh man that is priceless

[Eigenvector]

There is not one dirty word in this one..................


The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family.. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'

'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'

'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?'

'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat !

After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'

'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'

'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'

'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'

'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.

'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'

'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.

'Oh, my God!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.'

'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.

'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'

'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?'

'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.'

'Tripod?'

'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'
MrsSmithfainted

[OldManMirage]

Warning - Genders may switched as needed.

Bill walks into a bar and sits down to have a drink. A lovely woman walks over to him and says, "Hey Bill, you probably don't remember me. I'm your old buddy Charlie. Only now I go by Charlene because I've had a sex change operation."

Bill is stunned and unbelieving at first. He is gradually brought around because Charlene knows things only Charlie would. They have a few drinks and the conversation flows.


Finally Bill says, "You know, I'm super curious about the process you must have gone through. I can't imagine it. All the surgery would have been terrible. Let me guess, I would bet the surgery for uh, um, you know, that great rack would have been pretty painful ?"


Charlene says, "Yes, that was very uncomfortable, but it wasn't the most painful."


Bill - "Ah, of course not, it was obviously all the work on the uh, ahem, family jewel area right ?"


Charlene - "Oh yeah, that was really bad, but it still wasn't the most painful."


Bill is amazed. "Well what in the world was worse than that ?"


Charlene says, "It was when they drilled a hole in my head to remove half my brains."