Cruisers Forum
 


Join CruisersForum Today

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Rating: Thread Rating: 5 votes, 4.80 average. Display Modes
Old 09-09-2018, 15:15   #3361
D&D
Marine Service Provider
 
D&D's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Blue Mountains, Australia
Boat: now skippering Syd Harbour charters
Posts: 1,543
Re: The New Joke Thread

An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and his car is weaving violently all over the road.

A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver "Where have ya been?"

" Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.

" Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening."

"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.

"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"

"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf"
__________________

D&D is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-09-2018, 15:17   #3362
D&D
Marine Service Provider
 
D&D's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Blue Mountains, Australia
Boat: now skippering Syd Harbour charters
Posts: 1,543
Re: The New Joke Thread

Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.

"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya".

"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim, but where's my husband?"

"That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."

"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."

"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry.

Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"

"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned."

"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me truth, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"

"Well, Brenda... No. In fact, he got out three times to pee."
__________________

D&D is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-09-2018, 15:19   #3363
D&D
Marine Service Provider
 
D&D's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Blue Mountains, Australia
Boat: now skippering Syd Harbour charters
Posts: 1,543
Re: The New Joke Thread

Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears.

He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?"

She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night."

The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?"

She says, "That he did, Father."

The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary? "

She says, "He said 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun...' "
D&D is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-09-2018, 15:21   #3364
D&D
Marine Service Provider
 
D&D's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Blue Mountains, Australia
Boat: now skippering Syd Harbour charters
Posts: 1,543
Re: The New Joke Thread

A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church and enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing.

The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk continues to sit there.

Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.

The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either!"

D&D is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-09-2018, 06:59   #3365
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 6,072
Re: The New Joke Thread

socaldmax is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 10-09-2018, 11:07   #3366
Registered User
 
Eigenvector's Avatar

Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Mostly Texas
Boat: Lagoon 37 TPI
Posts: 398
Re: The New Joke Thread

Wait for it...........
Attached Files
__________________
==========================
Don't Tell My Mom I Work In the Oilfield,
She Thinks
I'm a Piano Player in a Whorehouse.
Eigenvector is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-09-2018, 16:12   #3367
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 6,072
Re: The New Joke Thread

Somebody's getting his last paycheck today...

LOL
socaldmax is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 10-09-2018, 16:14   #3368
Moderator
 
Adelie's Avatar

Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: La Ciudad de la Misión Didacus de Alcalá en Alta California, Virreinato de Nueva Espańa
Boat: Cal 20
Posts: 10,814
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eigenvector View Post
Wait for it...........
All's I'm getting is a black screen and sound.
__________________
Num Me Vexo?
A house is but a boat so poorly built and so firmly run aground no one would think to try and refloat it.
Adelie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-09-2018, 17:03   #3369
Registered User
 
Uncle Bob's Avatar

Join Date: May 2010
Location: Sydney Australia
Boat: Fisher pilothouse sloop 32'
Posts: 1,796
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Adelie View Post
All's I'm getting is a black screen and sound.
Same here!
__________________
Rob aka Uncle Bob Sydney Australia.

Life is 10% the cards you are dealt, 90% how you play em
Uncle Bob is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-09-2018, 17:20   #3370
Bailing as fast as I can.
 
GILow's Avatar

Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Adelaide, South Australia
Boat: Swanson 42
Posts: 6,670
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Adelie View Post
All's I'm getting is a black screen and sound.
Me too. But it SOUNDED interesting.
__________________
Count-down has commenced.
GILow is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 10-09-2018, 17:21   #3371
Moderator

Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 3,699
Re: The New Joke Thread

I thot that was the joke after making you count flowers on the wallpaper for A WHOLE MINUTE!

Some peoples' kids, eh :-0)?

Sam
TrentePieds is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-09-2018, 17:24   #3372
Registered User

Join Date: Aug 2003
Boat: Dragonfly 1000 trimaran
Posts: 6,879
Re: The New Joke Thread

You need to download Adobe Flash.


Shot from someone's dash cam.
Long train goes by an unguarded crossing (no gates).

Crane folded down on the last car with boom sticking back over last car.
Truck waiting on the other side with a big earth mover on a bed behind him was too impatient for the train.
He crossed immediately behind the last train car, the crane got tangled with the earth mover and the whole truck earth mover load went over sideways.



The truck driver would have been fine if he'd waited another five seconds, but noOOO !
Attached Thumbnails
Click image for larger version

Name:	IMG_1258.JPG
Views:	195
Size:	87.1 KB
ID:	177185   Click image for larger version

Name:	IMG_1259.JPG
Views:	213
Size:	87.6 KB
ID:	177186  

Click image for larger version

Name:	IMG_1260.JPG
Views:	205
Size:	89.6 KB
ID:	177187   Click image for larger version

Name:	IMG_1261.JPG
Views:	200
Size:	90.4 KB
ID:	177188  

senormechanico is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-09-2018, 17:30   #3373
Bailing as fast as I can.
 
GILow's Avatar

Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Adelaide, South Australia
Boat: Swanson 42
Posts: 6,670
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by senormechanico View Post
You need to download Adobe Flash.
Maybe for some, but not the problem here. There's some kind of advert streaming over the top of it, might be a regional thing, depending on the part of the world you live in.

But thank you for the explanation of the video. :^)
__________________
Count-down has commenced.
GILow is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 10-09-2018, 18:07   #3374
cruiser

Join Date: Jan 2017
Boat: Retired from CF
Posts: 13,304
Re: The New Joke Thread

Just upload to YT post a link that's what it's for.
john61ct is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-09-2018, 18:46   #3375
Senior Cruiser
 
delmarrey's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Philippines
Boat: It’s in French Polynesia now
Posts: 11,206
Images: 122
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Therapy View Post
Nature used to separate them from the rest of us.
Now they are a protected specie, by OSHA & the ACLU
__________________

__________________
Faithful are the Wounds of a Friend, but the Kisses of the Enemy are Deceitful! ........
The measure of a man is how he navigates to a proper shore in the mist of a storm!
delmarrey is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Advertise Here


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:32.


Google+
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Social Knowledge Networks
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

ShowCase vBulletin Plugins by Drive Thru Online, Inc.